


Doctor's Diary

by minzimpression



Category: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angry Erik, Charles loves diaries, Charles might go crazy, F/M, Flashbacks, M/M, Slow Build, because Erik drives him mad, he really does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-02-05 18:51:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 57,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1828561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minzimpression/pseuds/minzimpression
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Charles Xavier just wants a fresh start. That's what he needs. A new beginning and a new diary. What he doesn't need is to fall in love, again. Like <em>again</em> again. </p><p>And his name isn't Charlotte god dammit!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea while watching the really funny and romantic TV Show Doctor's Diary which is only available in German, I'm afraid. But that doesn't matter because the plot is only loosely based on the show and I only took some elements.  
> Please bear with me as I have no clue how the medical education system works in England or the USA. I tried to research it but...it's not that important.

> January 14th, 1998  
>  Dear diary,  
>  Well, I think today was a good day, wasn’t it? I helped Erik with his English homework (not that he needs it, his English is superb, like everything about him) and he didn’t pull my hair or smacked me when I pointed out a mistake. He just smiled his shark-like smile, said “Why, thank you, Charlotte…please don’t bother me further ‘cause I can’t recall a time when I asked you for help.” He ignored my slight protest that the school principal ordered me to help him, since he moved here from Germany just a few months ago, and left. And oh my…I don’t know how long I stared at his retreating figure…but…he’s just so….hot, sexy….beautiful….I like him so very much but I don’t think it’s mutual. I still don’t get it why he calls me Charlotte. I’m obviously a boy! I tell him again and again that my name is Charles and every time he just laughs and mumbles something before ignoring my protest. Yesterday, he mumbled something like “ruby red” and “cornflower blue” but I must have misheard that.  
>  ….I’m going to fall hard, I know it….  
>  Charles ~~Lensherr~~  
> 

Charles looked at this 16-year-old diary entry and smirked. Erik Lensherr, pah! Lensherr was an idiot and an asshole. He hadn’t like Charles, had mocked him, bullied him, and hated him. The uglier Erik got, the harder Charles fell for him. His school time wasn’t pleasant. He had had a very painful unrequited love but he survived.

After the rather traumatic experience with Erik, Charles decided to forget, to get stronger. He enrolled in the Oxford University Medical School and tried to date everyone he stumbled upon. He had tried dating a few guys but settled on women in his third year. He didn’t know why, but it was easier with women. ( ~~He had compared every man with Erik.~~ )

In his fourth year at Oxford, Charles met Catherine. They dated a few times, had breathtaking sex and both loved Earl Grey. _This could be love_ , Charles had thought that one night as Catherine sat between his legs, lips around his cock, sucking eagerly. _I’m rather fond of her._ They decided to stay together. Catherine loved to listen about his family back in the States. She looked at him in wonder when he told her about the Westchester estate where his mother had her own doctor’s office included. His mother was the general practitioner for the High Society of New York while his father was the head of the department of the surgical ward at Mount Sinai Medical Center. 

“So your family is kind of an old medical family?” she asked jokingly and Charles cringed and nodded. You could say that. It really was a Xavier family tradition to become a doctor. But that also meant that the Xaviers only reproduced to raise new doctors. Well, telling the nannies and teachers to raise doctors. Charles had only attended boarding schools and during summer break he always had to come along with his mother or father, watching them work. _Watch and learn_ , they said _You’ll get a head start when you finally study medicine._

Catherine’s family came from old money, too. So Charles knew that his parents would love her. They demanded to get to know her after his mother found out that he had a girlfriend for nearly a year. Therefore, after graduation, Charles and Catherine traveled to Westchester. 

It was almost too perfect. His mother rarely showed emotions but after a few days with Catherine she laughed (still sounded fake, though) and chattered away, showing Catherine her doctor’s office while Charles sat in the study with his father, drinking Scotch before 11 a.m. Well…

“Graduated, huh?” his father raised his glass, before tossing it back, “but you’re not the best, aren’t you?” Charles sighed, “Unfortunately not. “ He graduated second best. In his humble opinion he did pretty damn well but in the eyes of his father he was a failure…again (Yeah, Lensherr was the best graduate their boarding school had ever seen, excelled in every subject and Charles beat him only in English literature.) 

“If you’re not best, I won’t allow you in my department. You won’t become a consultant surgeon…at least not in my hospital.”

“Funny that. I don’t care. I don’t want to become a surgeon, anyway,” His father’s eyes were comically wide. “I, no, we, Catherine and I, want to continue our training and become general practitioners, just like mom,” Charles smiled sweetly. If it wasn’t for the money, his parents would have filed for divorce long time ago. So this must have stung.

They just decided this the day before. (Well, Catherine decided for them. She was rather bossy sometimes.) Charles’ girlfriend loved Westchester and his mother’s doctor’s office, the rich patients. His mother offered Catherine (not Charles) to come work here in her office after she finished education. While Catherine was flattered, she wanted something for herself and told Charles that they should marry after their training ended and come back to Westchester and opening their own doctor’s office. Charles liked her idea very much _and_ she spared him a proper marriage proposal with her request. Like he said….it just had felt too perfect.

And now, five years later, he stood in his old bedroom and put the old diary back. He sighed and went to the mirror, studying his reflection. The tuxedo looked fabulous on him, there was no denying. Charles fumbled with the flower at his breast pocket and ripped the white rose off. He ruffled his carefully coiffed hair and took a deep breath. “That’s kind of awkward,” he mumbled and looked at the two suitcases he hastily had packed two hours ago. Charles didn’t know what was more humiliating. The fact that he temporarily had to move back in the mansion or the fact that he had intended to marry a cheater par excellence. At least he didn’t marry her. He looked at his watch. He would be married by now. He had forgotten his dress shoes at their (recently new bought apartment) here in Westchester County and returned unannounced…only to find his precious Catherine (in her gorgeous wedding dress which he paid for, thank you very much) fucking the driver of the rented Rolls-Royce she wanted to come to the church with. She had shrieked, stammered excuses about being a little bit panicky before the wedding and letting off steam blah blah blah. Charles took the whole scene in, then sighed, went to the bedroom, packed his clothes (his other personal things were still shipping across the ocean), left his key on the kitchen counter and called the wedding planner to tell her that the wedding was called off. 

He drove to his childhood home and told his parents, who were just on the way to the church, that there would be no wedding and locked himself in his old bedroom. Charles sat on his bed and chose to ignore his mother who stood in front of his door and demanded to know what the hell was going on. He opened the old diary again and laughed humorless. This whole fucking thing (and the many diaries that followed) was full of Charles’ undying love for Erik Lensherr. Year after year, after year…until graduation. He wondered why it didn’t hurt more. To be betrayed like that. _Maybe,_ he thought _maybe it’s all Erik’s fault. I think I never loved anyone so much. And he didn’t even feel the same way. I buried my feelings the night after graduation._ What if his capacity to love was lost since that moment? He really thought that he loved Catherine dearly. But the longer he thought about it he realized that being with had been lovely, yes, but also _convenient_. But still…

Charles flipped through his first diary and groaned. He really had been a helpless child. Mumbling a few curses he lied back and stared into nothing. His carefully planned life was in pieces and he closed his eyes. The feeling of defeat was overwhelming. He needed a fresh start. With that thought Charles drifted in a surprisingly peaceful sleep.

~+~

Cold wind ruffled through his hair as Charles stood on the bridge. He stared down at the dirty, grey water and then buried his face in his hands, sighing soundly. He had moped for two weeks now, still hadn’t decided what to do with his life. At least he knew two things: Moving out of the mansion as soon as he could and _not_ working as a general practitioner. He found it somewhat boring and had realized he only went through with it because of Catherine’s dream. Speaking of the devil, his phone chimed and he reached for it. She had called him hundredth of times in the last two weeks. His inbox was full of begging messages. She begged him for taking her back. But since he realized he didn’t love her enough he chose to ignore her. That wasn’t really nice but she hadn’t been nice, either. 

“Sorry, darling,” he murmured and tapped on ‘ignore’. A loud car drove by and the phone fell out of his hands. It landed on a jut of the bridge and he tried to reach it. Despite his best efforts he couldn’t reach it. “Typical,” he muttered and climbed over the bridge wall so he could get better access. He almost could touch the phone with his fingertips when a female voice startled him.

“Please, don’t jump. There are always other options.”

Charles looked up and saw one of the loveliest faces he had ever seen. My god, she was beautiful. She had blond hair and blue eyes, looked all in all like the American dream girl. 

“I wasn’t going to jump. Honestly,” he answered and climbed further down, finally grasping his phone. 

“Just stop, would you?” she said in a slightly panicked voice and… _started to climb after him!_

“What in god’s name are you doing?” he said loudly and tried to climb up to her. Her curvy body was wrapped in a beige trench coat and she appeared to wear a dress or a skirt because the first things he grabbed were creamy, smooth and very naked calves. “Climb back! I just wanted to get my phone! I’m not suicidal,” Charles explained and pressed slightly to indicate that she should go back up again. 

“Don’t lie to me; I know this is a favorite spot of jumpers!”

Charles doubted that. The distance between water and bridge wasn’t harmful for any person who might want to jump down. “Just climb back up, please, I’m right behind you,” he tried to sound calm and nudged her again. That was when he saw that she still had her high heels on. Really? Who would want to climb down in such shoes? He didn’t even finish the thought when the woman stumbled, shrieked and fell. He tried to grab her but failed and one moment later she dove into the water. When she didn’t emerge immediately, Charles cursed and prayed that his phone really was waterproof like the ad had promised. 

It was like slow motion when he mentally prepared to dive in and saw her already surface on the waterfront. _You’ve got to be kidding me_ , he thought miserably and reached the awfully cold and dirty water. Oh god, it was so cold. He swam to the waterfront as fast as he could and was greeted by a furious glare. 

“Why the fuck did you jump after me?” she asked and grabbed his hand, helping him up. They both shivered and Charles just shook his head. “I thought you might need help,” he explained and the woman laughed quietly. “Not suicidal after all,” she said and he had to laugh, too. “No, are you alright by the way? I’m a doctor.” Now she gave a full hearted laugh and shrugged, “Nah, I’m good. I’m just getting back to my car. There are spare clothes stashed. I’m Raven, by the way. Raven Darkholme,” he shook hands with her, grinning despite the creeping cold in his bones. “Pleasure to meet you, Miss Darkholme, I’m Charles Xavier,” he said and she grinned back. “It’s Dr. Darkholme actually.”

Charles was slightly surprised. He would never have guessed that. “Oh, my apologies, Dr. Darkholme,”, he winked and she laughed again. “It’s alright, _Dr._ Xavier. And thank god you’re just stupid and wanted to climb around a bridge, not jump,” was the answer. And with that she left. Stunned, Charles watched her lovely figure retreat and quickly went home after the shivering from the cold got worse. (and realized that his phone was not waterproof)

~+~

Charles made up his mind. He needed a new purpose in life, new perspectives, accepting new challenges. With this thoughts he went down to the dining room where his parents already sat, eating lobster silently and without looking at each other. Charles sat on his chair and cleared his throat. When they didn’t acknowledge him, he sighed. 

“Dad, I need to talk to you,” he started and his father looked up from his plate, raising an eyebrow in question. His mother frowned because talking at the dinner table was a no-no. “What is it? Finally moving out?” he asked and Charles smiled tightly, “Not yet, I’m afraid; but I wanted to ask you something,” his father resumed eating and Charles took it as permission to continue, “I don’t want to be a general practitioner. I’d like to take residency. I want to be a surgeon,” _that_ got him the attention of his parents. Not even his explanation that Catherine cheated, hurt and humiliated him had left them shocked or even concerned. 

“What? You’re already 28! You should have married and practiced in your own office, by now,” his father didn’t look pleased at all and Charles decided to ignore him, continuing. “And I want to be a surgery resident at the Mount Sinai. I know you don’t want me there because I’m as you quote it ‘not good enough’ but I meet the requirements and you know it,” before one of his parents could protest further, he just kept talking. “And I know you don’t mean it when you say, you don’t want me here. I heard you talking at one of your precious dinner parties and everyone of your so-called friends was delighted by the fact, that ‘young Charlie came back to support his beloved parents, not one child of the others came back and isn’t he such a darling, you two did a marvelous job at parenting’,” he even used his fingers to emphasize the quote. “And,” he said at last “I would take over your office on my free days, mom, I know you want to spend more time in your country club.”

 _And I really don’t want to waste my time finding a acceptable flat in the city, later maybe, now career is the top priority._ He added silently. It wasn’t so bad living with his parents. He saw them rarely and he was sure that his father would deny every relationship between them at work _should_ he agree to Charles’ request.

His father really seemed to think about it and after a few minutes is smirked slightly and then nodded. “Why not? I think I have a free place for you in the residency program. If you don’t mind, working for the minimum wage?” Charles was slightly amused. His dad really thought Charles would care about the money. He had money in the trust fund from his late grandmother but that money he would rather not touch. He had hated that old witch and the feeling had been mutual, but as tradition demanded she got her grandson a trust fund when he was born. Charles still didn’t know what to do with that money but maybe it would come in handy, someday. 

“That’s okay. I don’t care about the money as long as I can begin my training,” he answered sweetly and finally his dad nodded.

“Fine, you’ll start on Monday and don’t think I will help you. If you want to be the best, earn it.”

“Yes, sir,” Charles smiled happily and dug into his now cold lobster.

~+~

Charles couldn’t be happier as he shrugged on his medical scrubs. It couldn’t be too hard, could it? He _was_ a fully qualified doctor after all. He saw the residency as a personal life challenge and didn’t intent to fail. A new chapter of his life… no…. a _restart_. That sounded better. Charles closed his locker and looked at his watch. It was still half an hour until he had to meet with his senior physician in the cafeteria. He grabbed his new bought diary and went to grab a coffee. When he sat down at a table he opened the journal and smiled again. During his school time a diary was something like a therapy for Charles and he thought it a good idea starting a new one after more than one decade. It certainly was neater to write down some rage or despair instead of showing it. He didn’t know why he stopped writing after High School graduation (the main topic of his diaries wasn’t in his life anymore, but scratch that). 

Just as he wanted to scribble down his first entry he heard a surprised voice, calling his name.

“Dr. Xavier?”

Charles looked up and looked at Raven Darkholme in astonishment. “Dr. Darkholme! What a pleasant surprise. Are you working here?” he asked and she sat beside him, smiling warmly. “As a matter of fact, I am”, she said “I’m a gynecologist here, just started a few months ago.” He nodded and smiled at her. “Really? That’s great. I will start my residency today,” he said and she looked slightly confused. “But you said-“ she started and he interrupted her. “That I’m a Doctor? Well I am. I just recently decided I don’t want to work as a general practitioner… I had a bad break-up and well…I would have worked together with her and… I don’t know, I just wanted a clean break with something new,” he explained and took a sip of the (awful) coffee. She nodded in acknowledgment and squeezed his hand. “That sounds interesting,” she sounded genuine. It was nice talking to her. And she was attractive. That he couldn’t deny. Just as he wanted to say something else, she looked at her watch and made a face. “I’m sorry, but I have to go, it was nice talking to you and welcome to the club,” she stood and laid her hand on his shoulder. “I hope to see you soon, Dr. Xavier,” she said. Charles smiled and slightly shook his head. “Charles is fine,” he offered and her answer was a bright smile. “Charles,” she tried the name and looked pleased, “then please call me Raven.” Charles nodded happy and she left.

Charles thought about how her nice bum would feel in his hands and cleared his throat. He shouldn’t think that, she seemed like she could be a good friend. He finally took his pen and started to write.

> September 20th, 2014
> 
> Dear diary,
> 
> I intend to write in here regularly because spilling my thoughts into paper is rather therapeutic for me. I know that my topic 15 years ago was only about one thing. Erik Lensherr. ~~I wonder what he is doing right now. Does he have family? I~~ No, not about him again. That’s history. Maybe I could make you a work-diary? I don’t know. It won’t be easy, I know that but after shit hit the fan weeks ago I really need the fresh start and- 

“Charlotte?”

Charles froze and looked up. No, no, no. That couldn’t be. He must have misheard…but he would have known this voice everywhere. She was deeper than he remembered but had the same effect. The voice ran straight through his body and Charles was hit by awkward teenager-level arousal. 

There he stood. Erik Lensherr. Charles couldn’t believe it. It was impossible. Why on earth would he be here? He only could stare as Erik came to the table and smiled his smile which had the others running during their school time and Charles fall even more for him. 

When Erik stood before him, Charles recovered.

“It’s Charles,” he replied automatically. 

“No it isn’t, meine kleine Charlotte*,” Erik looked at a sheet of paper in his hands and smirked. “I wondered if it could be you when I read your name,” he continued and then straightened. “Well, come on then, your shift started 30 seconds ago,” he said and Charles still didn’t understand. What did he mean? Why did Erik care when his shift started and why did he know that? 

“What?” smooth, Charles, smooth.

Erik looked at him like he was the dumbest person on the planet. (The trademark look he gave Charles all the time during school) “I’m your senior physician. We were supposed to meet here at seven sharp? You’re under my supervision. Surely you knew that. Daddy didn’t tell you?” he smiled so wide it must have hurt. 

“What?” Charles got the feeling he didn’t make the best impression, as always, but…holy shit it was _Erik_!

Erik just rolled his eyes and pointed at his diary which Charles quickly snapped shut. “Get rid of your precious girly stuff and then follow me, Charlotte.”

Charles just stared.

“Right the fuck now!” Erik growled and Charles jumped into action, his mind only repeating one word.  
 _Why?_

~+~

To be continued?

*my little Charlotte


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik's still an asshole. Raven and Charles are on the glorious road to friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, some of you like this. Thank you!

Charles was sitting in the cafeteria, staring into his coffee. His shift was finally over. And to put it quite frankly – he was exhausted. It wasn’t that there were hard cases or bitchy patients. It was so exhausting being around Erik all the time. Charles really had thought that he was over him. Every memory of Erik was so twisted and two-sided. The memories contained love and pain equally and thinking of it _still hurt so damn much_. Sighing, he took a sip of his coffee and promptly choked when Erik appeared with a tray in hand. “You don’t mind, do you, Charlotte?” he smirked and sat down. Charles just smiled. Helpless. 

“So you’re the new one? How cute and feminine you are, sugar”

Charles raised an eyebrow and was greeted by the sight of a stunning blonde who sat next to him, watching him intently. “Feminine? Your humor is marvelous, “ Charles answered drily and shot Erik a dirty look when he snickered. “Well you certainly have the lips of a woman. What are you wearing? Is this the new Chanel lipstick?” 

Charles could only gape and touched his lips with his fingers. “You two are certainly a pair of comedians,” he said and shook his head. When she heard the word “pair” her eyes glinted and she shot Erik a hot look. Charles bit his lip. Who was this ~~whore~~ woman? Erik seemed to know what he had been thinking because he chuckled, “This is Emma Frost, the senior nurse of the surgery department.”

Charles nodded and was surprised it when Erik put an arm around him. What was happening? He tried to remember how to breathe and forced himself not to lean in to the warm touch. When he finally wanted to give in he realized that Erik was touching Miss Frost, patting her, no, _caressing_ her shoulder. Charles was simply Erik’s way. Ugh. Erik’s hand fell beneath him and Emma and then he pulled back and resumed eating his food. Emma looked very pleased and sipped her tea. Charles felt like he had missed something important. 

“I, uh…got to go now. The shift is over, anyway,” he said and Erik looked up. “What? Have you already finished the paperwork?” he asked and Charles looked at him dumbly. “What paperwork?” Erik frowned. “My paperwork,” he answered matter-of-factly. Charles crumpled the paper cup in his hands. “Why would I do your paperwork?” he asked and Erik looked at him like he was the dumbest person on the planet (just like the good old times). “Because I own your ass from now on and I don’t care that you’re the son of the boss. Or do you want me to report to him?” Erik asked sweetly and Charles sighed. No, he definitely didn’t want that. “Whatever,” he nodded and left the cafeteria. 

Stupid Erik with his stupid face. What on earth had Charles done wrong to deserve something like this? He just wanted to start a new life and fate had brought Erik in it again. Just like so many years ago.  
***  
 _  
“Why on earth are you still here, Charlotte?”_

_Charles looked up from Erik’s English homework and tried not to swoon over the incredibly hot German accent which Erik couldn’t get rid off when he was angry. And he was angry with Charles all the time. Charles had no idea why. He knew Erik for almost a year now, and Erik’s temper was legendary. Charles wished nothing more than to soothe this boiling anger. And if he had to be the main target of the anger, he could live with that. Usually, Erik seemed better after yelling at Charles or being mean to him. So Charles took it. He would do everything that would help Erik._

_“I live here, Erik,” he said calmly and offered him a smile at which Erik turned around and opened his drawer searching for clothes. Charles couldn’t help but to stare at his half naked body. A little while ago Erik had thrown a fit because of some mistake he made in his English paper. When Charles had laid his hand on Erik’s to assure him that it was just a small mistake, his English was very good for someone who just had lived in England for one year, Erik had left the room. Apparently to take a shower. Maybe a cold one, to clear the head? Charles wouldn’t know._

_“I know that, idiot,” Erik snapped and lost the towel to put on clothes. He already had underwear on, thank god. Charles wouldn’t have known what to do if Erik would have been shamelessly naked. (He was sometimes because he didn’t care that Charles lived in this dorm room with him. Charles was polite enough not to look, but it was getting harder)_

_Charles cleared his throat. “Okay, now that we have stated the obvious, would you mind continuing the homework?” he asked and the answer was the bang of the door. Erik had left. He sighed and jumped on his bed, cuddling the pillow. Why didn’t Erik like him? What had he done wrong? Charles’ stupid crush on him was getting more and more serious. He was so nice to Erik, good God, he even laughed with Erik when the German boy made jokes **about** him in front of the whole class. He really was pathetic. Why, Erik? Why?_  
***  
It was a quarter to eight o’clock when Charles finally was finished. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and smiled at Alex, the nice nurse who had helped him decipher Erik’s scrawl. “Thank you very much, Alex, you really shouldn’t have,” he smiled at the blonde man who just waved his hand and shrugged. “It’s the least I could do,” he said, “I’ve seen how Dr. Lensherr treated you today and I kind of pity you. Nobody deserves the wrath of the German Thunder!” Charles snorted, because _German Thunder_? “Well, in that case. Thank you very much.” Charles thanked him again and made his way to the locker room, occasionally greeting a nurse or a doctor he had met during the day. 

He was in the middle of taking off his scrubs when he noticed a crumpled piece of paper in the left pocket of the garment. “Huh?” Charles carefully straightened it.

_Meet me in my office at 8. I need to let off some steam. Leave the underwear._

Charles stared at the message in disbelief. Was this a sick joke? Why would Erik (and it was Erik’s scrawl, Charles just spent ages trying to read his handwriting) write him such a message? And no underwear. Why would he have to get rid of his underwear? This whole thing sounded like an impromptu… _Oh. OH._ It dawned Charles what it meant but that seemed impossible. Erik didn’t even like him. Charles tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He had to ignore this. He was sure this was some kind of stupid joke. And he had to be careful around Erik. He had known this since he was 14.

So naturally, Charles went to Erik’s office. 

When he opened the door to the office, nobody was in there. It was still five minutes to eight, though. _What the bloody hell am I doing here?_ Charles chided himself. But curiosity won. He needed to know what Erik meant. But when he all of a sudden heard the door, he wanted nothing more than bolt. He fled behind the curtain where patients could undress themselves and held his breath. It was silent for about five seconds and then Erik’s deep voice said, “There you are. You’re already undressing? Nice. Less work for me.”

Charles couldn’t believe it. Was he in some kind of strange parallel universe? Was Erik finally willing to sleep with him? But why? Charles grinned despite his nervousness. He always had dreamt that his first time would be with Erik. (Ugh, bad memories. Erik definitely hadn’t been present when Charles had lost his virginity.) And now he could have sex with Erik? 

“But leave on your bra. You know I like that.”

Wait, what? Bra? What bra? When would Erik stop the female jokes? 

“Are you hiding? I can see your shadow, you know …Come on, why are you so shy? Have you developed a new kink? I don’t have that much time, Schätzchen. Need to check the paperwork Xavier did.”

Well, shit.

The message hadn’t been for Charles at all. Now it was easy to put it together. Erik must have tried to slip the message in Emma’s scrubs in the cafeteria. So were they dating? Or just fucking? 

Erik made an impatient noise and stepped closer. He was now directly behind Charles, just the curtain between them. Charles’ heartbeat sped up. He couldn’t say if it was because of rising panic or rising arousal. He could feel Erik’s body heat and the last faints of his aftershave were tickling his nose. 

Suddenly, Erik drew the curtain away and Charles only could stare like a deer in the headlights. Erik seemed to be truly surprised and some emotion flickered over his face. But he was composed within seconds, grabbed Charles’ arm and dragged him nearer. 

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Uhm…” Charles said dumbly and reached for the piece of paper, showing it Erik. The taller one eyed it and narrowed his eyes.

“What? You thought that was meant for you?” his scary smile was spreading, “Oh, Charlotte. Still in love with me? After a whole decade? No, it’s longer than that, isn’t it?” 

Charles knew he was blushing. That was so humiliating. Why would Erik remember his stupidity? Erik was clearly laughing at him. “I would never sleep with you, I thought I made that clear, a long time ago.”

10-year-old pain he long thought forgotten split Charles’ heart open and he had difficulties to breathe. Determined to remain some dignity he shook his head and hoped that his expression wasn’t too shattered. 

“Of course not, why would I think that? I just wanted to give this,” he held the piece of paper up, “back. It was clearly not meant for me. You must have put that in my pocket by accident.”

Erik drew nearer and Charles thought it was impossible, but his stupid heart beat faster and faster. Erik’s lips were dangerously close to his own. “Accident indeed. Why would I want to meet you of all people? You don’t do quick fucks, Charlotte. It has to be all love and happily ever after, with Charlotte.”

Charles groaned and stepped out of Erik’s personal space. Thankfully, Erik no longer held him. 

“Whatever,” he spat, now angry because Erik remembered so much and was still using everything against him. “I don’t care with whom you fuck,” mentally, he cringed. He hated to say the word, but he needed to be tough or else he would cry. “Please make sure to reach the right person, next time. How many people in the hospital do you fuck, huh?” Erik’s raised eyebrow and mean grin was answer enough. “Just make yourself a schedule, can’t be too hard, can it? That’s way more decent, don’t you think? No more awkward situations.” Erik just laughed. “Anyways, please don’t bother me further with your sexual antics. It’s disgusting.” Charles said and wanted nothing more than to run. But he tried to remain some dignity and walked to the door in a normal speed.

Just before the door closed (and he would be free to run) Erik chuckled and asked, “So, do you wear underwear or did you do like I said?”

Charles closed his eyes. Of course there was no fooling Erik Lensherr. He knew that Charles had thought the message was for him. 

“Fuck you, Erik,” he just said and fled.

How utterly embarrassing. As it wasn’t enough that Erik still remembered certain things of their _relationship_. No, he had to use it against Charles. And why was he so flustered? He ought to be over Erik. Long time ago, he had made a vow to never think about him again. And now his heart was beating so fast just because he and Erik had been so close in one room. It felt like he was still in love with this bastard. 

Charles shook his head and resolutely grabbed his bag. When he reached outside, rain was pouring and he sighed. Where did he park again? He really didn’t want to drive one hour to North Salem, especially in this mood. Normally, he liked driving the car. And driving one hour was his method to clear his head and relax. But when he later stood in the waiting line of cars (and that was just the line for getting out of the parking lot) he sighed. He knew that he couldn’t drive two hours every day. Not with this job. But for now it had to do. He didn’t feel like apartment-hunting. The lane was finally moving and he saw the reason why it took so long. There was a tow truck lifting a broken car. Charles didn’t pay it much attention but then he saw Raven talking with the driver of the truck. It seemed to be her car and she didn’t even have an umbrella. Charles stopped next to the two and scrolled down the window. “Hey, is your car broken?” he asked her and she looked at him, clearly stressed out. 

“Yeah,” she said, “it just stopped after I left the parking lot and wouldn’t start again. I have no idea what’s wrong…,” she sighed and Charles nodded. Then he remembered the bridge incident. “Are you living in North Salem? I could give you a ride,” he offered but she shook her head. “No, my parents live there, my apartment is in New Rochelle, I wouldn’t want you to ride there.” She said. 

“But-,“ Charles began and she interrupted him, “it’s okay, I’m taking public transportation.”

But Charles wouldn’t have it. “Don’t be a fool. It’s pouring and I don’t care about a couple of minutes more,” she still didn’t seem convinced and he reached over and pushed open the passenger door. “Just get in; it’s really no big deal. And you’re drenched. Come on, I’m sure I have a blanket here somewhere and we can stop at a drive-thru and buy some nice hot coffee.”

Now she smiled hesitantly and then nodded. She got in and he took her bag, putting it on the backseat where he also found the blanket. He gave it to Raven and started the motor. 

“Thank you so much,” she said and took off her sweater….then her T-Shirt and her Jeans. Charles tried very hard not to look. “What are you doing?” he asked warily and she grinned. “You just said it. I’m drenched.” Out from the corner of his eyes he could see that she had a very nice matching pair of underwear. Dark blue silk. Oh god. He felt the heat creeping up his face, the second time within an hour. He should work on that. No wonder Erik called him Charlotte. He had girlish standards about sex and blushed like a virgin. No, not thinking about Erik again. He grabbed the steering wheel tighter and bit his lip, and slammed the break at the traffic lighter harder than he intended to.

“Is everything alright?” Raven asked, now wrapped in the blanket. He smiled at her tiredly, “It’s alright, I’m just exhausted. Being the new one is hard.” Especially with Erik Lensherr as the superior. 

_Please, please, I don’t want to be still in love with him. I thought I was over him. Please, please, please._

“So, you and Erik, huh?”

Charles almost drove in the opposite lane. Shocked, he looked at her for a moment until he had to watch the lane again. How the hell did she know? “Excuse me?” he asked carefully.

Raven chuckled, “I know him, my dear. He’s a really good friend, actually, “ _no way_ “But I know how serious he takes his job so he’s very demanding, isn’t he?”

Charles made a non committing sound and hoped she would change the topic but he had no such luck. He felt that she expected an answer and suddenly he had the urge to tell her everything. It was one thing to spill your needs and feelings in a diary but he never ever told a soul about his feelings ( ~~except that one time~~ ). And now, with all the memories washed up and the recent events …it was eating him up. 

“Just don’t fall in love with him. He hates that.”

Charles might have laughed a little bit hysterically. “Who, me?” he asked and tried to smile confidently, “Never.” There was silence for a few seconds and then,

“Oh dear, it already happened.”

They stopped at a railroad crossing and he sighed loudly. “It’s not like that,” he admitted and searched her face for any trace of pity or amusement. But there was none, just sympathetic attention. “I’m not in love with him,” he stated. If he said it often enough then maybe he would believe it sometime. “But, uh…I, I was….long time ago.” Raven’s eyes widened. Charles bit his lip. He better made it short and painless.

“We were in Eton together,” he explained, “he had moved to England shortly before he had gotten a scholarship for the school.” Charles remembered the gangly, angry boy who had worked so hard. “I was assigned to help him with English. Hence, we shared a dorm room together.”

The train went through and Charles started the motor again. “You know how it is. I fell in love with him instantly,” he swallowed hard, “he hated me, called me names. We graduated. End of the story.” Not too interesting. But that was like over a decade ago. I moved on. Of course it’s a little bit awkward but we’re both professionals.” At least he hoped that. 

Raven laid her hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. “So you like men?” She asked hesitantly and he only shrugged, “I like both,” he stated.

“Oh, Charles, I’m so sorry. That must have hurt so badly. He really is kind of a sociopath.”

Charles snorted. Understatement of the year. 

“You have to fight back, you know,” Raven continued, “Don’t give him more reasons to bully you. He hates weakness. Like you said, it was long time ago. If _he_ didn’t grow up, _you_ certainly did. I bet you will rock the surgeon training.”

Charles smiled, “Thank you.”

Raven just squeezed his shoulder again and finally changed the topic. 

When they drove into New Rochelle, the rain was so intense, Charles could only see in a short distance and the streets were flooded. With more luck than skill he made it to Raven’s apartment complex and asked himself how the hell he was supposed to drive home. Raven seemed to think the same.

“You certainly can’t drive home in this weather,” she said while dressing in the half wet clothes again. (pointless, she sure was going to be drenched again, despite the short way to the door) “Are there any hotels nearby?” he asked. Or maybe he could just sleep in the car. 

“Don’t be silly. Of course you can sleep at my apartment. That’s the least I could do since you drove me all the way here, “ Raven said and fumbled for her bag. Charles raised an eyebrow.

“What, no coffee invitation?” At her laugh he wiggled his eyebrows and grinned. “Thank you, that’s nice of you. And of course I can drive you back to the hospital tomorrow,” they already had talked about having the same shift tomorrow.  
When they reached the house entrance they were wet to the skin like Charles had predicted. The elevator ride was silent and when they got out at the 4th floor they even left behind small puddles of water. There was an old woman who had wanted to go down and she looked at them scandalized. How dare them to look so wet! “This is a civilized building, Ms Darkholme,” she said tight lipped and stepped into the elevator. When she nearly slipped on the water, Charles jumped in action to steady her but she hit him with her umbrella. Hard. 

“Don’t touch me, you pervert!” she shrieked and Charles backed off quickly. “Okay, okay,” he mumbled and followed Raven. When the elevator doors closed, they looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“Nice neighbors.” Charles grinned and rubbed his arm where the umbrella had hit him. 

Raven opened the door to her apartment and let him step inside. 

“Ah, Mrs. Goldstein, that old witch. I think she is 159 years old,” Raven switched on the lights and Charles was greeted by a big warmly decorated apartment. 

“Please, feel free to shower so you won’t catch a cold. I just need to go to Kitty, my neighbor, for a moment,” Raven showed him the bathroom and Charles thanked her, peeling out of his wet clothes as soon as the bathroom door was closed. Just two minutes in these wet clothes and he was freezing. 

He was standing under the hot shower for five minutes when he heard the door again. Raven must be back. The hot shower felt heavenly; and just now he realized how stressful the first day had been. Assuming that Raven would want to shower too, he finished quickly. Drawing back the curtain he nearly slipped when a voice said, “Is my wee-wee going to be that big when I’m older?”

_What the…?_

He hid his lower body behind the curtain (he certainly liked hiding behind curtains…) and stared at the small boy who stood there, staring back, seriously expecting an answer. “Raven?” he called, unsure what to do. There was an answering ‘hmm’ from behind the door and she peeked in. “Everything alri-“ then she spotted the boy, “Kurt! I told you not to go in there! Chop, chop. Bedtime! I’m so sorry, Charles,” she said and shooed the boy named Kurt away.

“Mom, did you see his wee-wee? It’s bigger than mine!”

Oh my god, would he ever learn not to blush like a schoolgirl? And if that wasn’t bad enough, Raven tried to peek behind the curtain! Charles tried to hide deeper behind it and closed his eyes. Raven laughed the whole way out and he could still hear her laughing when he dried himself. When he stood there, naked, he realized that Raven must have taken his clothes to dry them. Well….

As if on cue Raven’s voice wavered through the door again. “I have put a bathrobe next to the door, you can put that on,” she said and Charles searched for a moment until he found a big red bathrobe. Huh, that wasn’t a feminine bathrobe. Did a man live here? 

_Kurt sure as hell wasn’t conceived alone, Charles._

Shrugging, he put the bathrobe on and stepped outside. Raven was waiting with hot cocoa in the kitchen (they didn’t go to a drive-thru maybe next time) and frowned for a moment at his sight. He looked down at himself but couldn’t find something odd. “Everything alright?” he asked and she snapped back to attention.

“Yeah, sorry, it’s just. That’s my husband’s bathrobe.”

“Oh…is it okay to wear this?”

“Obviously. I put it there for you, didn’t I? And it’s not that he would care, I haven’t heard from him for three years.”

“So you are divorced?”

Raven laughed humorless.

“I wish.”

That sounded odd but Charles didn’t want to dig further. Silently he took the mug of cocoa and took a sip. Then he groaned in pleasure. “That might be the best cocoa I have ever tasted in my entire life,” he told her and she smiled again. “Thank you. Kurt loves cocoa so I spent years perfecting it,” she took a sip herself and then rubbed her wet hair with a towel. She already had changed in a pajama. It had ducks on it. Many yellow ducks that were bathing or taking a shower or sleeping. Charles couldn’t help but stare. Raven noticed his stare and looked a bit sheepish. “I like it. It helped me through medicine school cramming nights,” she said and he grinned.

“It’s cute,” he assured her and watched around the neat kitchen. After a while of quiet cocoa sipping he decided to ask, “So, Kurt…,” he began and Raven smiled at the thought of him. “Yes, he’s my son. My neighbor does the babysitting. It isn’t easy without…,” she shrugged and Charles understood. He took her hand and squeezed gently. 

“It’s okay, you know? Men are assholes.” He pointed at himself and said, “I’m the worst.”

“No, you’re not. You’re too nice for the world. And I have only known you for a few hours,” she said so earnestly that he didn’t know what to answer. He rarely got praised. Charles got the feeling that there was suddenly some tension in the room and cleared his throat. “I’m really tired,” he said and that wasn’t even a lie. Raven nodded and placed the dirty mugs into the sink. 

“First days are a bitch,” she concluded and showed him the guest room. There was a small bathroom with a sink and a toilet attached and Raven handed him a new toothbrush with toothpaste. “Here you go. Thank you for driving me home,” she said and Charles shook his head. “No, thank _you_ for letting me sleep here.”

Raven smiled and then hugged him. “You’re a really nice person, Charles.” And with a peck on his cheek she left and Charles touched his cheek. Raven’s lips had been warm and soft. Sighing he went through his bedtime routine and then settled back on the bed. He looked at the clock. Half past eleven. Maybe he should call his parents. 

_Don’t fool yourself, they don’t care where you are_.

He opened his bag instead and took out his diary.

>   
>  September 20th, 2014
> 
> It’s 11.30 pm and I had a hell of a day. You wouldn’t believe whom I met today. Erik fucking Lensherr. And it was like we never were apart. He’s a mean asshole but perfect in his job and I am the helpless ~~rookie~~ surgeon in training. I still can’t get over the fact that he’s my senior physician. There are hundreds of first class hospitals in the world and he chooses to work at Mount Sinai. Just my luck. Every time I’m in the same room with him, I have the urge to prove him that I’m neither dumb nor girlish. But it’s hard to prove when on your first day you couldn’t bring him the coffee because the coffee machine in the department is a bitch and Mrs. Hamilton with the appendicitis calls you Missy Xavier…..  
>  At least I got to know Raven better. She’s really nice and I’m currently sleeping here. She also has a son and a husband. But he doesn’t seem to live here anymore. Although they aren’t divorced he no longer lives here. I wonder what happened between them but unfortunately it isn’t my business.  
>  Anyway, I’m tired as hell and hope it will get better. Maybe there is a friendship looming between me and Raven. I could use a friend. All of my friends are still in England and I haven’t heard from them in ages.  
>  I hope I can sleep well ~~not like in school when I always have dreamt about Erik and woke up with a boner next to a sleeping Erik~~ and will start the new day fresh as a daisy.  
>  Raven said I need to fight harder. I need to put Erik in his place. How could I ever learn to be a top surgeon when I can’t maintain a professional relationship with my senior physician? He’s an egoistic asshole who seems to fuck through the whole hospital. He will never ever do that with me and made that very clear today. ~~Again.~~  
>  I have to live with that and why on earth does this bother me still so much?  
>  Get a grip, Charles!  
>  Watch it, Erik. I’m going to prove my worth. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Schätzchen = Darling


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles is confronted with a problem that is not named Erik. And God bless Raven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I wanted to upload this yesterday evening but then the world cup semifinal interrupted and Germany destroyed Brazil. And after watching the analyses and interviews afterwards it was 1 a.m. and I still needed to beta the chapter...  
> But today I present you the new chapter! I hope you like it.
> 
> Oh, and during the writing process I listened non-stop to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgNppGWWBto). I love that song. Maybe it will become the official song of the story, ha. That would be very depressing, though....
> 
> Anyway, thanks for the comments and the kudos! You can't imagine how happy I am with every new notification!

“He’s complaining about massive headaches and everyday nose bleeding for the last three weeks.” Charles explained to Erik who had come to examine the new patient. Erik nodded and made a gesture for Charles to go on.

“I think a MRI would be a good idea,” Charles provided and rattled off theoretical diagnoses. He tried very hard to fight down a blush during his little speech. Every time Erik tested Charles, he had this intent look because of concentrating and finding possible mistakes in Charles’ speculations. But it was very seldom that he had to correct Charles and Charles was damn proud of that fact. After he finished he almost melted when Erik showed a small quirk of lips and put away the patient’s file. Good God, why did he have to look so good? 

“Alright, meet up with Dr. MacTaggert when you have the MRI results, she’s one of the best neurosurgeons.”

With that he left and Charles stood there for a while, pretending to watch the nurse doing her job but with thoughts far away from the patient. Why couldn’t he figure Erik out? He was now working here for roughly three weeks and every time they were working together Erik was as professional as one could wish. But meeting in private, in the locker room or in the cafeteria for instance, he was such an asshole that Charles often thought about quitting and going back to England. He was sure some fancy hospital would take him gladly. But every time he would say so to Raven (whom he saw every day and she slowly was becoming a shiny light in his life) she would slap him on the back of his head tell him to suck it up and say, _seriously just fuck him_.

Oh, he would **if** he ever had the chance. Charles wasn’t even in denial about that fact anymore. 

Raven always preached that this had to be the only way to get Erik out of his system. _And not fall in love, again, Charles. Don’t do this to yourself. You’ve suffered enough._

Sometimes Charles asked himself if he had maybe trusted her too early. But he had stayed a few evenings at her place during the time her car was under repair. And with reality TV, wine and a lasagna to die for, she had made her way into his heart and he had told her everything _but_ made her promise to never ever tell Erik something about this or his revived ~~love~~ crush on him.

She had promised and then tried to explain why she and Erik were good friends actually. Charles could understand easily. He assumed, if you once have earned the trust of Erik Lensherr and won’t fall in love with him, he would be a fierce and loyal friend. But friendship with him was far too late for Charles. He never even actually tried that. He always had pictured Erik as a potential boyfriend, not a friend. And he was sure that Erik had known that. Maybe that had been the mistake all along…

~+~

“Wow, that’s some badass tumor, oh how I already love this.”

Charles could only stare at Dr. MacTaggert during her rant about how she worshipped the size of the tumor and how on earth the patient was still alive. What a challenge the operation would be. 

“Maybe a little bit respect would be appropriate,” he said but she just glared at him and hopped from her desk where she had been sitting. 

“Oh, shut it, rookie.”

Not it was Charles’ turn to glare. Rookie? He was a fully qualified doctor but his superiors tended to forget that, even when they were around the same age. God, he should have opened his own office. Then he wouldn’t have these problems and would be living a nice, quiet life. 

“Now, if you’re done being a pussy, you want to prepare the patient and then assist or not?” Dr. MacTaggert asked and put on her scrubs. Wow, what a nice attitude. Charles could only roll his eyes and she actually smirked.

“You’re friends with Dr. Lensherr, aren’t you?” he asked. He was sure that there was a club in the hospital whose whole purpose was it to insult and mortify Charles. But she surprised him by saying, “Nah, I hate that dick.”

At that, a blinding smile was creeping upon his face. Her answer was an irritated look (are you somewhat insane?) and she shooed him out of her office. 

Grinning, he left the office and greeted the pediatrician resident Cassidy who was lurking in the hallways. Maybe Charles was on his way to a second friend at the hospital. 

_The enemy of my enemy is my friend._

~ +~

Charles was worn out when he put nasty looking mac and cheese on his tray. The operation had lasted five hours and in the end the patient had died. (There hadn’t been a big chance of survival anyway, but…) It wasn’t Charles’ first dead patient but he hadn’t had one in a long time. So, greasy food seemed a good idea for calming the nerves. He took the chocolate pudding, too. After filling a cup of Earl Grey’s (which was surprisingly good here) he looked for familiar faces and spotted Raven who waved her hand and smiled at him. He smiled back but frowned when he saw that Erik was at her table, too. Raven raised an eyebrow that said ‘What did I say? Fight!’ and Charles sighed. He really wasn’t in the mood but he also wanted to talk to Raven so moved and took a chair at their table.

“Hi,” he said and Raven bent forward and kissed his cheek. That earned her a small smile from Charles and a questioning look from Erik.

“I didn’t know you liked girls, Raven,” Erik said and Charles just looked at his food and started eating. There was no way he was picking up a fight with Erik now.

“Oh fuck you, Erik. You know I don’t. I like Charles. Just Charles.” That was interesting to hear and when Charles looked up he didn’t notice Raven’s smile, only the small frown on Erik’s face.  
“I didn’t realize you two became friends.” Erik said and Charles couldn’t prevent himself from saying, “Yeah, there’s a lot you don’t know.” Before Erik could answer, Raven engaged him in another conversation. Charles listened only with half an ear while working his way through the food in record time. When he finished his pudding and took the last sip of his tea he felt much better. 

“So I take it, the operation didn’t go well?” Erik asked him, “You were always a fan of comfort food.” He added and Charles glared at him. “Yes,” he answered Erik’s question, “Mr. Anderson died at 5.28 .” 

Raven reached over the table and squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry, Charles,” she said and Charles shrugged. “He didn’t have a big chance anyway, so…” He said and Erik nodded but didn’t say anything to comfort Charles. Why would he? Charles decided to talk a little bit about the operation itself because the whole operation itself had been very exciting. 

“…and I think I’m in love with Moira. She’s weird but awesome,” he finished his story jokingly and Raven laughed. “You are? Well, good for you, she’s hot and you deserve someone hot.”

Charles chuckled and Erik flatly said, “I don’t think you have a chance. The whole hospital knows she’s fucking with that Cassidy guy.”

Charles considered that. “Is that so? Well, now it makes sense, I saw him in front of her office. Good for her. Rumor has it, toy boys are reducing stress.” He tried to look serious and failed when Raven started to snort with laughter and said, “Rumor, huh?”

He really shouldn’t have told her about the short intermezzo in the storeroom with a patient’s 19 year old brother a week ago. (Tourists from Chicago, the brother had got himself a twisted knee and broken ankle. Liam constantly had hit on Charles and Charles had had a bad day ~~because of Erik~~ and simply took what had been offered)

“Oh shush, will you?” he grinned and was interrupted by a cough. When he turned around he spotted his father. 

“Charles, if you don’t mind coming to my office with me?” What the hell? That was the first time his father actually had acknowledged him here. Irritated, Charles nodded. “Alright,” he said and looked at his father curious but the man gave nothing away. Charles waved at Erik and Raven, got rid of his tray and followed his father. 

As soon as the office door snapped shut, his father said, “You need to move out.”

“What? Why?” Charles asked dumbfounded. 

“Your mother wants to marry someone else, so she wants a divorce. She also intends to close her office next month. She’s moving to Boston. And I will move in my apartment here in New York. I bought it some years ago. I won’t sell the mansion but I don’t want you to live there alone. The living expenses for one person in one mansion are ridiculous. So, I expect you to move out within two weeks.”

He had said that with such a monotone voice. Charles wouldn’t believe him at first. 

“Don’t stay there like a three-year-old, Charles Francis. Don’t you have lives to save?”

With that Charles was clearly dismissed because his father took the telephone receiver and started to dial some number.

He couldn’t read one emotion on his father’s face. Shocked, Charles left the office and pressed the elevator button when he reached the end of the floor. Leave it to his father to deliver a message of that importance in such a cold-hearted way. Charles wasn’t shocked about the divorce. He had expected it since he was seven years old and could only admire the public face his parents maintained in their beloved high society. But in the last weeks he seriously had thought they would stay together just for convenience. His mother seemed to have fallen in love, though. He laughed. That had been such an impossible thought for him. His mother…in love. 

Still incapable to wrap his mind around the whole thing Charles stepped in the elevator and was greeted by the sight of Raven and Erik again.

“Long time no see,” Raven smiled but he couldn’t smile back. He just nodded, tried to look very small in the corner he chose to stay in and stared into nothing. 

“Is something wrong with your dad?” Raven asked him and he shook his head. “No, he’s alright. Just said a few things to me…apparently I need to find an apartment in like two weeks.” He explained and grabbed his hair. How on earth should he find something suitable in such a short time? The elevator chimed and it was the floor with the gynecology department. Raven mouthed a ‘Talk to you later’, waved at Erik and then left. 

“Still not wanted in your own home?” Erik’s voice was soft. Charles glared at Erik who was nearer than Charles remembered. “I’m not in the mood, Erik,” he said and tried to step further back into the corner. 

“I thought you were always in the mood, especially here in the hospital.” Erik answered smoothly and Charles simply stared at him. Erik must have asked Raven about the toy boy thing. And Charles bet she had told Erik how everyone wanted to sleep with Charles (She liked to exaggerate) and how Charles gave in to such advances sometimes. (Well, Charles _loved_ sex thank you very much; and Raven always preached it was Erik’s loss if he didn’t want to have a share) 

Erik looked like he was in the mood for an argument (it was still his hobby getting into fights with Charles) but Charles was not, so he just said, “Oh, shut it, Erik.”

At the next floor they had to make place for a bed with a patient and Erik was now uncomfortably close to Charles. And Charles tried not to breathe at all. The nurse fiddled with the bed and _the doors just wouldn’t close_. Unfortunately Charles had to breathe eventually and was soon hit by Erik’s smell. God, he smelled so heavenly good. Erik’s smell had been etched in Charles’ mind years ago. Sometimes, in his weaker moments during school, he had inhaled Erik’s cushion deeply when the other one wasn’t in their room. Or the times he had been tutoring Erik in English and had to sit close to him…

Charles couldn’t resist the urge to look up again and saw that Erik was watching him. Charles breath hitched and he tried to look away. Erik’s eyes seemed to be cold as ever but there as something else what Charles couldn’t identify. Charles couldn’t remember when he last put on deodorant. In the morning after the shower, of course…but it had been a very long and complicated operation…ugh, he had to smell ghastly. 

Erik had a pinched look on his face.

The elevator doors _finally_ closed and nobody said a word. Only the heavy breathing of the patient was audible. One floor down, the nurse left with the patient and they were alone again. 

Still three floors to go. 

Erik’s presence was so overwhelming in his personal space, Charles wanted to reach out and _touch_ him. The urge was almost unbearable. Erik still said nothing and suddenly his eyes closed and he _took a deep breath_!

It almost seemed like…

“Oh my god, you _want_ me!” Charles blurted. 

And where the hell did that come from?

Erik’s eyes snapped open and for a few seconds he just stared at Charles. Then his lips curled into that mean trademark smirk again and he said, “Why would I want you? I don’t like you, you know that.”

But Charles _wasn’t stupid, god dammit_. 

“You’re lying. You’re always lying to me.”

***  
 _  
Charles was sitting under a tree near the rugby field and studied for a biology test. He could hear the yelling from the field and sometimes he even imagined hearing Erik’s voice. But now wasn’t the time ~~stalking~~ Erik. He really needed to ace this test and there were some topics he still didn’t understand. That didn’t happen often but when it did, it drove him insane. So he had been sitting here for hours with a Thermos bottle Earl Grey right behind him. Sometimes, when he took a break, he leaned against the tree trunk and closed his eyes, trying to absorb the surprisingly warm April sun. _

_During his last learning break he must have fallen asleep because he woke with a slight shiver. It had become cooler. There also weren’t any more noises from across the rugby field and a look on his watch told him that he must have slept a good hour and dinner started 15 minutes ago. So Charles stretched and packed his bag. When he stood up he saw him._

_Erik stood a few meters away and was watching him with a look on his face Charles couldn’t identify. How long had Erik been standing there?_

_Shyly, Charles waved a hand._

_“Hello, Erik. Is practice already over? Why aren’t you at dinner?” he asked and couldn’t help but smile. He always had to smile when he saw Erik. He had been doing that for four years in a row and often Erik rolled his eyes at his smile, saying that Charles shouldn’t be so nice. That was unhealthy._

_His smiled faltered when Erik took a few steps and was now right in front of him. He did have a growth spurt a few months ago and Charles now had to lift his chin to be able to look in Erik’s eyes._

_“Is anything the matter?” Charles asked and smiled again because he adored the frown on Erik’s face, just like he loved everything else about him._

_Erik glared at him darkly, gritting his teeth. “Why are you always so you?” he asked him and Charles looked at him questioningly._

_“That doesn’t make sense, Erik.” He said gently._

_“No, you don’t make any sense, Charlotte.”_

_And then he tilted his head and kissed Charles._

_It was just a slight peck on the lips and lasted a few seconds but for Charles it was like an eternity. His brain was overloading and he didn’t react at all. When he finally realized what was happening, Erik was already drawing back._

_Charles stared at him and knew that his face must be ruby red. There it was. His first kiss. **Erik** had stolen his first kiss._

_“What?” Charles asked but Erik turned and started walking away._

_And Charles just stood there, watching Erik vanish behind the doors of the main building._

_Erik never acknowledged the moment again and Charles didn’t dare to ask. Maybe he just had been dreaming.  
_

***  
“I’m not lying.” Erik said and his nose almost touched Charles’. He was so near, Charles had the ridiculous thought that Erik would be kissing him.

Suddenly the elevator doors opened and Erik left without a word.

Charles had trouble not to sink down and bury his head between his knees. What the _hell_ was going on? Wasn’t Miss Frost available at the moment or was that just another crazy idea to provoke Charles?

“Just get over him…,” Charles murmured. He didn’t know how many times he had said that sentence to himself. Probably after every meeting with Erik…

He finally left the elevator at the first floor and made his way to another patient.

~+~

“So, I may have an apartment for you.”

Charles looked up from his book and Raven continued painting her toe nails in bilious green. It was a lazy, rainy Saturday afternoon and Charles had been invited to lunch (invitation for a gossiping session) and now the three of them were in the living room. Kurt was watching TV and Charles was reading some trashy novel he found in a bookshelf.

“Is that so?” he asked her and she nodded.

“Yeah, it appears I have one in the city…it was my grand-aunt’s. I lived there when I was studying and before…well before I was married, before Kurt,” she explained, “I had rented it out the last few years but the renter moved out two months ago and I couldn’t decide to sell it or not. So…if you want it, I could sell it to you. I would trust you with it. And you told me about your trust fund so money wouldn’t be the problem, would it?”

Charles blinked. That sounded too good to be true. “Why aren’t you living there with Kurt? I mean, why not sell this apartment and the one in Manhattan and moving back there?” he had to ask. Raven just shrugged. “I don’t know. I like New Rochelle. Kurt has his friends here…I really don’t want to go back living in New York, you see?”

There was something she wouldn’t tell him, he assumed. But it wasn’t his business. 

“I would owe you so much…could you tell me more about it?” he asked and Raven smiled. “Of course. And it’s quite alright. I never liked the apartment very much and you certainly need it much more than I do. It’s a one bedroom with one bathroom and an open kitchen. It’s located at Upper West Side in a small street near Central Park and Broadway…so…I um…. There’s a laundry room and a 24 hours door man. And you have access to the roof. It’s lovely up there.”

Charles considered that and then asked for the price. She told him and Charles would have no problems paying that. And finally he could get rid of that money from his grandmother. “Could you show it to me sometime?”

“We can go later, if you want.”

“Tonight?” He didn’t expect that.

“Yeah, Kurt is having a sleepover at a friend’s house tonight and I don’t have any plans.”

Charles didn’t have plans either so he nodded eagerly. “That would be lovely. Can I buy you dinner afterwards? As a thank you?” he asked. Raven’s smile was brilliant. “I would love that.”

~+~

“It’s great!” Charles called out enthusiastically. Raven’s little tour was over. “I really want to buy the it.” He couldn’t believe his luck. “You’re a godsend, you know that?”

Raven actually blushed at his words and she looked so cute at the moment he had to hug her. She melted into his body and sighed happily. Charles stroked a hand over her back and buried his nose in her hair. 

“I mean it. I’m so happy that I met you. A few weeks ago my life was full of shit and then I met you….,” he kissed her hair and they stood there for a while. Silently stroking her hair, Charles looked out of the window and again thought in what a great place he would live. The hospital was literally right on the other side of Central Park. He could take a bicycle (still needed to buy one, though). It didn’t matter that the weather got worse from day to day. It would only take him roughly ten minutes to get to the hospital. And in his humble opinion it would be the cheapest way. (He had to watch his expenses. After buying the apartment there wouldn’t be much left from his trust fund and his pay grade was disappointingly low.)

His thoughts were interrupted when Raven shifted and now she was looking at him with a mixture of happiness and what was that? …oh. 

Before he could stop her, her lips were on his. Sweet, sweet, soft lips. They tasted like cherry and heaven. Charles wanted nothing more than to give in, to grab her and taking her to the bedroom.

_But_

Gently, he put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back. She didn’t look at him confused or hurt. He could only see resignation as if she knew what was coming.

“Raven, I…,” he started but she smiled shakily.

“Yeah I know, I’m sorry. I normally wouldn’t have done this…it’s just so…I’m happy to make you happy, that’s all.”

“You know, I would love to …”

“But, Erik’s still in your system and that wouldn’t be fair to me, yadda, yadda. I know you, Charles.”

Charles smiled sheepishly and looked longingly at her lovely breasts which were framed by a too tight sweater. 

“I’m really sorry, love. But not today…” _maybe, on another day, next year, in two years, who knew_

Raven laughed and smacked his head. 

“It was stupid anyway. I think I just need a fuck, did you see the newly divorced head nurse from my department. He’s smoking hot.” She wiggled her eyebrows and Charles chuckled.

“You go, gurl.”

It was amazing how easily he got along with her. Later, it was like this small incident never happened and they had a very good time at the Japanese place where Charles treated her to dinner. Raven was as nice as ever and Charles wished he could fall in love with her like she deserved it.

_Oh Erik….seriously…fuck you. You ruin everything…._

~+~

>   
>  October 31st
> 
> I am sitting in my new apartment right now. Can you believe that? One moment my parents are throwing me out and in the next moment I’m paying Raven a small fortune and now I’m the proud owner of my own home. What the hell.
> 
> I live here for a few days now and I’m wearing a costume. Yeah, you heard right but look at the date! It’s Halloween! I wanted to throw a house-warming party and Raven suggested a Halloween-themed house-warming party. 
> 
> I’m afraid that there will be many people. Originally, I invited just a few people from my department (and Raven) but some others overheard and I’m still the new one so I said something stupid like ‘you’re all welcome!’  
>  It’s not like I’m a party-pooper (ha, that reminds me of this hilarious Arnold Schwarzenegger movie) but I’m not really in the mood for too many people trashing my new home.
> 
> Now I have to face the music.
> 
> Maybe I’m lucky and all of them are on duty, tonight….
> 
> ~~I wonder if Erik will show up…~~
> 
> Whatever…I’m going to throw an awesome party. They loved my parties at Oxford. You can’t unlearn that…
> 
>  
> 
> I really want to make more friends!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All about the glorious party in the next chapter. I'm thrilled because I have still no idea what will happen there, what do you think? :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party happens. Charles wishes it never happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was finally able to watch DoFP...I loved it...but I'm shocked..they got rid off one of my favorite characters...meh

“My goodness, _Hank_!” 

Charles wrapped his arms around the shy pathologist and squeezed so hard, Hank had to had trouble breathing. 

“I never had thought that you would be coming! I’m so glad. Oh my god, and you’re so cute! Are you Doctor Frankenstein? But where’s your monster? Wait! I’ve seen one around here….he was a hot one.”

Charles giggled and poked Hanks flushed cheek with his index finger. “I assumed you didn’t even hear my invitation while I was down in the pathology. You’ve been so absorbed with your precious corpses. But I’m so happy, now!”

Someone patted his head and then proceeded to free Dr. McCoy from Charles’ grabby hands. Charles blinked and then beamed at nurse Summers. Or Frankenstein’s monster. “Oh, Monster Summers. Where have you been? I had to drink all of your shots alone!”

Alex chuckled and gave Hank an ice cold beer. “Don’t you worry, Dr. McCoy. Charles is greeting everyone like that for the past,” he looked at his watch, “half an hour. He’s wasted.”

“Am not.”

Charles tried to glare at Alex but had trouble because Alex seemed to have a twin brother who had appeared out of nowhere. “Why are there two of you?” he asked the nurse and the pathologist now frowned. 

“Why don’t you go to the lovely roof deck and catch a little bit of fresh air?” Alex asked him and waved at Raven who was standing next to the TV whooping loudly. Dr. MacTaggert and Sean where having a karaoke match and Sean reached such high tones Charles wouldn’t have thought possible. Sean wore an ugly yellow-black costume and had a sting attached on his backside. A wasp with flaming red hair. Dr. MacTaggert wore a slutty version of the Cinderella dress. 

Raven (who was the hottest Cat Woman he had ever seen, god damn…he had been speechless when she came by three hours ago to help him decorate) noticed them and made her way over. 

“Whazzup?” she asked and opened the fridge to get a new beer. She had to bend down slightly and Charles gulped and was openly staring at her backside. Now was one of the moments he would ask himself why he didn’t take what she had offered him….

Ugh, he needed to get laid. Raven was a taboo he’d rather not break.

“I think Charles needs some fresh air.” Alex said to Raven and patted Charles’ hat. 

“Oi!” Charles exclaimed and righted the hat. Raven giggled and poked at his fake moustache. 

“Come on, then,” she said, opened the door and promptly collided with a someone. A rather hot someone. A tall man in a pilot’s uniform. Charles couldn’t help but stare at the deep blue uniform. Its cut was wrapping the lean body lovingly. 

“Erik!” 

Raven’s shout snapped Charles out of his staring and he suddenly had a lump in his throat. Of course…the first guest he found unbelievingly sexy had to be him. He finally got to see the face and Erik was handsome as ever. Complete with a pilot’s hat. Oh god. Charles wanted to do bad things to him. Really bad things. 

“I didn’t think you would come, Erik.” He tried to smile and could feel the flush creeping up his face when Erik smirked in return. 

“How could I not? The whole department was gossiping about it and who am I to say no to free booze?”

Charles couldn’t hide his grin. He was pleased that Erik had come. Charles was kind of wasted anyway, so he would have an excuse tomorrow if he was too nice to him. Maybe he would make a move on Erik. Sadly, his thoughts were interrupted by a cold voice saying, 

“So, do you have more than cheap beer, sugar?”

Charles groaned inwardly and realized that Erik didn’t have come alone. 

_Of fucking course_

Miss Frost was flawless as ever. She was wearing a light blue flight attendant costume which hid nothing. They were both so smoking hot that the whole party guests were staring at them. Charles self-consciously tugged his red shirt in his blue overalls. He definitely should have put on the Genie costume. But Raven had said he looked cute in his first choice costume, so he had stayed in it. 

“Yes. The bar is right there,” he pointed at a table in front of his large living room windows where Alex was happily mixing colorful (but no doubt, deadly) shots. 

“Thank you, honey.” Emma went to the bar immediately, scaring the shit out of Alex who never would have guessed that his boss would be here. She said something to the blond nurse and Alex promptly started to mix something. Charles wondered if he was secretly a barkeeper. 

“So Charlotte, I’m stunned that you don’t have on your princess dress.” Erik smirked and Charles glared at him.

“Ha, ha. You’re hilarious.” He answered and Raven embraced him. 

“Why would he? He’s a super cute Mario, don’t you think?” Raven asked Erik and Charles blushed deeper when Erik inspected his looks. A few hours ago Charles thought the Super Mario costume would be funny. Now he felt like a child at an adult party. 

“This costume tells me one thing,” Erik finally said. Charles watched him expectantly. “You shouldn’t grow a beard. It looks awful.”

Charles huffed and stroked his fake moustache.

“I wouldn’t grow it like that, if I ever had the desire to do,” he said and Raven kissed his cheek. 

“I think you would look lovely and sexy with a beard.” Raven assured him and now Erik sneered at them both.

“And why aren’t you Peach?” he asked her and Raven shrugged. “You know the deal, Erik. Women need to dress slutty at Halloween or they won’t get laid.”

Charles snorted and Erik asked her, “And that’s your intention for tonight? Getting laid?”

As they both looked at Charles, he had to look away and took a big sip of his beer. What the hell was wrong with those two? And why was he sobering up? He had the feeling that he only could survive the party with much more alcohol. So he chugged the beer down and grabbed the next one.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have a party to host.” He bowed sarcastically and left them to their own devices. 

An hour later he was more than buzzed and was standing on his narrow balcony chattering away with ~~Dr. MacTaggert~~ Moira. She really was a fun person and had a dry humor Charles already loved. After he had told her an awkward tale about Oxford which included skinny-dipping and the police she had a laughing fit and declared that she wanted to keep him.

Moira was sipping a pink cocktail Sean had mixed for her and looked inside the apartment. Suddenly, she nudged Charles. “Look. The queen is not amused.”

Charles followed her gaze and raised an eyebrow. Emma was walking out of his bedroom where all the coats were stashed and was putting on hers. Erik was leaning against the wall and merely seemed affected by her dark gaze and words. Charles had no idea what she said but he could tell that she was pissed. Now Erik was saying something and Charles winced when Emma slapped his face. 

Erik didn’t look hurt but his gaze was now turning deadly. Before she even had the chance to withdraw her hand, he gripped her hand and she gasped. Erik’s grip looked tight and judging by her face it must have hurt. He pulled Emma against him and leaned down to whisper something in her ear. Emma blanched and tried desperately to escape his grip.

Smirking, Erik released her and made a motion with his head, telling her that she should get lost, Charles assumed. Emma put on her best bitch face, said something else and then left. 

“Wow, what the hell was that?” Moira asked very interested and Charles was dying of curiosity, too. But he didn’t show that and just shrugged. “He’s the usual asshole, I think. Come on. We’re going back inside. It’s freezing out here.” 

They went inside and when Charles spotted Erik again, he was leaning into the personal space of a blushing Genie who looked like she wanted to lose her pants right then and there.

Again, Charles cursed himself. He could have been that Genie. Sighing, he went to Alex who was indeed the barman for the party and the nurse mixed him a delicious Cuba Libre. After having three of these drinks in a very short amount of time he felt way better and the world had started spinning. Raven waved him over during her epic interpretation of Celine Dion. He took the spare microphone and together say sang (in Charles’ humble opinion) a beautiful duet. During ABBA’s _Lay all your love on me_ many of the guests were standing around them and singing along. Charles loved ABBA and was singing on the top of his voice. After the 5th song his voice finally cracked and he gave the microphone to Alex.

Now, nobody was at the bar and Charles attempted to mix himself a Tequila Sunrise when a tall shadow was looming over him. He watched up and his heart skipped a beat because it was Erik. He looked still crisp in his uniform. Charles wanted to jump his bones. So badly. Instead doing so, he offered his newly mixed drink. “Want some?” He asked. Erik eyed the (failed) Tequila Sunrise warily but took it nonetheless.

Charles mixed another one while Erik downed the whole thing in a few seconds. 

“I didn’t think you would come.” Charles said and gave Erik a smile. Erik watched him over the rim of his glass and then shrugged. “It’s my day off and Emma kept bugging me about how she wanted to go out with her new costume. And your party was the first which came into my mind.” He answered and held his glass out for Charles. Charles took the hint and refilled it.

“But Emma isn’t here anymore, isn’t she? She didn’t look happy when she left…”

“Still stalking me, Charlotte?”

Charles rolled his eyes. 

“No. You two caused quite a scene, I’m sure everyone has seen it.” He said (but he wasn’t sure about that. Maybe he and Moira were the only ones who had witnessed it but Erik didn’t need to know that) and looked at Erik expectantly. 

“It was nothing. She was bored, I said ‘let’s fuck’ and she was mad all of the sudden. Don’t know what her problem is…but not my problem anymore.” Erik said and Charles couldn’t help but ask, “So you broke up?”

Now Erik smiled his scary smile (which Charles still adored). 

“What? So you still think you have a chance, Charlotte?” He didn’t let Charles answer and tossed back his second glass. “We never were together. I don’t do relationships. I think you should remember that.” He said and Charles flinched. 

“Yes, I know that.”

They were interrupted by Raven whose cheeks were red and eyes glassy from alcohol and singing. “Come on, you two. Everyone is complaining that they aren’t drunk enough. We’re going to play ‘Never have I ever’!” She took both of their hands and pushed them to the floor where people were sitting in a circle already.

Charles groaned, “Really, Raven? That’s not a High School party…” he said but she just shushed him. Charles looked at Erik and was surprised that he didn’t complain. He just grinned at Raven and looked at Charles with a challenging stare. “What, Charlotte? Afraid you’ll lose?” He asked him and Charles frowned. There wasn’t any losing or winning in this game. He chose to ignore Erik and held his shot glass to Hank who didn’t want to play and would be the one who was in charge of refilling. 

Everyone was giddy with excitement and Charles was glad that the patients of them would never know how childish they all still were. 

Because he was the host of the party Charles had to start. 

“Okay…um…Never have I ever gone to jail,” he said and was honestly surprised when Alex downed his shot. He seriously had wanted to start lightly and wouldn’t have thought that anyone of them had been to jail. Charles felt a little bad but Alex wasn’t bothered, just grinned and had Hank refilling his glass.

The next one was Raven. 

“Never have I ever taken the morning after pill,” she said. Moira and two other women, whose name Charles had forgotten, drank. 

The next one was “Never have I ever been a peeping Tom”. Everyone except Charles downed their drinks. Even Erik. Charles stared at him curiously and wondered when Erik had done that and who he had been watching. Erik met his eyes and just grinned.

“Never have I ever done body shots.” That was the first time Charles had to drink. It was followed by, “Never have I ever been walked in by a roommate.” At this statement, Charles was blushing deep red and avoided Erik’s eyes as he drank. He could remember that. It had been so utterly embarrassing….Charles really didn’t need to remember that. He had been right in the middle of losing his virginity when Erik had come to their dorm room. (He was supposed to have rugby training at that time.) Charles would never forget Erik’s scowl and the scream of the girl under him.

“Never have I ever used a fake ID.” Everyone except Erik and Charles drank. (The advantages of being educated in the UK)

“Never have I ever had a threesome.” Only Erik raised his glass and tossed the alcohol back. 

It went on and on. Everyone laughed when all of them (even the one with the question) drank at “Never have I ever done the walk of shame.”

Charles reached his limit with, “Never have I ever pretended to drop something in a restaurant, as an excuse for going under the table to give your date a blowjob.” (He was the only one who had drunk at that phrase. Both Raven and Erik had looked at him interested.)

After that Charles had a mental blackout.

~+~

“Ughhrrrrwwwwww…..”

Charles wished he was dead. His head pounded and he had the feeling that he would visit the toilet, soon. It was disgustingly bright behind his eyelids. Oh God, he didn’t want to open his eyes. Everything hurt so damn much. He lay on his stomach and was drooling onto something soft but it wasn’t his cushion. His right arm was stretched across the bed and there at his hand he could feel the cushion. His left hand was stuck somewhere. He fumbled tentatively. His hand was on top of something warm and soft. He squeezed lightly and it felt oddly familiar. Then the softness slowly disappeared and it was getting stiffer. _Then_ he could hear someone sighing.

Charles eyes snapped open.

“Fuck!” He yelled and pulled his hand back. Due to the now gained momentum he rolled onto his back but there unfortunately wasn’t a bed anymore. Yelping, Charles crashed on the floor and hit his head hard. 

“Fucking hell…,” he murmured and tried to process the fact that he had been drooling on someone and had his hand on the dick of said someone. What had happened after the party game? Charles couldn’t remember one thing.

_Please don’t be Erik, don’t be Erik, don’t be Erik. Pleaaase. As if it isn’t humiliating enough…_

Charles could hear that the person on the bed had woken and held his breath, praying that he hadn’t molested Erik in his sleep. 

He could hear groaning and then somebody looked over the edge of the bed.

And Charles heart sank.

“What are you doing down there, Charlotte?”

Well, shit.

“Erik? What…what happened?”

He couldn’t believe that his hand had been on Erik’s dick. Was that just the aftermath? Did they do it? He would cry for weeks if he actually did have sex with Erik and couldn’t remember it.

Erik smirked and cocked his head slightly. “What, you don’t remember? What a shame…” But he didn’t say anything further. He didn’t look hung over. How unfair…

“Erik. Please, tell me…did we…,” his cheeks were heating and Erik chuckled darkly.

“I prefer my fucks naked and not-Charles-like.” He answered and Charles bit his lip. It wasn’t enough that his whole body ached, no, Erik had to be hurtful, too. 

“You could have just said no.” Charles whined and tried to stand up. That was surprisingly difficult. Once he was standing he immediately regretted it. The whole room was spinning and he sprinted to the bathroom where he then embraced the toilet and vomited non-stop for minutes.

After there wasn’t anything in his stomach anymore he decided to take a shower. Since he couldn’t hear anything from Erik or from the rest of his guests…

He was in the shower as long as he could and slowly started to feel human again. After brushing his teeth three times he was standing in front of his mirror self-consciously. He didn’t want to return to the bedroom. Erik and unanswered questions were waiting there. What had happened? Okay, Erik had said that they hadn’t fucked ( ~~pity~~ ) but that still didn’t explain Charles’ hand in Erik’s trousers. 

Charles tightened the towel on his hips and stepped in the bedroom. Erik was now standing in front of the window and was drinking from the water bottle which had been standing on Charles’ nightstand. The taller man glanced at Charles and grinned.

“You still look like a teenager.” He commented drily, and walked out of the bedroom. Charles could hear the bathroom door and after a few moments the shower. Erik hadn’t even ask if he could use the shower. 

Charles got dressed and by the time he was in the kitchen Erik reappeared. 

“Where is everyone?” Charles asked him because he and Erik were the only ones in the apartment. Erik chuckled and accepted the coffee mug Charles was offering him.

“You really have no idea, have you?” Erik asked and Charles looked at him sheepishly. 

“We were all preparing to go; it was around three in the morning. Hank was the most sober and managed to hail some cabs. But when we were about to leave you suddenly climbed me like a monkey and wouldn’t let me go.”

Charles stared at Erik. “You’re kidding. I would never do that.”

“Well, you did. Ah…and you declared that you won’t let me go because you now would do some naughty things to me. I couldn’t get you off me. Raven was laughing her ass off, by the way. She ushered the others outside and wished me, and I quote, ‘a fun time’. And by the time I was able to free myself, they already were gone.”

Charles was lost for words. He did that? But Erik didn’t seem to be kidding. He was never going to touch alcohol again. _Never._

“And…I didn’t succeed, you made that very clear…,” he said hesitantly, “but how was my hand in…,” he coughed, “in…you know..” He gestured to Erik’s trousers. 

“You shoved me on your bed, crawled on me and tried to kiss me. But you only managed to lick my face. Then you fumbled with my trousers. I was trying to get you off me, but I was drunk myself, so….” Erik actually looked a bit embarrassed. “You managed to get your hand in my trousers, whispered some bullshit and then…you fell asleep. I couldn’t wake you, nor could I get you hand out of my…,” he frowned, “It didn’t work and soon I crashed out, too.”

It was silent for a few minutes. Charles face burned and he was so ashamed. He couldn’t believe it. He would never be able to look Erik or the others in the eye again. Never. 

“I licked your face…” Charles suddenly groaned in mortification and was startled when Erik laughed out loud. 

“Yeah, you did.” And was he smiling? No…Charles was seeing things for sure.

“I’m so sorry, Erik. That was a shitty thing to do….I will do all your paperwork from today on, I swear. But please, don’t be mad!”

Charles could hit himself….now he would never get Erik. As if Erik hadn’t think so little of him before. Now, Charles completely had ruined it.

“You’re doing that already, so you have to think of something else.” 

Charles shrugged. “What should I do? I’ll do everything.” He said and now Erik was smiling his creepy smile again and Charles gulped as Erik leaned down. He was very near and Charles could smell coffee and peppermint. He really hoped Erik had used the spare tooth brush and not Charles’. 

“Everything, huh?” Erik asked and Charles nodded.

“Well, you could finish what you started a few hours ago. But please don’t lick my face. You can lick elsewhere.”

Erik couldn’t be serious, could he? “B-but..,” he stuttered, “you said you would never…w-with me…”  
God, he sounded like the teenage girl Erik always accused him to be.

“I said, I wouldn’t _fuck_ you, Charlie,” Erik mused, “but blowjob is blowjob. I don’t care, whose mouth it is…”

“You must be joking.” Charles huffed but had to admit that he really liked the general idea. He had always wondered how it would be like, going down on Erik. He almost dropped to his knees (yes, he was weak). But then Erik left his personal space and laughed again.

“You really think, I would let you anywhere near me? And you would have done it…oh Charlotte; you’re really desperate, are you?” Erik mocked him and put his mug onto the counter. 

“I’m expecting you for tonight’s shift.” He said in a serious tone and _just left_.

He really liked embarrassing Charles and then vanishing like a bad villain. (Where was his cape?)

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” Charles muttered to himself and buried his head in his hands.

Charles was standing like this for a while. He tried to think of nothing at all. A look at the kitchen timer said that he still had six hours until his shift would start. Charles drank two more bottles of water and then crashed face-first onto the bed. He fell asleep instantly.

~+~

When something chimed, he groaned and tried to catch his phone with closed eyes. After he couldn’t find it he cursed and groggily sat up. He grabbed his phone and realized it couldn’t be his phone because he only had slept for two hours and the alarm was set for two hours later. It chimed again and Charles recognized the door bell. He dragged himself to the door. Maybe some neighbor who would now complain about the noise last night.

It wasn’t a neighbor but Charles would have been happy to deal with something like that. Not with…

“Catherine?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, go away, Catherine, what are you doing here? 
> 
> And thank you for the comments and kudos. I love you all so much.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edie makes an appearance. Erik is his usual self. Charles had enough and snaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I intended to upload this on Saturday but RL got in the way. Sorry about that. This chapter is crucial. I could have written so much more but that would have taken forever.

>   
>  Fuck. Erik. Lensherr.
> 
> Stupid, idiotic dick!
> 
> Asshole.
> 
> At least I’m over him.

_A couple of weeks earlier_

“Charles…I’m so…so sorry, I know, you don’t want to see me…but…,” Catherine burst into tears and took off her sunglasses. Charles could see a blooming bruise across her right eye. He looked closer and could see a badly make-up covered split lip. “Your father wrote me your address a few days ago…I’m….I didn’t know where to go…”

Why would his father do that? Charles suspected he wanted them to be back together again.

Charles sighed heavily. Across the floor an old man opened his door and peered at them curiously. So Charles took Catherine’s hand and ushered her into his apartment. She hissed when his hand touched her wrist and he could see that it was swollen. 

“What happened to you?” He asked her. He helped her onto the sofa and then searched his freezer for an icepack. When Charles found one, he put it gently on her wrist and lifted her chin up so he could see the bruises better. 

“Mark.” She sniffled and Charles cringed internally. Yeah, Mark. He remembered. The limousine driver. 

Unable to hold back, he said, “He’s not your true love, then.” That’s what she had said to him during their last encounter.

Catherine didn’t even look mad. She just looked at him sadly and nodded. “He lost his job today and came home drunk and….,” her breath hitched and she started crying again. 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay…you’re safe here,” he said soothingly and hugged her. She buried her face into the crook of his neck and wept bitterly. Charles didn’t know what to do but he wasn’t heartless enough to throw her out again. He hated domestic violence respectively violence itself. In his opinion, violence was never the answer. People needed to communicate and be peaceful towards each other. For this opinion, he was often sneered at. 

“You want to go to the police?” he asked her and she nodded. 

Charles looked under the icepack and saw that the swelling on her wrist got worse. “I think we should go to the hospital. It may be broken.” 

Suddenly, Catherine doubled over and screamed in pain, clutching her belly. Charles froze in place when he saw the blood between her legs and on his couch. “Oh my God, are you pregnant?” he asked her with a bad feeling and she nodded. “Definitely, hospital. Come on!” he helped her up and snatched his jacket. Catherine went over her ankle and Charles realized that she wasn’t able to move, so he lifted her up in his arms. When they were sitting in the taxi he called Raven.

_”Charles! Are you alive and well, yes?”_

“Hey, are you in the hospital?” he asked her urgently.

_”Yes, I’m here early because of a patient, why?”_

“Are you busy right now? I need you.”

 _No, my shift officially starts in an hour and I already checked on the patient. What’s wrong, Charles?”_ She sounded genuinely worried.

“Meet me at the entrance. I’m with company.” With that, he ended the call and pressed Catherine to his side, stroking her hair. “It’s alright. We’re almost there. A good friend of mine will check on you.”

~+~

“Charles, what-?”

Raven greeted them in front of the entrance and looked at them curiously. She clearly wanted to know who the woman was. Charles had told her about Catherine but never showed her a picture. Charles shook his head. “No time, Raven. You need to check her…,” he bit his lip, “She’s pregnant and lost blood roughly 20 minutes ago,” he explained.

His friend’s face changed to professional immediately. “I see, come on, then,” she said and helped Catherine into a wheelchair. “She looks bad, what happened?” Raven asked him as they made their way to the gynecology department. “She was beaten up by her boyfriend,” Charles explained and ran his fingers through his hair. “She suddenly stood in the doorway.” 

Raven nodded and crouched down so she was at eye level with Catherine. “Hi, I’m Doctor Darkhölme. What’s your name, darling?” she asked her and put a hand on Catherine’s knee gently. Still clutching her middle, Catherine mumbled, “Catherine.” Raven raised an eyebrow at Charles but he just shrugged. It didn’t matter at the moment. When they reached the department Raven took Catherine with her for the medical examination and Charles seized the moment for calling the police. He explained what happened and they promised to send someone. 

“Thank you,” Charles said and ungracefully dropped on the next available chair. Burying his head in his hands he took a deep breath and tried to process what had happened in the last hour. One fact was repeated in his head over and over again. She was pregnant. How long?

Could it be…?

Charles bit his lip in worry and tried not to think about the possibility that Catherine might be pregnant with his child (and never bothered telling him). 

An hour later he had enough thoughts to drive him up the wall. What took them so long? He checked his watch and realized that his shift would start in a few minutes. But he had no intention in making an appearance. He needed to know. Everything. 

Ten minutes later he finally saw Raven approaching. With her were the two police officers had been interrogating her earlier. They nodded to Charles and said that they now would search Catherine’s boyfriend. Charles wished them luck and then looked at Raven questioningly. Raven took his hand and slowly they headed to Catherine’s room.

“Is she your Catherine?” she asked him hesitantly and Charles nodded.

“Yes, she is. I have no idea why she sought me out. How is she?” he asked and Raven frowned. “She had a miscarriage. I’m sorry.” Charles could have sworn that his heart had stopped beating.

“Did she…did she say…,” he didn’t know how to explain. How did one explain such a delicate question? Raven looked at him softly and squeezed his hand. “I don’t know, you have to ask her yourself,” she said and pointed inside a room where Catherine lay in bed. Charles took a deep breath, thanked Raven and stepped in the room, closing the door behind him. “How are you feeling?” he asked her and sat on the edge of the bed. She looked terrible. Her wrist was in a cast, the bruises in her face were blooming and she cried silently. At his question she just shrugged and said nothing. They were sitting in silence for a few minutes and Charles deliberately ignored his pager when it chimed. It was just Erik demanding where he was. 

Charles cleared his throat. “I’m sorry that you…that you lost your…,” oh God why was it so difficult to speak? “But I need to know…was it…,” he sighed. Maybe it was better if he didn’t ask that question. It would hurt either way.

“It wasn’t yours.” She spoke so softly that Charles at first thought he had imagined her speaking up but when he looked at her face it was full of sadness and a little bit of _pity_. Charles straightened automatically and looked in a corner of a room. He realized that he had wished it to be his. Despite all the shit he had gone through because of her…if she hadn’t had the miscarriage… Charles would have been happy. 

Apparently he wanted to have children. That thought surprised him. He really never had bothered thinking about it. Not with his parents as a constant reminder that raising a child didn’t run in the Xavier family. Catherine interrupted his thoughts with a gentle touch on his cheek. He startled and looked at her again.

“I’m sorry, Charles…for everything. I was stupid and…I didn’t know how lucky I was with you at my side…,” she tried to smile but it seemed to hurt her split lip and she grimaced. “I wish…I…sometimes I wished that you were the father…I would have…I would have tried to fight for you.” 

That surprised Charles. That almost sounded like she still loved him. Huh. 

“But now I have to accept that we won’t be a happy family after all. Maybe it’s better like this. Maybe I deserve it. I was an awful person, Charles. And what kind of parents that child would have had! It’s better that way!” Catherine buried her face in her hands and started sobbing.

Despite their history Charles heart broke a little bit at this sight. 

“Nobody deserves getting beaten up and having a miscarriage, Catherine,” he sighed and she just cried harder. 

His pager beeped again and now it was an emergency, not Erik’s bitchy questions.

“Sorry, I have to go. My shift started ages ago. I’m going to visit you after my shift, okay? Try to sleep it off for a little while. Raven, I mean, Dr. Darkhölme will take care of you.” 

He kissed the top of her head and sprinted out of the room. Another message on his pager and he decided to skip the locker room and just ran as fast as he could. When he reached his destination he stumbled and had to grip the patient’s bed to regain his balance. Erik stood at the end of the bed and looked murderous. 

“Where the hell have you been? Your shift started 25 minutes ago!” he snapped and Charles shrugged, “I had a small personal emergency, sorry for that.” 

“Charlie? Little Charlie?” the patient – a woman – said in a delighted surprise and Charles looked at her. At first he didn’t recognize her, but then he looked into her dark eyes and the warm light in there reminded him instantly of her.

“My goodness, Mrs. Lensherr.” 

He surprised himself when he threw his arms around her and gave her a squeeze. He inhaled her warm scent and closed his eyes. Mrs. Lensherr chuckled and patted his back. “It’s so good to see you, sweetheart,” she said with her adorable German accent. It was insane. He only had known this woman for a few weeks and hadn’t seen her in over a decade but now he realized how much he had missed her. 

__

_“Mein Gott, aren’t you a cute little boy?”_

_Charles grimaced and stiffened automatically when Erik’s mother embraced him and he didn’t know what to do. He rarely was hugged by someone. So he stood there awkwardly and waited for the hug to be over. She released him after a while and smiled at him warmly._

_“I’m so glad that I’m finally able to meet you. You’ve been helping my Erik the last few years. Thank you so much!” she exclaimed and Charles tried not to blush._

_“It’s nothing, really. The school assigned me to do it and…it’s fun,” he stammered and she laughed lightly._

_“I know how my son can be, sunshine. You’ve got a big heart and a strong will.”_

_At that Charles had to smile but it faltered when Erik appeared behind his mother. He looked at Charles darkly and crossed his arms, “Fucking finally,” he snarled and was chided by his mother instantly._

_“Erik! Ich möchte solche Wörter in meinem Haus nicht hören!”_

_Erik looked at her sheepishly. “Entschuldigung, Mama,” he said and Charles had to hide his grin. He didn’t need to understand German to know that swearing in the Lensherr household was a no-go. Erik watched him furiously and then cocked his head. “Come on, we don’t have time,” he said impatiently and retreated back into the house. Edie Lensherr sighed and then smiled at Charles again. “I’m sorry, my dear. You know how moody he can be,” she tried to take Charles’ suitcase but he quickly grabbed it. “No, no. It’s okay, I’m taking it,” he said vehemently and Edie grinned._

_“Alright. Dinner will be ready in one hour; Erik will give you the tour.”_

_Charles followed her into the small but cozy house. The hallway was full of family photos and Charles smiled when he could see some photos of baby and toddler Erik. Erik surely had been the cutest baby in the world. Edie went into the adjoining kitchen where Erik was drinking a glass of water. He surprised Charles by taking his suitcase. Charles followed him up the stairs and Erik showed him the tiny guest bedroom where Charles should sleep for two weeks…_

_It was the summer before their graduation year and they had been assigned with different summer projects. Erik and Charles had gotten a project together because of Charles’ tutoring. After the class Erik had growled that this was utter bullshit and explained that he sure as hell wasn’t flying to Westchester just because of Charles._

_Charles wouldn’t have invited him anyway. He didn’t want the others to know that he lived in a fancy mansion across the ocean. So he instantly nodded and suggested that they could work on the project together at Erik’s house._

_Hence, after long weeks of staying in Westchester, Charles had flown back to England two weeks early, so they could both patch together what they had individually worked on. After the two weeks they would travel back to Eton together._

_…and how difficult it had been for Charles. Erik had made him feel like the world’s worst intruder and when they hadn’t been working on the project, Erik had left the house to meet with friends or ignoring Charles otherwise. Edie Lensherr hadn’t known about this because of her long working hours and Charles didn’t want to whine and complain. But he was really lonely and as soon as Edie was back home, he had spent time with her, had helped her and had grown very fond of her while Erik had been brooding in his room._

_After the summer Charles had missed her badly. And he had envied Erik for his mother._

Erik cleared his throat and Charles opened his eyes again. He released Edie and beamed at her. “It’s so good seeing you again.” 

Then he realized that she was a patient and when he wanted to ask Erik what was wrong with her, Edie frowned end looked like she was about to vomit. Charles hastily searched for something and grabbed the nearby bin. Unfortunately he was too slow and after her retching was over, Charles clothes were stained with vomit and blood.

“Oh, dear, I am so sorry,” Edie said horrified. Charles just shrugged, “Don’t worry about that.”

“Yes, mother, do not worry. It is Charles’ fault. He is the one not wearing scrubs.” Erik said Charles rolled his eyes. 

“I’m going to change clothes and then I will be here for you.” He smiled at Edie but was interrupted by Erik. “The fuck you do. I need you here; we have to run some tests. I’m not so sure if it’s just a normal flu,” he said angrily. But Edie was having none of that. 

“Meine Güte, Erik! Just let the poor boy change. You’re irreclaimable!” she then smiled at Charles and said, “just go and change, Charlie. I won’t run away, I promise.”

Charles smiled at her gratefully, cocked an eyebrow at Erik but when the other one said nothing, he quickly went to change into scrubs. Ten minutes later he was back in the room and Erik tasked him with some tests. 

During the tests Charles chatted happily away with Edie and learned that she had moved to the US after Erik got the job as a senior physician. Erik had offered to live with her in his big apartment downtown but Edie didn’t like Manhattan that much. And after hours of discussions with Erik he finally had caved in and now she lived in a small house in Brooklyn. She revealed to Charles that she was writing trashy novels which were bestsellers in Germany, apparently. Charles had a laughing fit when he heard her writing alias. She asked why he found that so funny and he explained that he had seen the translations of her books in Raven’s book shelf. 

Edie’s eyes glittered when he mentioned Raven now and then and finally she asked him if Raven was his girlfriend. Charles hesitated and it took a while until he answered.

“It’s complicated…,” was all he said and she nodded and Charles was glad that she wasn’t pressing further. 

In the end, Charles conclusion was appendicitis. Erik approved of his diagnosis and decided to operate her alone. Charles was outraged. “But I ran all the tests and had the diagnosis. Don’t you think it would only be fair when I’m the one performing the operation?” he asked and Erik just shrugged. “She’s my mother. I’m sure as hell don’t trust your abilities,” he said and Charles could only gape. “You must be joking. You know I would give my best. I would give my best in every operation! How the hell can I learn from you if you don’t trust me?”

Erik just smirked, “I don’t care. You should have stayed a general practitioner, Charlotte.”

“At least, let me watch.”

Erik’s answer came in form of a dozen patient’s files which were dumped in Charles’ hands. “You need to check up on them and then go to the emergency room; they could use another pair of hands.” He winked and left Charles alone, dumbstruck. 

Speechless, Charles watched him leave and then read the first file.

It took him ages to check on all the patients and after half an hour in emergency room all hell broke loose because of a serious traffic accident. Charles helped where he could and when he emerged from the emergency room eventually, his shift was long over. Exhausted, he searched for Edie and was glad that she was awake despite the unholy hour. She confessed that she couldn’t sleep well because of an idea she had for a new book and Charles reminded her that she needed rest. He gently took her notebook, put it on the bedside table and handed her strong painkillers. Before Edie swallowed it, she gave Charles a piece of paper with her number and her address.

“You can come by, whenever you want, sweetheart,” she assured him and Charles took it gratefully.

“I will, I promise, thank you.”

It took only a few minutes and she was sleeping peacefully. 

When Charles checked up on Catherine she was fast asleep. He read her file and wrote her a short notice that he would come by later.

~+~

Raven wanted Catherine to stay in the hospital for a week and Charles visited her as often as he could. Catherine seemed to be very happy that he was spending time with her and Charles had the suspicion that she wanted to rekindle their romance. He honestly didn’t know what to think about that. Catherine made a huge effort, he realized. And once upon a time he had been in love with her, after all…

He had tried to talk with Raven about the particular dilemma but Raven was no help. She just patted him and said that this had to be his own decision. He had noticed that she wasn’t very eager about Catherine and the whole topic itself so he had dropped it quickly. 

The day on which Catherine was released from the hospital came quickly and they were waiting for the taxi outside. Catherine had bluntly asked him out on a date but Charles politely declined. “I think, you have to sort things out with your ex at first,” he said and Catherine’s face fell. But she quickly regained posture. “You’re right. But don’t think you’ll get rid of me, so fast. I owe you for helping me.”

Before Charles could answer, they were interrupted by none other than Erik. 

“Shouldn’t you be working?” he asked without looking at Charles. His eyes traveled along Catherine’s body and Catherine blushed. Catherine _never_ blushed. What the hell.

“He just wanted to make sure that I’ll get home safely,” she defended Charles and Erik raised an eyebrow. He looked like he couldn’t believe that Charles was hanging out with a hot woman like Catherine. Oh, if Erik only knew….

Charles didn’t know what to say and was glad when the taxi came in sight. He helped Catherine inside and she grabbed his face and kissed his cheek. “I will see you soon, Charlie,” she promised and then looked over Charles’ shoulder to Erik. Erik just smirked and nodded. Catherine cleared her throat, smiled at Charles one last time and Charles closed the door. They both watched the taxi leave and Charles somehow had a bad feeling. He just couldn’t identify, why. 

“So, you’re the best gay friend for all the single ladies in New York?” Erik grinned at him and Charles scoffed. 

“You know damn well that I’m _bisexual_ , Erik. And this does _not_ concern you.” 

Erik just shrugged and they both walked back inside, “As if you would make a move on such a hot chick.” 

Charles only sighed. He had no desire in clarifying his relationship with Catherine to Erik and remained silent.

In retrospect, he realized what a huge mistake this had been.

~+~

During the following month Catherine had visited him a few times at the hospital and always had brought delicious home cooked meals. It was always way too much food and Charles shared it with the rest of the department. Everyone seemed to adore her; even Erik had complimented her a few times. 

~+~

It was Thanksgiving Day and Charles lay on the sofa in the staffroom with closed eyes. His shift was almost over and he and Raven would meet in an hour at her office so he could accompany her to Thanksgiving Dinner at her parent’s house. He would act as her plus one. 

Erik was keeping him company since his shift would start when Charles’ ended and he had to do some paperwork. Erik hadn’t even scolded him when he found Charles on the sofa. Maybe he was soft because of the holiday. There was nothing going on anyway. They sat/lay in silence until there was a knock on the door and Catherine peered into the room.

“Hi, there,” she said and Charles smiled. She had been working so hard in the last month. Maybe he should give them a second chance. He was somewhat lonely. He got up and hugged her. “Hi, wow that smells nice.” She seemed to have a whole Thanksgiving menu in different Tupperware containers. 

“I cooked it only for you. You told me when your shift was over and I thought we could celebrate at your flat?” she asked him and Charles bit his lip. “I can’t. I’m so sorry, Cathy,” he said and her face fell. “What?”

“He has a hot date,” Erik interrupted them and peered into her bag. 

“I don’t have a date, I’m just going with a good friend,” he assured Catherine who didn’t look very happy and slightly heartbroken. Maybe he should cancel on Raven…

“I could eat.” Erik said happily and Catherine smiled at him and handed Erik her bag. 

“Look, Cathy, just let me-, “he started but then his pager went off and Charles cursed inwardly. “I have to go there, but don’t leave, we will talk!” he promised her but she didn’t look convinced. Charles smiled at her and hoped she would be still there when he returned. They finally needed to talk. 

He could have screamed when the patient he was wanted for turned out to be that old rich witch with hypochondria. He was preoccupied with her for almost an hour and he really was tempted to give her morphine just to shut her up. He was able to calm her down eventually and looked at his watch. He wondered if Catherine was still there. He hoped so. Hurrying through the corridors Charles vaguely remembered that Raven was already waiting for him. Better be fast, then.

He opened the door to the staff room only to stop abruptly. No, no, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. _Not again_.

“Oh my _fucking_ God, you can’t be serious. Again? And with _him_?” Charles voice was hovering on the edge of hysterical. He couldn’t have cared less. 

Erik and Catherine were frozen. She was on top of him while he was still sitting on the chair. Both of them were panting and especially Catherine looked debauched. Catherine’s eyes were full of panic while Erik didn’t seem to understand why Charles was looking so murderous.

“Charlotte,” he began but Charles interrupted him, “you are going to shut the fuck up, Lensherr,” he honest to god shouted. Charles never shouted. Erik didn’t like being shouted at and _of course_ he didn’t do like Charles wanted.

“You don’t talk to me like that,” Erik glared at him. Charles could only snort at that. He ignored Erik and watched Catherine who slid from Erik’s lap and put on her jeans which lay next to Erik’s chair, abandoned. 

“Charles,” she said pleadingly.

“No, shut up. I don’t want to hear anything. Can you believe that I was stupid enough in thinking about giving you a second chance?” he yelled at her and Erik who had been in the process of closing the button of his pants, stilled. He looked between Catherine and him. Erik tried to say something but was again interrupted by Charles. 

“I should have fucking known that you’re still the fucking whore who wouldn’t stop fucking around.” Charles couldn’t stop himself from cursing so much. He was also angry at himself. Erik was right; he was too naïve for this world. But he also was somewhat relieved that he had witnessed this scene which was kind of a horrible déjà vu. 

He laughed humorless and looked at Erik who was watching him with an expression Charles didn’t bother to read. “You know, I should thank you. You’re an asshole who doesn’t care about my feelings and kindly showed me that Catherine is just like you. Heartless and cruel. My goodness. Did you two found a club ‘Let’s break Charles’ heart as often as possible’?” Charles laughed again. Catherine was looking at him speechless and Erik looked like he had some kind of realization. 

“Hard to believe that I almost married you,” he told Catherine and then took a fork and tried some of the turkey Catherine had brought. “My, my. This tastes heavenly. You’re a wonderful cook, Cathy, darling. It is a real pity that I’m not going to get this cuisine every day. I could have had it if I had married you…,” he sighed dramatically. Both, Catherine and Erik stiffened. And Charles was suddenly so tired. He didn’t want to see both of them ever again. Unfortunately, Erik was his boss, so Charles couldn’t cut him out of his life that easy. Charles must have done something really bad in his past life to deserve something like that.

“You,” he said to Catherine, “I don’t want to see you ever again! I really hope you will understand someday what a horrible person you are. And maybe.. _maybe_ you’ll find happiness, then.” Catherine looked like she might burst out in tears any second. Charles was relieved that he didn’t care about that in the slightest.

“And you,” he looked at Erik who looked back with a strange expression. Charles bowed down and hugged Erik who was still sitting on the chair. 

“You,” Charles said again and bended his head so he could whisper into Erik’s ear. “Thank you for opening my eyes. I would have given her a second chance but you’re so kind and selfless and showed me how disgusting she is. And you, too, by the way.” Erik’s ears were pinking slightly but he still didn’t say anything. Charles reached for Erik’s chin and pressed so that Erik and he were face to face. If Charles didn’t know any better he would have said that Erik looked at him sadly. 

Despite the rage boiling through his veins but he spoke very softly.

“I will never have my heart broken by you again.” 

Why did he feel so sad? It felt like he was breaking up with Erik for good. That was insane. They never have been together in the first place. And yet….

Charles kissed Erik softly on the lips and was glad that his ire prevented him from feeling giddy about the kiss. It was just a short kiss, anyway.

“Charles…,” Erik’s breath was hot on his face and Charles pressed his fingers so hard in Erik’s chin that it had to hurt.

“No, you don’t get to call me Charles. We’re not even friends. It’s Dr. Xavier to you. You will only talk to me about work-related from now on,” Charles stated and straightened. He looked at Catherine who was staring at them with a mixture of panic and disgust. 

He couldn’t be in this room any longer. Charles felt his mobile vibrating. Raven was waiting. 

_Raven_

Charles suddenly smiled and concentrated on the warmth which was blooming inside of him just by the mere thought of her.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to find my own happiness again.” Charles stopped at the door and looked at Erik who never seemed to have taken his eyes off him. “I hope you know what you were doing and what you’ve gotten yourself into. Cathy likes getting pregnant.” Erik raised his eyebrows and Catherine flinched violently. Charles almost pitied her. Almost…

He closed the door and felt so self-balanced like he hadn’t felt in years. 

~+~

“Charles! Where have you been? I was afraid something happened to you!” Raven exclaimed when he stepped into her office and closed the door. He looked at her, letting his gaze travel over her beautiful body which was dressed in a lovely red dress. She looked spectacular. He knew that she was nervous about the Thanksgiving Dinner. That’s why she was so dressed up. She liked to hide behind a beautiful I-don’t-care-bitch-façade. It drove Charles slightly insane.

“We have to pick up Kurt in New Rochelle, you know that. Now, we have to rush and – hmpf,” she didn’t get to finish the sentence because Charles put a finger on her lips and smiled fondly. Her eyes widened. She saw something in Charles’ face that let her tremble. Charles stroked her hair and then cupped her face between his hands gently.

“You’re one of the best things that have ever happened in my life,” he whispered and stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. “I’m tired. I’ve suffered enough, don’t you think?” he asked her. Raven’s eyes were bright and shining and she nodded. 

Their lips crushed together and as soon as Charles tasted more than her sweet lips, tasted her mouth, heard her almost silent moan, he wanted more. So much more. He tried to put everything in his kiss as if he wanted to sweep her of her feet. It seemed to work because her answer was a louder moan and she grabbed his arms, clinging. Charles let his hands wander and they stopped at the curves of her ass. He squeezed it and then he picked her up and pressed her against the next wall he could find. She was kissing him passionately and he had do grin because she was fighting for dominance in a way he never would have thought. But he didn’t let her. Not today. 

Charles pressed his body hard against hers and Raven had to break the kiss, gasping for air. Charles attacked her throat with his lips and her sounds were becoming more desperate and louder. Charles loved it. One hand wandered between her legs and he could feel his blood going straight downwards when he felt how much she already wanted him. 

“Charles, please…,” she begged and fiddled with his trousers, loosening the belt with shaky hands. When one hand went directly into his underwear Charles gasped and didn’t even bother hiding his arousal and moaned loudly. 

“Charles, oh Charles…table…now…” there it was. No begging but demanding. Charles bit the skin at the crook of her neck and then carried her to the desk. He set her down and Raven rummaged in one of the drawers until she made a triumphant sound. Charles, who had been busy getting rid of the fabric which hid her breasts, looked up and saw a box with condoms. He lifted one eyebrow and she laughed.

“I hand them out to teenagers who visit me the first time,” she explained and Charles grinned. 

“Lucky me,” he said and took one of the condoms. “Now, please undress so I can do unspeakable things to you.”

Suddenly she took his hands into hers and stopped him. Charles looked at her questioningly. Raven looked at him earnestly.

“Do you really want this, Charles? I don’t want you do regret this..I…,” she sounded so unsure that Charles kissed her sweetly and leaned his forehead against his. “Raven,” he said softly, “you are most precious to me. You have to believe me. I…I was hindered by some things and you know that. But I really do want this. I want you. I want to treat you like you deserve it. I couldn’t before but I’m sure I can do it now. So, will you please bear with me as I try to figure out how to please and later treat you the best way possible?” 

He smiled at her reassuringly and kissed her nose. 

“I want this. More than anything.”

“But, E-,” she started but Charles only kissed her silent. 

“I sorted everything out, I promise.”

Raven looked at him for a few seconds but then she beamed up at him and pulled him into a searing kiss and trapped him between surprisingly strong legs.

And Charles finally let go…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There! I did it! I'm still not satisfied but I decided to upload it as it stands. And it's so long...ugh...
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments, subscriptions and kudos! I'm always so happy when I get a new notification!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles really would like to start the New Year without any problems. He's had enough problems to deal with. And why is the weather in New York so unpredictable?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh....I'm really sorry for the delay. But I had some health issues to deal with. Fun fact: Waiting in the surgeon's office and hearing how a "Herr Fassbender" is called out is funny as hell. Sadly he didn't look anything like our beloved Mr. Fassbender.

“Kinky.” Charles commented. Raven chuckled and sat down on his lap. 

“Where did you buy that? Naughty-santa.com?” he asked and let his hand wander over the red velvet which cupped Raven’s breasts quite nicely. Raven adjusted her Santa Clause hat and smirked. “Actually, it was Naughty-santa.org,” she replied, “I thought I’ll give you your Christmas present now since I have to drive to my parents with Kurt, tomorrow.”

“I have to say I never have liked Christmas Eve more. You look ravishing,” Charles said and leant down to kiss the smooth skin of her cleavage. Raven sighed and gripped his hair, tugging lightly. Charles got the hint and tilted his head up so she could kiss him. The kiss was long and filthy and so utterly _Raven_ that Charles clutched her hips hard and was already feeling his blood rush downwards. Needing air, they broke the kiss and Charles cupped her face and stroked her lips with his right thumb. 

Raven’s pupils were blown wide and she sucked his thumb in her mouth but let go all too quickly. She said, “As much as I would love to fuck you right now I say we rather go to the bedroom. I’m not fond of fir needles in my clothes and hair.”

Charles had to agree and stood up, taking her with him. She laughed delighted when he carried her bridal style to the bedroom. “You’re strong,” she admired him and Charles chuckled. “Nah, you’re just a light weight.”

They reached the bedroom and Charles put Raven down onto the bed, with care. 

“So….,” he began and fumbled with the buttons of his cardigan. “Am I on your Naughty or Nice list?” he asked and shed his cardigan. Raven helped him with his button-down and then scratched her nails over his torso. Charles hissed but didn’t stop her. She pinched one nipple and smirked when he moaned.

“You’re nice. The nicest person I know, Charles. But in bed…you’re so naughty. I have to say, I was surprised when I found out. And just to see your reaction,” she hooked her fingers in his belt, “I’m putting you on the Naughty list.”

His pants were now around his ankles and she mouthed his erection through his underwear. Charles groaned louder and then pushed her backwards. “I’ll show you naughty,” he promised her and crawled on top of Raven.

~+~

“Are you sure, you’re going to be alright?” Raven asked him through the driver’s window. Charles had driven her and Kurt to her parents’ house. He hadn’t bothered to stop by the mansion. His father was in Aspen. Charles was on his way to Boston because his mother had insisted he visit her on Christmas. And she wanted to show off her new beau, he suspected. 

“I’ll live. Have fun,” he answered and she kissed him good-bye. “I’ll see you at Mama Lensherr’s New Year’s Party.”

Raven wouldn’t work between Christmas and New Year’s. Charles however had to work again, tomorrow. His shift would start tomorrow evening. Edie had invited him and Raven to her party and who was Charles to decline the invitation? Besides, Erik was on a business trip to Germany and Switzerland. He had vanished a few days after Charles’ not-quite-meltdown at Thanksgiving and Alex had told Charles that he would be in Europe for some conferences and meet and greets with other surgeons. Apparently some hospitals would die to have him as their head surgeon. 

Charles was relieved that he hadn’t seen Erik since Thanksgiving. The time apart helped Charles to cool his head and he was sure that he could face Erik with a strict professionalism when he would return. But until then….Charles couldn’t be happier with his job (you wouldn’t believe how relaxed he was in the hospital without Erik around. He was finally able to show his abilities) and his private life. 

He watched Raven and Kurt vanish in the big house and started the engine. He wasn’t exactly thrilled about his visit in Boston but his mother sounded so genuine when she had invited him. He never had had the experience of a genuine mother so he wanted to give it a shot. It was worth a try. 

Luckily the weather was a wonderful bright and cold day without the risk of snowing. There weren’t many cars on the streets, so he reached Boston after roughly three hours and then let the GPS direct him to the Boston Harbor. The townhouse his mother now lived in was huge and Charles had to check the address again, just to be sure. He phoned her because he had no idea where to park and she directed him to a private parking place. When the car was parked safely, he took his bag and went to the stairs which led him to the entrance. 

“Charles! Darling!” 

His mother _embraced_ and beamed at him. “Oh, it’s been too long, come in, come in.” she ushered him into the home and Charles couldn’t help but be impressed with the elegant design. It really was a nice house. When his mother kissed his cheek he seriously considered being in some kind of strange parallel universe. She looked so _happy_. It was a nice look on her. 

“Hello, mother,” he said and couldn’t help but smile a little bit. When he looked behind her, he saw the man who finally had been able to crack the farce of his parents’ marriage and was surprised to realize how young the man was. Like really young. He looked just a few years older than Charles. What the hell?

“Hi, I’m John; it’s so nice to finally meet you, Charles. Sharon has told me so much,” he extended his hand and Charles shook it, trying to get over the fact that this guy could be his brother, for heaven’s sake. 

But his manners were flawless as ever. He smiled politely and said, “Likewise. I have to say I’m a bit surprised that my dearest mother found her true love after 30 years of marriage.” John’s smile faltered a bit and then put an arm around Sharon pointedly. 

His mother just glared at him. “Oh hush, Charlie. I’ve never been so in love. And he loves me, don’t you, darling?” she asked John and Charles was surprised that the love was reflected in John’s eyes. Huh. He knew that John was filthy rich, richer than the Xavier family even….no gold digger, then.

He decided to let it go for now and raised his hands to give in to her. “I’m sorry, mother. Just the protective son here,” he tried to deflect and Sharon laughed delighted. 

Charles was stunned. She was like she swapped her whole personality. Charles rather liked it. John went back to the kitchen to prepare the Christmas feast (what the…?) and Sharon showed him the third floor which was reserved for guests. It looked like the penthouse suite of a five star hotel. At least, his mother didn’t have to renounce her beloved luxury life. Sharon showed him everything and when they were in the kitchenette she made them tea. She was babbling about John and Boston the whole time and Charles even listened, trying to detect some evil plan from John’s side about his intentions but found nothing. They both seemed adorably in love. Despite the age difference….

“…and then he asked me to marry him! Do you believe it?” Sharon chattered away, sipping Earl Grey and smiling at Charles, showing him the ring with the huge diamond on top. “Of course I thought he must be kidding, I mean we only had fooled around for a few months but it appears his feelings are really genuine…”she got a dreamy look and looked out of the window which had a perfect view to the Boston harbor. Then she looked at Charles and he knew that he had to say something.

“Mother, I…I’m really happy for you. He seems very nice…I…,” he took a big gulp of his tea, “I just hope that the age difference won’t be a problem in the future.” 

Sharon chuckled lightly, “Thank you, dear. I appreciate your concern but I’m really sure about him.”

Charles just nodded and they talked a little bit (more than they had talked in years) and then went downstairs where John was cooking in an enormous kitchen and Charles got to know him better while he was sipping red wine and watching John cook (no, he didn’t need any help, thank you). Sharon was on the phone with some old friend and decorating the dining room. Charles learned that John came from old money and was a district attorney. He was 37, divorced for five years and had an eight year old daughter who was living with her mother in Austin, Texas. Charles didn’t even have to ask about John’s intentions in a subtle way; John promised him that he really loved Sharon and then began to list all of Sharon’s many good qualities. 

It was teeth-rotting sweet and Charles almost couldn’t stand it.

~+~

His visit was surprisingly pleasant and he promised his mother to come to her 57th birthday in May.

~+~

The days until New Year’s weren’t exciting. Between holidays people seemed to be more careful and the surgeon department wasn’t as busy as usual. Charles even managed ending some shifts on time. He talked to Raven via phone (yes, there was also some phone sex involved) and he always felt giddy and happy when she said that she missed him and he couldn’t wait for Edie’s party where he finally would see her again.

All in all, Charles was content with his life. He filled his diary with happy thoughts about Raven and their future together and only thought of Erik a few times. And to his surprise they were only work related thoughts like ‘I wish Erik was here, so I could ask him about this particular problem’ or ‘Erik would have a heart attack if he could see how I’m doing my paperwork of his patients, _not_ alphabetically, gasp’.

The 31st of December came and Charles was standing on the street in front of his apartment complex and was looking at his watch nervously. Raven should have been here half an hour ago and he didn’t want to be late to Edie’s party. He waited for another ten minutes and then searched for his mobile. The first time his call went straight to Raven’s voice mail but the second time she picked up breathlessly. 

“Oh my god, sorry, Charles I have totally forgotten!” she exclaimed and Charles raised an eyebrow. They just had talked about the party yesterday. What happened?

“Are you alright, love? Did something happen to Kurt?” he asked her and there was silence for a few seconds in which Charles grew nervous. 

Finally, Raven answered.

“What? Yeah…no…Kurt is alright…I mean, yes…I’m fine….,” she sighed heavily, “Charles I can’t go to the party with you. Something happened…I…I need to take care of it.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Smooth. Really smooth, Charles.

“What? No, no, don’t be stupid, Charles. I can’t tell you what happened, yet, but please believe me. There’s nothing wrong between you and me.”

Charles contemplated and looked at his watch again. He was already too late.

“ If you say so. Do what you must but you will tell me, soon. Won’t you?”

“Of course. I uh,” she zoned out again and Charles thought she could hear someone and Raven shushing the person, “I promise, but now I have to take care of….uh..the problem. See you, bye!” 

Charles stared at his phone disbelievingly and tried not to think about that strange talk too much. Maybe she had PMS or something. He shrugged and tried to forget about it…for now. Raven wasn’t a liar and he assumed he just had to wait some time and then she would tell him what’s wrong. With that in mind he walked to his car and drove to Edie.

Finally arriving, he had trouble finding a parking spot because the street where Edie’s house stood was full of parking cars and suspected that many of them belonged to Edie’s guests. He eventually found a free spot two streets further and shivered when he was outside. It had begun snowing ten minutes ago and it looked like it would do so the whole night. Stupidly, Charles hadn’t thought about bringing a thick coat. He rubbed his arms, grabbed the exquisite kosher wine for Edie and sprinted to the house. 

Nobody seemed to hear the door bell ringing. Charles tried it three times. Still shivering outside and cursing he decided to just step into the house. He was invited after all. 

He was greeted with a full house and welcome warmth. The house was decorated for New Year’s and it seemed that every free place was occupied with guests. He knew absolutely nobody and none of the guests acknowledged him. Charles simply followed the music and found Edie in the kitchen. He fought his way through the mass and when Edie spotted him she beamed and hugged him tightly.

“Charles! I was afraid you wouldn’t come!”

“I’m so sorry. I wanted to come with Raven but she had an emergency and…well…sorry I’m late,” he showed her the wine and smiled apologetically. Edie tilted her head and surveyed the wine. Then she smiled. “I love this sort. Thank you so much. And don’t worry, dear. Medical emergencies have priority, after all. Come on, I will show you the house.”

Charles didn’t bother to correct her about Raven’s specific emergency.

Edie showed him the lovely house and interrogated him in a warm motherly way. Yes, he loved his job and yes, he and Raven were still steady, yes he adored her and no, he didn’t think about marriage, it was too early. 

“I was surprised, you know?” Edie said when they were in her study which was full of pictures. Charles was astonished to find a picture of him and Erik in their old room at boarding school. He couldn’t remember this picture but he seemed to be in there by accident. Edie hat photographed Erik in the room and Charles was in the background brooding over some textbook with his headphones on. 

“Surprised about what?” he asked, looking up from the picture.

“About you and Raven.” She laughed and then shrugged, “I thought you were gay. You were in love with Erik, weren’t you?”

Charles stared at her and felt his cheeks growing hot. 

“I..uh,” he stuttered, “I’m, I mean, yes, I _was_ in love with him…uhh..but that was a long time ago and I’m bisexual, actually. I even considered marrying a woman months ago.” Charles hemmed and tried to regain a normal face color.

Edie looked stunned for a moment but then smiled warmly. “Is that so? Well, I’m sorry for assuming the wrong things, Schatz. And my Erik is history, yes?” she asked and Charles nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, definitely. He never reciprocated my feelings anyway….”

Edie startled visibly. She looked like she wanted to say something. They stared at each other until Edie sighed sadly. 

“That’s too bad. I’d love to have you as my son-in-law.”

Charles smiled and then shook his head. “Not happening, sorry. But I appreciate the thought.”

They walked down the stairs when Edie said lost in thought, “Speaking of Erik; did something happen at the hospital? I didn’t know about any business trip and a few weeks ago he suddenly called me from Düsseldorf and asked me if I wanted something from Germany. I had no idea.”

Charles gulped. 

“No. I don’t know about anything. We’re just colleagues after all,” he answered and knew Edie looked right thorough his lie but she let it slide. 

The party was surprisingly pleasant. Edie’s friends were very nice and he also met some authors who were hilarious and intended to buy some of their novels. After a few hours Charles was pleasantly buzzed and had received a text message from Raven where she apologized the nth time and promised him to tell him everything tomorrow. Charles could live with that. 

It was half past ten and Charles was sitting on the sofa alone, sipping Champagne when Edie squealed, “Erik! Mein Liebling!” he looked up and there he was. He was looking thinner and stressed with snow all over his coat. He hugged Edie and pressed a bag in her hands. “From Germany,” he said and then kissed her cheek, “I was able to catch the last flight. Celebrating New Year’s on a plane isn’t funny.” 

Then Erik looked up and stilled when he saw Charles on the sofa. Charles, drunk and a slightly embarrassed, gave him a small wave, “Welcome to the old year, time traveler”. Erik frowned for a second and then was _smiling right back_. And it wasn’t even his creepy smile. Just a small smile like they were sharing a private joke or something. Edie said something to him and he ducked his head and followed her into the kitchen. 

Charles watched them leave and decided to write a text message to Raven.

_Wish you were here._

The answer came immediately. 

_I miss you, too. :*_

He stared at the display with a goofy smile and didn’t look up from it when the sofa dipped behind him. 

“Disgustingly in love then, huh?” 

Erik.

Charles looked up and was greeted by a bottle of German beer Erik held out for him. Charles couldn’t help but smile and took the offered beer. “Thanks,” he said and took a sip. The taste brought back memories and he looked at the label.

“Oh my god,” he exclaimed, “you got me drunk with that beer.” Then his mouth snapped shut because _what the hell_ why would Erik even remember that? But instead of looking confused, Erik just smiled lightly. 

“Yes, though it wasn’t my fault. You’re a lightweight.”

“I am? I _was_. I could drink you under the table!” Charles gulped down his beer and grinned triumphantly when his bottle was the first to be empty.

Erik just chuckled and sipped his beer in a more elegant way. 

Charles decided to take a break from alcohol and helped himself with some snacks from the coffee table. Especially the hummus was delicious and he moaned lightly. Erik choked on his beer but when Charles looked at him, licking his finger, Erik stared in the direction of the television which was on mute and showing the New York Times Square. Charles’ phone vibrated again and this time it was an honest to god text message from his mother. She was wishing him a Happy New Year early in case the message won’t come through after midnight.

“Raven?” Erik asked and Charles laughed. “Nah, my mother actually. She’s in love with this guy who’s just a couple of years older than me. Can you believe that? And I was there for Christmas and he’s such a nice bloke and seems to love her dearly…”

And that’s how he managed to have a decent talk with Erik and didn’t even realize it. It was only when Erik was talking about his trip to Germany and meeting an old ex-girlfriend named Magda there, that Charles wondered how they could speak so normally to one another all of sudden. Erik hadn’t said one mean word to him since he was here. And their last encounter kind of ended with a bang. 

Charles didn’t complain, though. It was nice and he could see why Raven was such good friends with him. When there weren’t any feelings in the way, Erik was almost nice to Charles. 

It only hurt a little that Charles had to lose his feelings for Erik until Erik treated him like an equal. Talk about relationship and attachment issues.

Erik was even asking him about the relationship with Raven and Charles couldn’t say something bad about it.

“I’m really happy,” he said and in an afterthought he added, “and the sex is amazing. I think I never dated anyone this hot. I don’t know what she wants with a guy like me, though.”

Erik looked at him strangely and said with a shrug, “If you don’t know it, I won’t tell you.”

Wait, what?

Charles opened his mouth for asking exactly that but Edie interrupted him. She silenced the music and said with a loud voice, “Okay, everyone! It’s five minutes until midnight, let’s get outside and then watch the fireworks!”

Charles forgot his thought and cringed, “Shit, I have forgotten my thick coat. Didn’t think that we would be outside much.”

“Why, Charles? That’s stupid.”

But Erik didn’t say that in a mean way. His eyes were crinkling. Charles forbade himself finding that sexy. He pouted instead when every guest made their way outside. He was mentally preparing for the cold outside when a warm heavy coat was laid on his shoulders. 

“Here.” Erik mumbled against his ear and Charles suppressed a shudder. “Thank you!” Charles said perplexed and put the coat on. It was way too large for him but he didn’t mind because it felt heavenly once he was outside. He could only feel the cold on his legs and face but not at the parts the coat covered. And it smelled so nice.

He looked at Erik gratefully. Erik just shrugged and smiled again. Then he put on an old Harvard sweater which must have been at his mother’s house for quite a while. They joined Edie and the others and Charles felt giddy witch excitement because he had the feeling that the next year would be a great one. It only could go upwards with his life after the past few shitty months.

Soon everyone was counting down the last ten seconds of the old year and then the sky above all parts of New York exploded with fireworks. Charles cheered with the others and after Edie had hugged Erik and kissed him on the cheek, wishing him a Happy New Year, she scooped Charles in her arms and gave him a bone-crushing hug. Charles gasped lightly because the woman had more strength than he would have thought and then he returned the hug, closing his eyes happily when she proceeded to kiss him on the cheek.

“It’s going to be a great year for you, sweetheart. I just know it.” Edie’s eyes twinkled and then she went on with wishing the other guests a Happy New Year. Charles was hugged and kissed by people he only had known for a few hours but it didn’t matter to him. He liked the positive attitude of everyone. 

Suddenly he was in front of Erik and couldn’t help but chuckle when the other one looked quite uncertain what to do.

“Come here,” Charles said and threw himself in Erik’s arms. 

Oh boy, and it felt _soooooo good_. 

Charles had wanted to hug Erik so badly half his life and now when he had a legitimate reason to do just so he didn’t want it to end. Erik’s hands stroked over Charles’ back lightly and if their embrace lasted longer than normal neither of them acknowledged it.

And then.

Almost too silent to understand.

“I’m so sorry. For everything.”

Before Charles could react to the words Erik kissed his cheek and left his personal space, walking to some older neighbors. 

Unfortunately, Charles didn’t see him again that evening/morning. They all celebrated a bit more, Charles had pleasant conversations and just had fun. When he eventually decided to break away from the party he felt bad about driving. He was sure that he still was above the alcohol tolerance for driving safely but a taxi was nowhere in sight. Thankfully he got home safely and fell face first on his bed at the rising of the sun.

~+~

14 hours later he couldn’t stop yawning and glared at the coffee machine which refused to work properly. When Alex, followed by Erik, came into the staffroom and laughed at him Charles just whined and pushed another button. The machine just hissed aggressively and hot steam was burning his hand. Charles cursed and glared at Erik who was now sitting at a table, doing paperwork and was chuckling. 

“Just go to the coffee shop across the street,” he opened his wallet and hold out some bills, “you can bring me an Americano.”

Charles frowned at the money and then pursed his lips. “I’m not your slave, Dr. Lensherr. Go get your coffee yourself,” he looked at his watch and his whole face lit up, “Raven’s shift started a few minutes ago. I’m just going to drink some coffee at her department. I’ll be back for the operation of Mrs. Vancamp. “

Erik just looked at him and then shrugged. Charles bowed out and was three minutes later in Raven’s office. She smiled happily when she spotted him but she looked incredibly tired and worn out. Charles kissed her, snatched the steaming cup of coffee on her table and watched her warily.

“Care to share what was wrong yesterday?” he asked her and she bit her lower lip and watched him guiltily. “Maybe you should drink your coffee first, you look tired.”

Charles did as told but only because he was really tired. He downed the coffee and then looked at her expectantly. 

Raven squirmed lightly and blushed a bit under his stare. 

“My ex-husband was on my doorstep yesterday,” she finally admitted and Charles didn’t understand at first.

“And? Doesn’t he have visitation rights for Kurt?” he asked.

“No, you don’t understand. He simply vanished three years ago and I hadn’t heard from him since. No explanation, nothing. Only the divorce papers on my table.”

Charles cringed, “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m long over him but you can imagine my surprise when he paid me a visit yesterday.”

“So that’s why you couldn’t come? You talked with him?”

Raven sighed.

“You could say so, yeah. We had a screaming match going on for two hours. Luckily, Kurt wasn’t at home. He’s still with his grandparents.”

“Okay,” Charles sighed. He didn’t know why but he had a bad feeling about this. 

“So what’s the outcome?”

Raven just shrugged.

“He told me everything and nothing at all. I threw him out right before midnight and got drunk spectacularly. I still have to sort things out with him, though. He’s bombarding me with text messages. I’ll have lunch with him tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

“Are you okay with this?”

“Sure, he still owes you some explanations, doesn’t he? And it’s not like you’re going to elope with him,” Charles chuckled nervously and Raven just smirked sadly.

“Of course not. He doesn’t mean anything to me, anymore but it would be nice if Kurt would have his father back,” she mused and Charles didn’t know if he liked the idea of Raven’s ex-husband back in her life. She had been in love with this bloke after all. And if one was an expert in old love it was Charles. But he trusted Raven to do the right thing. He kissed her again and stroked through her hair.

“It’s going to be alright,” he promised her and she smiled shakily. “I know…it’s just a shit start for the New Year.”

They were interrupted by a nurse who knocked and entered the office. “Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Darkhölme, but your patient is here.”

Raven nodded and Charles left her office with the promise of her that she would stop by his apartment when her shift would be over.

~+~

> _January, 31st_
> 
> I really thought that I’m through with this shit. Raven is distant these days. I wish this Az or Zale or whatever his name is would just fuck off to Russia or wherever he did come from. All she does is talking about him. He really thinks that they could go back to what they were a few years ago. My ears are still hurting from the last phone call she had from him. She’s screaming non-stop these days (mostly at him, though). The more aggressive she gets, the more persistent he becomes. He still hasn’t explained to her why he left and where he was. It’s driving her crazy.
> 
> I have long since given up trying to calm her down. This guy (and I haven’t even met him yet) pushed all the right buttons. It’s so obvious that she’s still deeply hurt by his actions. And she’s so emotional like a ticking time bomb. This relationship started out so perfect but I never got to see the bigger picture. 
> 
> ~~I think she still has feelings for him and is lashing out at me because of remorse~~
> 
> It will get better. She just has to sort out the things with that bloke.
> 
> ~~I guess I have to break his nose if I ever get the chance to meet him. He’s ruining my relationship with one of the best human beings I had ever the chance to meet.~~
> 
> Whatever. Raven is in North Salem and hiding at her parents’ home. 
> 
> Now I have to go to Edie. She invited me for coffee and pie. 
> 
> I don’t have to work for 48 hours. Is there any better way to spend the free time with cake and Edie?
> 
> I think not. :)

~+~

“That doesn’t sound so good, dear.”

Edie squeezed his hand and loaded another piece of cake on his plate. He just had poured out his heart in front of her and felt like there had been lifted a huge weight from his shoulders. 

“No, it really doesn’t but I’m not mad at her. She bore with me when I had an unrequited love and some other stuff going on with my life. So I’m just waiting at the sidelines patiently until she has sorted everything out.”

“Oh, darling, but you’re not made for the sidelines. Don’t wait too long. Maybe it isn’t meant to be.”

Charles chose not to answer that and stuffed his mouth full with delicious Black Forest Cake. Edie went to make more coffee and had to switch the lights on. Charles looked outside and frowned at the snowfall outside. He hadn’t heard the weather report today but that didn’t look good. 

He resumed demolishing his cake and faintly could hear the door unlocking. Then the door opening and closing of the front door.

“Mama? Are you there?”

Erik.

Edie shouted from the kitchen and Erik came into view, slightly taken aback when he spotted Charles on the couch. Then he smiled.

“Do you have a crush on my mom?”

Edie, who entered the living room, giggled.

Charles smirked.

“Maybe. She’s like winning the lottery, don’t you know?” he asked him and Erik barked out a laugh.

“Oh, trust me, I know.”

Edie’s cheeks were pink and she ushered Erik to the couch.

“Erik, what are you doing here? And what is all this stuff?” she pointed at the bags Erik had brought which were full of groceries.

“Just making sure that you’re going to be okay. I’m staying with you tonight. There’s the beginning of a blizzard going on outside, didn’t you notice?” he asked them both and Charles tilted his head, looking out of the window again. 

“Huh? Makes sense. Then I better get going.” He got off the couch but a large warm hand closed around his own. 

“Don’t be stupid. I was lucky to get through. They were closing the roads already. There’s no way you can get back to Manhattan.” Erik said and Edie looked at him apologetically. 

“I’m sorry Charles. I had no idea the weather would turn so bad. Of course you can stay here, darling.”

Charles was a bit stressed out because being _snowed in_ with Erik and his mother? 

Erik’s thumb was stroking over his inner wrist and Charles relaxed immediately. 

“Yeah, okay. Thank you for letting me stay.” He sat down again and Edie clapped her hands one time.

“Wonderful! I’m going to get fresh bedding,” she stopped and looked thoughtful for a moment, “ah…but you can’t use the guest room, the room is full of boxes with books and such.” She looked worried and Charles chuckled.

“It’s quite alright. I can sleep on the couch,” he assured her but Edie shook her head vehemently. “You’re doing no such thing. I wouldn’t let my oldest foe sleep on that thing. You’re going to stay in Erik’s room. He still has one here.”

“And where do I sleep?” Erik asked with raised eyebrows.

“Ach, Schatz. You’re bed is big enough for both of you.”

She literally floated out of the room. Charles and Erik could just stare at the place where she stood moments ago.

They were still holding hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not able to write short, quick, funny chapters. So sorry. And my computer is dying slowly. And I don't have any money to replace it....sad story of my life.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles is on the edge. A flashback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. WHAT HAVE I DONE??? You have no idea how far away this chapter is from the idea I had originally. What the hell. I blame [Lovers on the sun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpbjEttizy8) for that. I recommend listening to it at the end of the chapter. You'll know when....
> 
> And thank you sooooo much for the kudos and comments and subscriptions. I'm always so happy when I get to answer to your comments.

Charles had the urge to laugh a bit hysterically. He looked at Erik and tried to see the humor in the situation.

“Well, it’s not as if we hadn’t slept together before. I can imagine your bed is larger than mine. And on the plus side, we won’t have a mighty hangover and rumpled costumes on.” He said with an amused tone but Erik didn’t acknowledge his attempt at small talk. He was looking between them and Charles registered Erik’s thumb was still stroking his hand gently. 

“Oh.” Charles said and wrenched his hand from Erik’s in slight panic. What was happening? He needed to clear his thoughts. Maybe digging his head in the heavy snow outside would help. But it looked entirely too cold outside. Charles slowly skidded to the other side of the sofa to bring a few extra inches between them. Erik just looked at him with a raised eyebrow and said then said,

“I’m going to help my mother. Make yourself at home.” He stood up stiffly and stomped up the stairs. Charles could faintly hear them talking in German. Erik’s voice was loud and impatient, Edie’s was just amused. 

Deciding that ignoring the whole situation would be for the best, Charles scooped up the groceries Erik had bought and brought them in the kitchen. He put the groceries in the refrigerator and the cabinets systematically and was fidgeting with the water kettle for some tea when Edie and Erik came into the kitchen.

“Oh, Charles. You shouldn’t have done that. You’re our special guest tonight,” she exclaimed but Charles only shrugged sheepishly and dug through the cabinets to find decent tea. 

“It’s the least I could do. I have to return your hospitality somehow. How about I’m going to make dinner, too? I’m craving for pasta.”

Edie shook her head. “No, Charles. I should be doing that,” she elbowed her son but Erik just grinned and remained silent. 

Charles tried his best smile which, as Raven would say, made even straight-as-an-arrow-guys swoon and every woman wanting him as their son-in-law.

“No, Edie. I insist.” He ushered them both out of the kitchen and closed the door while Edie was still protesting but smiling warmly at Charles. 

Charles was feeling at ease. He could hear the bickering between Edie and Erik and then the sounds of some silly television show. Chuckling over Erik’s “Oh god, ma. I won’t watch _that_!” he searched for all the ingredients he would need for the pasta and was surprised when he found a docking station for Apple products. Charles fumbled for his phone and moments later the Foo Fighters helped him through cutting onions. 

He could have kissed Raven for making this particular playlist when Beyoncé demanded from him to put a ring on it while he skinned tomatoes. He danced through the kitchen and sang along with every song. 

Fifteen minutes later the sauce was ready and he put the noodles into the boiling water. Shaking his hips along with Shakira, he tidied up the mess he made and was spinning around until he collided with a broad chest. 

“Jesus!” Charles exclaimed and looked up just in time to see Erik laughing silently. “You’ve made me jump alright. Are you laughing at me?”

Erik just grinned and then shrugged. “I’m laughing _with_ you,” he assured Charles and looked to the pots on the stove. “Is it ready yet? I’m starving.”

“Oh? You want to eat my dinner? I was only planning for your mother and myself,” Charles tilted his head thoughtfully and chuckled when Erik looked taken aback for a moment before frowning, “Very funny.”

“I am indeed very funny,” Charles nodded and tested the noodles. “How about you set the table? I think everything is ready.” He expected resistance but Erik walked to the kitchen cabinets without any comments and picked out pasta plates.

~+~

“Oh, Charlies. That was delicious!” Edie beamed at him, “I couldn’t have made it better myself.”

Charles was very pleased with the compliment. “Thanks,” he said and raised his wine glass. She laughed and took her glass, too. They chinked glasses and Charles had to hide his grin when Erik asked if he could have the rest of the pasta because he was hungry and it tasted okay. Before Charles could say that Erik could help himself, Edie slapped the back of Erik’s head. 

“ _Okay?_. This pasta is exquisite and you know it! You would lick out the bowl if you could, I know that look!”

Charles laughed out loud and took the last sip of his wine. “It is fine, Edie,” he said, “Actually this is one of the rare compliments I have ever gotten from your son.”

Edie looked scandalized that her son didn’t compliment Charles as often as he (in her humble opinion) deserved. She looked like she was going to scold Erik again but they were interrupted by Charles’ phone which was ringing back in the kitchen. 

“Huh? I thought the mobile phone network isn’t working anymore. If you would excuse me, please.”

Charles got up and sprinted to the kitchen for his phone. The caller ID said Raven and he picked up quickly.

“Raven! Hi!”

“ _Charles! Where are you? I…I need to talk to you. I’m in front of your apartment complex. It’s ass cold out here, let me in, please. It’s urgent._ ”

“Oh god, I am so sorry Raven. But I’m not at home. I didn’t know you want to come. I’m not even in Manhattan. I was invited by Edie, you see. What’s so urgent? Can’t you tell me via phone? And why are you even outside?”

“ _I wanted to talk to you in person…_ ” there was a crackling sound and Charles looked at his phone. He saw that there was only one bar left and the network would soon break down. Shit.

“Raven. There’s a goddamn blizzard out there. You need to get inside somewhere. Whatever it is, tell me now or later but please get to a hotel or something,” he told her with a worrying voice and it crackled again. Then there was silence and Charles checked two times but he was still connected.

“Raven?” he asked tentatively when he could make out a sobbing sound, “Raven, what is wrong? What happened?” 

“ _I’m so sorry Cha-“ crack, “I like yo-“ crack, “….kissed A-“ crack, “….almost had se…..I like you….bu-“ crack, silence._

Charles could only understand half of Raven’s monologue but he was sure as hell able to complete the sentences. He grabbed his phone so hard his knuckles were white and stared into nothing. He felt like being dumped in icy water.

Crack.

“ _…need to take a break…_ ”

“You’re breaking up with me via phone? Because of your and I quote you ‘Asshole of an ex husband with no heart’ showed up again and you almost fucked him?” Charles spat and didn’t care that his voice was loud enough to be heard in the dining room. 

“ _…’m not br-…up….take….break….clear my head…_ ”

And then. 

And then he could hear her crystal clear. Of fucking course.

“ _I think I still have feelings for him and want you out of the picture so I can’t hurt you while I’m trying to sort this out._ ”

Before he could answer all lights went out and he lost the signal so his phone disconnected the call. It was the only source of light in the dark kitchen and Charles could only stare at it. He had some problems processing Raven’s words and stood there in the dark, realizing that Raven had dumped him. For Charles, taking a break from a relationship was the same as ending a relationship. He doubted that she would come back for him if she still had feelings for this Az(hole, ha!). She seemed to _love_ Az but only _liked_ Charles.

Suddenly a flashlight blinded him and Erik was standing before him. Charles blinked up at him but couldn’t make out his face in the dark since the flashlight was a small one, hanging from Erik’s key chain and burning Charles’ eyes out.

“What the fuck. Put that away from my face!” Charles groaned and closed his eyes.

“Sorry,” Erik said and pointed the flashlight in the direction of the floor.

“The power is out.” Erik stated.

“Yes, I noticed that. Thank you for the clarification, Dr. Lensherr.”

“My mother has the big flashlight and is bringing candles for lighting.”

“Great.”

Both fell silent then and were standing awkwardly in the dark.

All at once the power was back again and they blinked against the dazzling kitchen light. 

Charles turned off his phone and put it on the kitchen counter. Edie came into the kitchen with at least ten big candles in her arms and hands. She looked at Charles with worry in her eyes. So they both had heard everything Charles had said. It wasn’t exactly great to have witnesses when your sorry ass got dumped. 

“I don’t know when the power will be out again. How about you take a long hot bath while we have warm water, Charlie?” she proposed to him softly and Charles nodded. Was there pity in her eyes? Shit. He would do anything to get away from them and the humiliation. 

“Sure. Great idea. I just, uh…” he pointed at the door and ducked his head. 

“I’ll show you everything, sweetheart,” she said to Charles but looked in the direction of Erik who was standing there, looking odd and clenching his fists.

“Erik, could you please find more candles? And all of my blankets. It’s going to be a bit rough tonight, I think.”

She then steered Charles upstairs and into a beautiful bathroom. The whole room gave the impression as if it only consisted of the bathtub which was huge. Edie fumbled with the tap and soon wonderful hot steaming water was filling the enormous tub. Charles was just standing there, watching Edie pick out a fluffy looking towel from the cabinet and lighting some scented candles and remembered his manners after a while.

“I…is it okay to use this? What if I’m wasting all the water and then the power goes out again and…shouldn’t you and Erik use the hot water first?” he asked anxiously her and bit his lip. Edie smiled and stroked through his hair. 

“Nonsense. You’re in desperate need of some relaxation my boy. You would have showered anyway. So why don’t use the tub? I rarely use it, so…” she trailed off and then sighed.

“Charles, I’m sorry.”

Charles winced and held up his hand.

“Edie, just..don’t…okay? Not now….I’m sorry, but….” It was so embarrassing, he wanted to crawl in a hole and never come back. Now even Edie knew that Charles was the most unwanted person on the planet. You couldn’t be very desirable when one of the nicest human beings ever known went back to some asshole husband who had treated them like shit.

Edie sighed again and patted his cheek. 

“I’m leaving now, honey. Take your time. Erik and I will prepare the house for another power loss.” She said and walked out of the room, closing the door silently. 

Charles locked the door immediately and watched the water filling the tub. Shuffling through the bubble bath bottles he realized that everything here was lavender scented. He loved lavender but didn’t have lavender scented stuff because it seemed, well….gay. Charles chuckled at his stupid thought and poured a great amount of the liquid into the hot water. 

Soon he changed the tap to cold and got rid of his clothes. Checking the water for the right temperature he finally turned off the tap and sank in slightly too hot water. He didn’t stop when the water reached his hair just dived further until his head was under the surface and rested on the bottom of the tub. Holding his breath and listening to the rush of his blood with closed eyes was oddly soothing. He didn’t even think about the whole mess.

Charles didn’t know how long he had been under water but when he eventually emerged, his head was spinning and tiny white dots were blocking his vision. Huh. He had been longer under water than he had thought. 

As soon as he was breathing normally again, all the thoughts came crashing back and he was tempted to dive again. Trying not to think of Raven and their ~~break-up~~ break he washed his hair, scrubbing a little violently and stopped mid-process when he heard the door bell. Some murmured voices, then slightly louder Erik’s and Edie’s. After a minute the front door was opening and closing. Then silence. And then a very loud _fuck_ from Erik.

He could hear Erik stomping upstairs and walking by the bathroom into another room. Since Erik seemed to be his usual angry self now everything was normal. Charles continued bathing until his fingertips were shriveled. 

Hot steam was filling the whole room when Charles stood up and dried himself with the towel. He wiped the steamed over mirror with one hand and stared at his reflection for a very long time. He took in his pink skin, the longer hair which now smelled like lavender and the beard. What the hell. The _beard_. Raven had said he had to try it out. Maybe it suited him, she had said. 

Raven.

He wondered if her ex-husband had a beard, too. She had said that she liked beards.

Charles scoffed. And then felt on the edge, close to a panic attack. He needed to get rid of this. Now. He rummaged through the cabinets until he found a pack of disposable razors and shaving cream and got to work. With every stroke of the razor his heart felt lighter. When he was finished and looking into his clean-shaven face he almost could smile again. 

Seriously, fuck it. 

Fucking _break_.

He dressed hurriedly, hung up the towel and left the bathroom. Running downstairs he breezed past Erik who was sitting on the couch, brooding, and into the kitchen.

Grabbing his phone and turning it on again his heart stung when there was no message or voice mail from Raven. He didn’t need this whole shit again.

Fucking women.

His signal was weak and wouldn’t hold for a call. That’s why he wrote a text message.

_Taking a break from the relationship? I don’t think so. I really liked our friendship so I won’t write what’s really going through my head. This is not taking a break but a break-up. Do you understand me? I won’t wait in the sidelines just because you can’t make up your mind. I’ve got a right to be happy, too. Please believe me when I’m saying that I wish you the best. And I would be sad if our friendship would end now. But I don’t want to talk to you for a while. And if I hear one whiny sound about your husband I won’t hold your hand and I won’t acknowledge it. You’ve got other friends. I hope you understand._

Hitting send he felt almost good and in an afterthought:

_I’m so tired of waiting._

Because he didn’t want to know her reaction, if she were to answer at all, he turned his phone off again and pocketed it. Feeling strangely content he then walked to Erik who was still sitting on the couch. 

“Where’s your mom? Was someone at the door?” he asked him and took a place beside Erik. Erik looked at him with a frown and hunched his shoulders. 

“Out,” he said. “Down the street lives a young German family with an infant. They’re friends with my mother. The boy has some health problem and they need her help. She _spontaneously_ offered to sleep there, too with the blizzard and the ill child and what not…” 

Erik grinded his teeth and then smiled without humor. “Of course they were gladly taking the offer.”

Charles was speechless for a moment.

“So…,” he said slowly. “We’re all alone. But it’s nice of her to help them.”

Erik barked a laugh. “Yes. She is so suave. Kindest woman in the world,” he said sarcastically and Charles grinned. 

They were silent for a moment.

“Are you alright?” Erik asked suddenly and Charles looked at him in wonder. Was Erik seriously worried about him? Or did he just pity him? He looked at the occasional table at his left and discovered a framed photo. It showed Edie and Erik on the day of Erik’s graduation in Eton. 

He smiled a bit grimly and didn’t look up from the photo. 

“Oh. I am. You know I can get over every kind of rejection. I’ve been rejected my whole life. Especially you have to know that.”

Erik followed his gaze and grunted when he saw the photo.

~+~

__

_It was the day of their graduation and Charles was nervously clutching his diploma between slightly shaking hands. He was standing under a big oak tree and watching Erik talking happily to his mother. He only ever seemed to smile when he was talking to his mother. This would be his last chance telling Erik. He would never see him again. They all were promising graduates and they would scatter all over the world proving their worth._

_Charles was alone. His parents hadn’t bothered to come here. They were disappointed that he wasn’t the number one graduate. They even hadn’t invited him back home (not that he would have gone). Neither had they congratulated him for his (still) superb graduation. His father just had stocked up Charles’ bank account with more money (so, so much. Charles couldn’t believe it) for his whole Oxford education. But that wasn’t the point now. The point was Erik._

_It’s always been Erik._

_Charles took a deep breath and slowly walked to the proud mother and her son. Edie noticed him at first and hugged him tightly._

_“Oh, Charlie! My boy, thank you for always helping Erik out and of course congratulations!” she kissed both of his cheeks and beamed at him. Charles smiled, “Thank you, Mrs. Lensherr. It was my pleasure helping him out. He’s brilliant.”_

_Edie smiled even wider and Charles blushed then looked up at Erik who was watching him with a curious expression. Charles cleared his throat and tried to smile confidently at him. “I..uh…was wondering if…uh…I could talk to you for a minute,” Charles said to him. Before Erik could say anything, Edie laughed and said, “Of course you can. I’m sure you have a lot to say to each other.” Erik looked at his mother sharply but she just smiled sweetly and patted his shoulder. “I’m just going to your English teacher over there, thanking her and all that.” Edie walked away and Erik let out a deep sigh as if he had to carry the weight of the whole world on his shoulders. Then he looked at Charles and said gruffly, “What do you want?”_

_Charles bit his lower lip and then touched his elbow, steering him towards the old oak tree where he had been standing before. There was no need that other people could hear what he had to say._

_When they reached the tree, Erik was leaning against the trunk casually and watched Charles with crossed arms. He raised an eyebrow when Charles just stared at him for a whole minute, not saying anything. But Charles intended to memorize everything about Erik._

_When Erik started to tap with his foot impatiently Charles snapped out of his haze and smiled shyly._

_Out with it. No backtracking._

_“I uh…just wanted to say that. You know…uhm…since we won’t see each other again,” Erik’s second brow rose up when he said that, “I…I love you. I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you.”_

_There. It was easier than expected. Now he was content again and could start a new chapter of his life._

_“I know that.” Erik suddenly said matter-of-factly and Charles accidently choked on his own spit. Oh….had it been so obvious? Well…._

_“Um…Okay….well….why didn’t you say anything?”_

_We could…_

_We could have…._

_“Why did you say we won’t see each other again?” Erik suddenly changed the topic. “You’re going to Harvard. Am I not right?”_

_Huh? He had never talked with Erik about his future. Since Erik had ignored him most of the time of their last term. So he just stared at Erik questioningly. Erik looked embarrassed. (!)_

_“I uh…I’ve seen the envelope on your table. It was a big one from Harvard, wasn’t it?”_

_Erik had seen that? Had taken interest in that? Okay…but it didn’t matter, now._

_“Oh, yes. I got into Harvard but you see, I only applied because my father told me so. He’s an alumni of the Harvard Medical School. He wants me to get my medical education there but uh…I didn’t want that. I’m going to Oxford, actually. Had a big fight with him about it but in the end he agreed to pay my education there. I uh….want to go my own path….”_

_Erik’s whole face fell. But only for a second. And then…._

_Then he sneered and stroked his cheek with a mocking glare._

_“So, back to the topic. You love me, huh? That’s pathetic.”_

_Charles thought that his heart stopped beating. Erik spread his arms. “Everyone here is in love with me. But you know how it goes. I mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger. I can do so much better than every one of you. “_

_Charles clenched his hands to fists when his hands started to shake._

_“I know that,” he answered unhappy, “I just wanted you to know. It was for me, to be..”_

_Erik interrupted him,_

_“I would never choose you, Charlotte. Even if you were the last human on earth. I’d rather die alone. I don’t even like you. You’re too girly and so fucking egoistic!” The last word was shouted out and Charles could only gape at him._

_Then fury started to run through his veins._

_“What the hell?” he hissed, “Egoistic? Are you insane? I am certainly not egoistic. I think you’re mistaking me for you.”_

_“Oh. I am the egoistic? Tell me, Charles. What about all the boys and girls you fucked, huh? Half of the school and the girls outside the school were mooning over you. You fucked them all, didn’t you? You smile at them with your stupid mouth and blue eyes and they’re all swooning and already half in love with you. Then you’re fucking them and they are madly in love and then you leave.”_

_Erik sounded bitter. And Charles was asking himself if he was in some kind of strange parallel universe. Because…what the what?_

_“You always leave.”_

_“That’s not true. It’s…I…” Charles had to admit that he had trouble finding the right words because…well…Charles wasn’t a saint. Especially during the last two years. He hated it to be alone and it was fucking exhausting seeing the person you’re madly in love with and knowing that you could never have them. So he charmed his way into other people’s pants just to feel something else than this sick love for Erik._

_Oh, the irony._

_“I never intended for them to fall in love with me. That’s not my fault if they all didn’t know what ‘no strings attached’ means!”_

_Erik laughed without humor._

_“They’re always falling in love with you,” he said and then turned away. “But not me. I could never love you, Charlotte. You disgust me.”_

_And with that he went to his mother leaving Charles alone under the tree. Before Charles could wrap his mind around what just had happened, he had lost sight of him._

_He had just wanted to make a proper good-bye. To confess. To have his heart as a whole again. Say good-bye to his first love._

_But now he had to start the new chapter of his life with a broken heart which wouldn’t heal for a long, long time._

_Years later his father mentioned an extraordinary student named Erik Lensherr during a phone call with Charles. A friend of his father was teaching at the Harvard Medicine School and predicted this young man would become the best surgeon in the world._

__

~+~

Charles shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that particular memory any more. He sighed heavily and looked at Erik who in turn was watching him. Did he look at him the whole time? 

“Maybe you should shower or take a bath, too. You never know when the power will fail again,” he reminded Erik and stood up. “Could you show me the room where I ought to sleep in? You’re staying in your mother’s room?!” he asked at the end. Since Edie wouldn’t be here for the night Erik would surely sleep in her bed.

Erik laughed. “I’m not sleeping in my mother’s bed. What am I? Five? No, no. We’re staying in mine.”

He motioned Charles to follow him and they went upstairs again. The room was at the end of the hallway and really small. Charles almost immediately bumped in the bed which was filling the whole room. 

“Wow, it’s big.” Charles commented and sat down. “How about I bring the candles up here during your shower?”

Erik just shrugged. “You want me in the shower so badly?” he asked Charles with a cocky grin but left anyway. Charles waited until he could hear the shower and then made his way downstairs again to collect some candles.

How romantic, he laughed internally. During setting up the candles in the bedroom his thoughts inevitably returned to Raven. He didn’t want to but….

She loved candles. They had had a few romantic dinners at Charles’ home during their brief time together. Charles had thought she was perfect. But he was nothing more than a distraction. _Again_. His grip around one candle tightened and the heat of his palm distorted the candle slowly. He really didn’t want to think bad of her, but…

_Rejected._

_Thrown away._

Why was he so incapable of keeping a beloved? He wouldn’t consider himself a bad guy. When he was in a relationship he tried to be sweet and understanding. And the sex couldn’t be that bad, he thought. He tried to give everything he had. Physically and emotionally.

_Wait a minute._

Charles tried to think back at every (attempted) relationship he’d been in. He couldn’t deny that he had a little bit of trust issues. Even before Catherine. But he always had tried to be attentive and nice. It was seldom that he had raised his voice or participated in a fight. (He preferred going away instead. Shouting was lowbrow.) 

But why? Why hadn’t he been able to give another person everything? To trust other people 100 percent and give them their whole heart? His parents couldn’t be the only ones to blame for that. Trust issues, okay, but…

He hadn’t felt this wonderful feeling, the swelling of the heart, the butterflies in his stomach, for a long time. 

Charles suddenly realized that he had been emotionally stunted for many, many years. And there was no way that his partners didn’t notice that particular trait of his personality. 

Stunned, Charles let the candle fall and stared into the snow storm outside. 

He hadn’t been able to love whole heartedly since...

Since…

“Oh fuck me,” Charles exclaimed.

He startled when there came a drawl from the door.

“My, my. Be careful what you wish for.”

Charles turned around and there he was. The reason why Charles love life had been crappy since he had been 13 years old.

Erik was standing there with a lazy grin on his stupid face; his wet hair slicked back, a towel around his neck and pajama pants hanging low on narrow hips. The lights flickered but the power didn’t go out. 

Charles was furious.

“You.” He hissed and Erik’s grin vanished. His relaxed posture stiffened and he frowned at Charles as if to say: ‘What did I do, now?’

Charles was standing in front of Erik after two steps and leaned right into Erik’s personal space. 

“It always comes down to you. You’re the beginning.” Charles said and watched Erik’s Adam’s apple move when the other man swallowed. Erik’s clean scent hit Charles unexpectedly and he hooked his fingers into Erik’s pants. He didn’t know what to do. He was so furious but standing right in front of a half naked Erik aroused him to no end, too. He leaned his forehead against Erik’s naked shoulder and was gripping the material of the pajama pants tighter. 

“But you’re also the end.”Charles whispered and closed his eyes.

What should he do?

Everything came back to Erik. Every time. It seemed that Charles was orbiting around Erik his whole life with no chance of escaping.

He wished…

He wished he would never have met Erik.

Erik didn’t say a word. His hand came up to touch Charles’ cheek lightly. 

And something in Charles snapped.

Later, Charles would write into his diary:

>   
>  How can something so wonderful be so destructive? 

He opened his eyes, looked up and felt himself going ice cold inside when he saw tenderness in Erik’s eyes.

He just couldn’t….

Charles moved his hands and cupped Erik through the material of his pants. He realized that Erik was half hard and his throat went dry.

Dear lord, why?

“Bed. Now.”

Charles rage hadn’t receded one bit. He was confused, angry and turned on. And he just didn’t know what to do. So he let his instincts lead him. 

Unsurprisingly, Erik walked to the bed, taking Charles with him. He pushed Charles onto the bed and crawled on top of him. But Charles suddenly couldn’t breathe. Erik was too overwhelming. What was happening? Why was it happening now? Erik lowered his head, no doubt wanting to kiss him and Charles panicked. This was _Erik_ , for fuck’s sake. 

Charles stopped Erik’s movement with a hand on Erik’s mouth.

“You don’t get to kiss me, asshole. You certainly don’t deserve that. And if I hear one word from you, I will kick you so hard in the nuts; you’ll never be able to have children.”

He didn’t wait for some kind of answer of Erik, just moved quickly so that Erik was now on his back and Charles on top of him. Charles felt an energy thrumming through him he hadn’t felt for a long time. He wanted to touch, kiss, lick, bite….

He ripped Erik’s pants of unceremoniously and drank in the view of the naked man beneath him. The broad shoulders, pink nipples, the muscles, soft hair trailing down his body. The sight of Erik was mouthwatering. Erik was fully hard now and Charles wanted everything. He cupped the wonderfully shaped cock with his hand and shivered when he heard Erik’s sharp intake of breath.

“Oh, yeah. You like that, don’t you?” Charles looked up into Erik’s eyes and had to bite back a moan when he could see the disclosed desire there.

“Don’t you dare ….You’re going to shut up.” Charles warned him again and then dropped his head and swallowed Erik whole. Now Erik was moaning loudly but he didn’t say anything per se, so Charles let it slide. He tried to relax his throat and was reminded that he hadn’t done this in a long time. He started to choke and tears were building up behind his closed eyelids but the salty bitter taste of Erik was too delicious. When his throat couldn’t stand it anymore, Charles let go and worked with his fingers and tongue instead. He licked the underside of Erik’s cock, trailing a vein, stroking the head with his thumb and was delighted by the drop of precum which he promptly licked away. 

After a while he took Erik in his mouth again more cautiously, sucking eagerly.

Erik was moaning nonstop now. His body was glistening with sweat and every now and then he tried to lift his hips and fuck into Charles’ mouth but Charles kept him firmly in place with his hands. When Charles could see that Erik was arching his back slightly and could feel the muscles tense beneath his fingers he stopped completely and ignored Erik’s noise of protest. 

“As if I would let you come, asshole.” Charles murmured and tried to get rid of his clothes as fast as he could. He was painfully hard now and felt so hot, it was almost unbearable. He was taking a condom out of his wallet before he tossed the pants away and searched the room for something, something…

Ha!

He leaned over Erik and picked up the hand cream standing there. He couldn’t find a better alternative in his hurry. Charles coated his fingers with the cream and bit his lip hard when he pushed one finger into himself. Shit fuck. Another thing he hadn’t done for some time. He couldn’t hold back his own moans now and it was by pure coincidence that he saw Erik’s fingers twitch. 

“Oh, you want to do it…” Charles said and looked at Erik who was clenching his jaw hard. Charles let a second finger join the first and hissed. His muscles groaned because of the awkward angle of his body. “Pity. I can’t allow that. I don’t want you touching me. And why would you want to do that, huh? I thought ‘Charlotte’ disgusts you to no end.” Charles gritted out and pushed his fingers in and out in a steady rhythm, preparing himself. 

Erik opened his mouth to say something but Charles interrupted him with a hissing, “Shut the fuck up.” And then he moaned loudly when he finally brushed his prostate with his fingertips and could relax a bit more. 

Oh god, he was burning up. He couldn’t stand it anymore. 

Now.

_Now._

Charles removed his fingers and then ripped the condom package open, fished the condom out and rolled it over Erik’s leaking cock. A great amount of the cream followed and Charles noticed Erik’s hands holding the bed sheets, knuckles white. He smiled to himself. Erik wanted this. So bad. But he stuck to Charles’ rules. 

Impressive.

Charles positioned himself above Erik. When the tip pressed into him, he unintentionally held his breath and tried to relax. He sank further down and it burned slightly. Erik was more than Charles’ fingers could ever be. But the burning sensation was more than welcome. It took his mind from the constant _Erik, Erik, Erik, fuck, Erik_ in his head. A short time later Erik was buried deep in him and they were both breathing heavily. 

Charles looked down between them. He couldn’t look Erik in the eyes. He just couldn’t. He felt so vulnerable all of the sudden. It happened. It finally happened. Charles had no idea how. And they weren’t even in a relationship. They would never be. Because Erik had ruined him. Charles would never be able to love properly. Never. Erik was the beginning and the end. It was a vicious cycle.

Not wanting to think about this anymore, Charles started to move his hips and was feeling hot all over again when Erik started groaning and moaning and let out the most delicious sounds. Charles threw his head back and closed his eyes again. He just wanted to hear, to feel. 

God, it was so good. He was rocking up and down, slowly losing himself. He only was interrupted by large hands which were suddenly on his hips, gripping hard into the flesh. Charles had to stop abruptly and opened his eyes. He swatted at Erik’s hands and tried to pry them off. 

“What the fuck? I said no touching.” Charles squirmed. “Get your fucking hands off me. I said no. You don’t get to touch. You had your fucking chance ten fucking years ago. I forbid it. Fuck.”

Erik, whose eyes had been closed, opened them quickly and the grip around Charles hips started to hurt. Charles gasped and tried to loosen Erik’s grip. “I mean it. Get the fuck off! You don’t get to say anything here. I hate you, you dick. I fucking hate you…,” Charles croaked, his voice vanishing. 

“Why do you hate me so much? Just…let me do…,” Charles almost sobbed. He should just shut up. What was he even doing here?

They both had stilled. Charles couldn’t meet Erik’s gaze.

Silence.

And then…

“Shut up,” Erik suddenly hissed. He moved so fast, Charles couldn’t react. The position had changed at once and Charles was trapped beneath Erik. Erik watched him intently and then gripped his head, forcing him to meet his eyes.

“Look at me.”

Charles looked. Erik’s expression was unreadable but he seemed to search for something in Charles face. 

Then Erik let out a small gasp and kissed him.

If Charles had been standing he would have been knocked off his feet. 

Because _fuck_.

Erik tasted like peppermint and warmth and a sunny beach and…

Charles bit Erik’s tongue and when the other man jerked back Charles slapped him. Hard.

“Don’t you dare fucking kiss me, you insufferable selfish prick!” The rage was there again. A burning, low in his belly. He wanted to slap again but Erik grabbed his wrist and pressed hard. Charles cried out in pain and then Erik’s mouth was on him again. Roughly, Erik’s tongue was plundering his mouth again, claiming him.

Charles couldn’t breathe, tried to squirm away. But Erik was having none of that. He started moving again. Hard. Deep. Charles met him with his hips automatically. Erik brushed his prostate and Charles was seeing stars.

And Erik wouldn’t stop kissing him. Again, again, again. Their lips were red and swollen and saliva was all over Charles chin. Erik’s rhythm was almost brutal and Charles was staring at the ceiling with glassy eyes, moaning like a dirty slut.

He couldn’t speak anymore, couldn’t think. His whole body and mind only knew one word.

Erik. _Erik. ERIK._

And Charles resistance shattered. His heart overflowed. Feelings he had buried long time ago broke free and Charles returned every kiss, met every thrust and was holding Erik’s head in place to kiss him senseless. 

Erik made a broken noise and buried his head in the crook of Charles’ neck. His movements became unsteady.

“Charles. Charles. Charles.”

He was biting Charles’ neck, murmuring his name again and again and again.

Charles felt so hot. The burning became unbearable. He needed release.

Charles sobbed when Erik touched his cock, pumping it.

One stroke. Two. Three.

And Charles broke in pieces.

Erik jerked violently and then moaned with pleasure into Charles’ ear, whispering his name.

The power went out again. It was pitch-black in the room and outside of the house.

Erik pressed Charles into the mattress, not moving.

They lay there for an eternity, just listening to their breathing. 

Charles didn’t know how much time went by. Five minutes? One hour? A day? He enjoyed having Erik on him, in him, breathing slowly.

But then Erik pulled out carefully and left the room with the small flashlight. Charles could hear him rummaging in the bathroom and blindly crawled under the blankets. He was dozing off, feeling the pleasant ache in his whole body. 

He was awake again when Erik returned and deposited a few blankets on top of the bed. It would be a cold night without power. When he was finished laying out the blankets, he joined Charles under the blankets. He was still naked; Charles could feel his body heat radiating. Charles stared through the darkness and didn’t know what to do. He was shivering despite the blankets. Neither of them said anything. 

And then Erik sighed, reached for him and pressed Charles against his chest.

Charles inhaled deeply and closed his eyes again, listening to the steady thump of Erik’s heart.

He was asleep within seconds.

~+~

Much, much later he would write into his diary:

> Why does it have to hurt so much? 
> 
> I think I’m finally broken. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek.  
> I still can't believe what I've written. But it was in my mind suddenly and stayed there. Nevertheless, I hope you liked it a bit. Please let me know what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of activity is going on. And also...talking. Well, not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. You're all crazy. So much kudos!!! I couldn't believe it when there was a mail every day, telling me, some people liked this story...This is insane. I'm so happy. You're all making me so happy with the kudos, comments and subscriptions! I'm sorry that I couldn't answer some comments during the last days but I was too busy. That's why this chapter is rather short. But I didn't want to let you wait any longer.
> 
> As you might have noticed I had to add some chapters. I realized that I couldn't possibly be finished in only 11 chapters.
> 
>  
> 
> I love you all!

Charles woke to the sound of a snow plow truck. It was still dark outside when he opened his eyes and for a moment he was disoriented. Blinking through the darkness he realized two things. One: it was warm and the lights in the hallway were switched on. Two: There was someone breathing in his neck. Charles stiffened and then he remembered it. The night. Every little detail. Raven. Erik. Sex. 

Oh god...

It was Erik behind him.

_Erik!_

He was snuggled close and had his arms wrapped around Charles' torso. When Charles tried to wriggle out of his grip, Erik mumbled something, pressed Charles even closer and kissed his neck. Charles immediately relaxed. Still tired, he closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly.

~+~

Some hours later he woke up, again. This time it was due to the sounds of the shower in the other room. Erik wasn't next to him anymore. Charles tried to blink the sleep out of his eyes and then stretched his limbs out. He felt the pleasant ache humming through his body and smiled softly. It had been ages since he'd gotten laid in such a superb way. The anger he had felt yesterday had been washed away and Charles felt content. Erik had wanted him. He had fucked his anger out of Charles and even had kissed his lips again, again and again.

The smiled widened and he rolled out of the bed. A glance through the window told him that it was still snowing heavy and there was a thick layer of snow on the street as if the snow plow truck never had been there. Thankfully his shift would start not until tomorrow morning. Sighing happily he searched for his shorts, put them on and made his way to the bathroom downstairs to use the toilet. The heating was working and it was pleasantly warm in the whole house. Edie still wasn't home. 

When Charles was finished and washed his hands, the shower in the bathroom upstairs was still running. He thought about the night again and suddenly didn't know what to do. Getting dressed and leave? Staying naked and wait for Erik? Getting dressed and make breakfast? 

In the end, Charles didn't do anything of that.

He went back upstairs and opened the door to the bathroom, Erik was currently in. Erik was standing with the back to him and Charles could make out his silhouette through the steam. Erik hadn't heard him coming. Charles cleared his throat. Erik stopped washing his hair and turned. 

“Do you mind? I need to brush my teeth,” Charles said and tried to make out Erik's face. Erik said nothing but nodded. Charles smiled at him and used the spare brush he had used yesterday. Erik resumed washing his hair but didn’t turn around again. Charles could see his reflection in the mirror watching him. A pool of heat was forming in his lower body when their eyes met in the mirror but neither of them looked away. 

 

When Charles was finished he was so turned on (only by Erik’s stare, what the hell!) that he stepped out of his shorts without a word and joined Erik in the shower. He didn't even have time for closing the shower door properly. Erik pinned him at the wall in an instant and gave him a bruising kiss. Charles sighed into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Erik, pressing closer. 

He was desired by Erik. _Still_.

After what felt like hours, they had to break apart for some air and Charles moaned loudly when Erik dropped to his knees and licked his lips. Erik looked up for a moment, eyes hungry and then smirked.

“Fuck,” Charles breathed.

Erik sucked him in and Charles was lost.

 

~+~

 

He sipped the perfect Earl Grey and couldn’t help but watch Erik over the top of his cup. He watched the long delicate fingers gripping the coffee cup, the Adam’s apple bobbing when he swallowed. The soft lines around his eyes. The damp hair, slightly curling in the neck. God, he was utterly delicious. 

When their gazes met, Charles cleared his throat and gulped down the still too hot tea. It burned his throat and Charles winced. Ouch.

“Why are you looking at me like that? You want another round?” Erik asked cockily. Charles snorted. “I doubt, you can manage that,” he said in a sing-song tone. After a blowjob from Erik and a thanking hand job from Charles, Erik had tackled him onto the bed when Charles was trying to put on his clothes and they had had a lazy fuck which had been totally different from the night but equally satisfying. Charles grinned at the memory and took a bite of the pancake he had managed to make. They weren’t too bad. Even Erik had eaten two of them without complaining.

“Oh, you think I can’t manage fucking you against the kitchen counter?” Erik asked and made a show of standing up and moving his hips in an unmistakable way. He took Charles hand, forcing him to stand up, too, and pressed Charles against his body. Charles was still chewing and looked up at Erik thoughtfully. Erik’s fingers were tracing small patterns at Charles’ hip and he planted small kisses on his neck. Charles’ eyes fluttered shut and he smiled.

“I see, you can manage that,” he almost whispered and leaned against him, “but I’m afraid I have to decline.” He chuckled, “Everything hurts. I haven’t had _this_ particular kind of activity in a long time.”

The grip at his hip tightened and Charles was being kissed again. 

Hell, Charles loved Erik’s kisses. Erik kissed straight forward and down-the-line. It made Charles’ knees weak and his lips addicted. 

They were standing there for ages, just kissing each other senseless. Within minutes the kisses became more demanding and Erik had Charles pinned between him and the kitchen counter. Gasping in each other’s mouths they fumbled with their pants.

_THUD._

 

They startled and Charles bit into Erik’s tongue. Erik yelped and let go of Charles. Charles looked in the direction where the sound had been coming from and noticed a circle of snow. Eventually they could hear laughter of children who were having a snowball fight on the impassable street outside. One snowball must have hit the kitchen window. 

Charles chuckled. 

“I guess we’re not the only ones having the time of our lives,” he said and looked at Erik, who was still moving his tongue around in his mouth, a painful expression on his face.

“Sorry about that,” Charles said and walked over to Erik, bluntly shoving his hands in Erik’s pants. A sharp intake of breath from Erik was all Charles needed and he dropped on his knees, pushing Erik’s pants with him. But he couldn’t do anything else than leaning forward and lick his lips because suddenly the lock in the front door turned and,

“I’m back! Are you still asleep, my precious boys?”

“Fucking hell,” Erik swore and Charles helped him hastily pulling up his pants. They quickly scrambled for the chairs and tried to look like they had been eating breakfast the whole time when a rosy faced Edie entered the kitchen, smiling.

“Good morning, sweethearts. The weather is so lovely. You should go outside and take a walk. Oh the scenery. I just had a new idea for a book. ‘Hot nights in a cold winter’. What do you think?” she asked them and helped herself with coffee. Then she looked at the stove, “Oh, pancakes. How lovely,” and then finally looked at them both, raising the cup to her lips. She stopped midway, staring at her son. Erik shifted uncomfortably. “What?” he snapped after a minute and Edie grinned.

“Nothing,” she said and before she could turn to Charles and investigate _his_ look, Charles stood up and hurriedly prepared a plate for her. 

“Thank you, my dear,” Edie was still grinning when Charles put the plate in front of her. He really didn’t like the look on her face. 

“Uhm…do you happen to know if the public transportation is working yet?” he asked her and looked everywhere but her. His gaze met Erik’s and the small quirk of Erik’s lips did something warm and fuzzy inside of him. He knew that feeling. He had ignored it for a decade. And now it was back at full force. 

Charles was falling hard.

_Again._

Oh god.

 

“Yes, the subway is working properly, I think. Are you going to leave us so soon, Charlie?” Edie asked with a hint of sadness and Charles tried to look apologetic. “Yes, I’m sorry, Edie. I need to go home and maybe phone my father. I guess they could need a few more doctors now. The blizzard was pretty bad.”

And he needed to sort out his thoughts and feelings. Sure, the last 12 hours had been one of the best in his life but distance would be welcome to clear his thoughts. 

Now Edie smiled softly.

“You’re such a sweet young man. That’s a wonderful idea,” she said and gave his hand a quick squeeze. Charles couldn’t help but smile back and then excused himself to gather his things. 

Fully dressed and with combed hair, he returned to the kitchen to collect his mobile and seemed to have interrupted an argument between mother and son. Huh. Edie was muttering in German, staring into her coffee cup and Erik looked like he had bitten into a lemon.

Charles turned on his mobile, saw that he had five voice mails. Four from Raven and one from his mother. Ugh…

 

Since neither of the Lensherr family seemed in the mood to talk Charles pressed a button and listened to the message his mother had left. Sharon wanted to know if everything was alright with him. Boston only had heavy snow fall, nothing more. The power only had gone out in New York City, it seemed. 

Charles was surprised again. His mother’s boyfriend was really good for her. She almost behaved like a worried mother. Charles smiled a bit and ignored Ravens voice mails for now. He pocketed his phone and looked at Erik and Edie. “I’m going now. Thank you for letting me stay, Edie,” he said and kissed her cheek. He turned to Erik, “Uh…,” suddenly he was lost for words. What was there to say? ‘Thank you for the great fuck(s)’ or ‘Will you be mine?’

Panicked, Charles just gave an awkward wave and was out in the cold in an instant. Dodging some snow balls he made his way to the subway station and when he entered the station he realized that ‘properly’ was stretching the truth a little bit. It was chaotic and there was no indication for when the next train would arrive since the destination boards weren’t working. 

Charles searched for a spot behind the crowd and finally listened to the other voice mails.

He felt bad when he heard that the first two messages consisted of sobs and broken hearted sounds between some sorry words. The third was a ‘Charles, I….I hope we can stay friends. I love you but I also love him, he’s the father of my child, don’t you understand?’ and the last message was a ‘ _silence_ fuck!’ and then nothing.

Charles really hoped he wouldn’t meet Raven again for at least a week. Maybe then they both had cooled their heads and could have a decent conversation. 

He startled violently when someone whispered into his ear, “So. What’s the situation between you two? You’ve broken up for real? Am I the sexy rebound guy?”

 

“Erik! What the hell?” Charles said after an awkward squealing sound and Erik was grinning down at him, standing there nonchalantly with a messenger bag. “What are you doing here?”

Erik shrugged, “Driving home, what do you think?” he asked and Charles stared at him with a dumbfound expression. “Really? Where do you live?” he asked.

“West Village.”

“Ohhh. It’s nice there!”

“Yup.”

Silence.

Charles fumbled with the collar of his coat and cleared his throat awkwardly. After a few minutes he eventually had the guts to say something else.

“You’re not a rebound guy,” he said softly. “I…I thought Raven and I had a relationship but apparently it just was a ‘thing’ or a ‘fling’. I don’t know how the youth nowadays calls it,” he laughed a little. Erik watched him with a careful expression and Charles heart swelled at the softness of his eyes. It bolstered him up for the next words.

“I know that I wasn’t the nicest guy at the beginning of yesterday nights.” Charles said.

 

“But the night was so wonderful. And the morning and….,” he took a deep breath, “I have to say I have waited a long, long time for this to happen.”

There. He had said it. And it wasn’t so hard.

Erik’s smile made his knees weak and he leaned against the wall so it could support him. 

“Do you regret it?” Erik asked softly.

A train was approaching and in the sudden movement of people who were boxing their way to the train, Charles took Erik’s face between his hands and kissed him tenderly. 

“Of course not,” he answered.

Erik laughed, grabbed his hand and fought his way through the mass. He even found two seats for them. 

They were sitting close together the whole train ride, not saying anything but smiling nonetheless.

When Erik didn’t get out at his stop, Charles took his hand and squeezed gently. They were still holding hands when they got off the train and walked to Charles’ apartment complex. 

As soon as the door to Charles’ apartment was closed, they kissed and ripped each other’s clothes of.

So much for clearing his head.

Charles forgot to call his father but to be fair, Erik could be _very_ distracting.

~+~

_beep beep beep beeeeep_

 

Groaning, Charles reached for his alarm clock to turn the alarm off. After three attempts he finally managed it and sat up slowly. Still sleepy he rubbed his eyes and yawned loudly. Everything in his body ached when he wanted to stand up and he flopped back into the cushions without much grace. He looked to the side and smiled happily. Erik was fast asleep. Charles wondered how he managed to get up every day when he couldn’t be bothered by an alarm clock.

Since Charles didn’t know if Erik had the same shift he let him sleep (Erik sure would know when to wake up) and made his way to the bathroom slowly. He hoped he would survive the day without much sitting. A look in the mirror showed him that he looked exactly like he was feeling. Thoroughly fucked. His lips were still a little bit swollen and his body was full of light bruises and hickeys. Sighing, Charles looked away from his reflection and grabbed his tooth brush.

The hot shower afterwards was heavenly and loosened some knots in his strained back. 

He really needed to work out or he couldn’t keep up with Erik. He just knew that Erik would be fresh and peachy when he would wake because sex marathons and bending other people like pretzels were nothing to him. Easiest things in the world.

 

Charles snorted, shaking his head. He was feeling so awesome and strangely giddy. It was one of the best feelings in the world. 

He was finished with showering roughly fifteen minutes later, toweled himself dry and went back to the bedroom stark naked. 

Erik was awake and tapping away on his phone. He glanced at Charles and smirked when he noticed the nakedness but said nothing. Charles stepped in his walk-in closet and searched for warm clothes. 

“I didn’t want to wake you. I don’t know if you have a shift or not,” he called out from the closet and couldn’t decide which cardigan to wear. When he settled on the blue one Erik answered,

“I don’t have to work today, only tonight. My shift starts at 9 p.m.”

So Erik would start his shift when Charles was finished. Too bad. Now, that Charles had him, he wanted to spend every minute with the other man. 

While Charles was putting on his clothes, Erik was in the bathroom. Charles hoped he would see the spare toothbrush he had laid out for him. 

When he buttoned the last button Erik came back into the room and scooped Charles in his arms. “Erik,” Charles began but was cut off by Erik’s lips. Charles sighed happily but when Erik steered him towards the bed, playing with the cardigan buttons, Charles tried to stop him.

“Erik,” he said again between kisses, “I have to go to work.”

“No you don’t.” Erik answered, now nibbling his chin. Charles laughed breathlessly and pushed Erik way.

“Of course I have to. My boss wouldn’t appreciate it if I’m late….”

Erik grumbled, “Technically I’m your boss, and I don’t mind. Come on!”

That had been almost a whine and Charles laughed again. He shook his head and then sighed, resting his head on Erik’s shoulder. They stood like that for a while until,

“What are we doing here, Erik?” 

He could feel Erik tense beneath his hands so he rubbed soothing circles on Erik’s back.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean…I thought you hated me.”

Erik let go of him abruptly, only to put Charles’ face beneath his large hands and looking into his eyes with an earnest expression.

“I’ve never hated you. Do you understand? Never. It’s far from that…,” Erik almost looked desperate and Charles nodded slowly.

“Okay,” he whispered and Erik looked relieved that Charles didn’t protest. Charles wanted to point out that that didn’t wipe out everything Erik had done or said to him in the past but they were interrupted by their pagers who chimed simultaneously. 

Apparently some celebrity had been involved in an accident and demanded that every surgeon of the hospital would be in her service. What the hell. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Your father is insane if he thinks that I would show up for some Hollywood whore,” Erik scowled. Charles barked out a laugh. He kissed the tip of Erik’s nose and grabbed his backpack.

“Do what you must. And close the door properly when you leave.” He said and left quickly because he was already late.

When he had looked back, Erik had looked a bit dumbfounded.

~+~

> February, 7th
> 
>  
> 
> Survived the first eye contact with Raven. It was at the cafeteria. I was sitting at a table with Erik and Moira when she came in. We waved at each other a bit awkwardly but when she spotted Erik who was sitting closer to me than necessary she waggled her eyebrows and I had to snort. She then left with a salad without stopping by our table but that’s okay. I think it will be some time until we will talk to each other again. ~~We both have to work things out with our new/old boyfriends.~~
> 
> Erik is strictly professional when we are working. All _Doctor Xavier, the patient in room 45 needs…_
> 
> I’m rather fond of that. Okay, sometimes I catch myself staring at his lips or following his long fingers when he stitches someone up. His professional doctor attitude is so hot. I hadn’t noticed that before. 
> 
>  
> 
> He even treats me like an equal at work. Not like I am dirt under his shoe. That’s a first for sure. 
> 
> We’re not talking very much, I’m afraid. Sitting hurts like a bitch. 
> 
> When we have the same shift, he walks me home like a gentleman. Then he fucks me into oblivion like a mad man.
> 
> He invited me for tonight. The first time at Erik’s! I’m excited!
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Shit, I’m head over heels in love….~~ I’m really happy right now.
> 
>  
> 
> Though I have to ask him sometime what we are and where we stand. But I can wait…it’s too perfect right now.
> 
> ~~Please don’t let me be just a fuck…dear god~~

~+~

 

It was snowing heavily when Charles got off the subway at 14 St and it took a while until he found the house where Erik lived in. When he finally found it, he was freezing and rubbed his (gloveless) hands together frantically on the elevator ride up. When he stepped out of the elevator at the third floor, Erik was waiting for him at the end of the hall. He was dressed in old sweatpants and a Harvard hoodie. Such normal clothes and for Charles he looked like sex on legs. 

“You’re freezing,” was Erik’s greeting and Charles shrugged.

 

“I’m really not made for such cold weather,” he said, giving Erik his coat, who frowned at it. “I’m not surprised,” Erik tutted, “you’re still only wearing a thin coat.”

Charles rubbed his arms and just shrugged again. “Is it possible to have tea in this house?” he asked instead and Erik grinned. “Of course. Just sit down,” he walked Charles to a black leather couch which was standing in the open space of one big living room. Erik vanished in the kitchen and Charles took in his surroundings. What he could see of the apartment looked lovely. High ceilings, an exposed brick wall and dark hardwood floors. He sank further into the couch. The living room was huge. Everything in here was huge. The furnishings, the stereo, the TV, the…

“What the _fuck_!”

Something that looked like a [small feline predator](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savannah_cat) trotted towards him. It was brown spotted, had yellow eyes, big ears and….purred. Charles assumed it was a big cat. He had to assume…

With caution he held his hand out and the cat licked his fingers, rubbing his head against his hand.

“I see you’ve already met Nefertiti.” Erik said behind him, holding a steaming cup of Earl Grey.

Nefertiti was purring even louder when she spotted Erik.

“She’s gorgeous,” Charles said.

“I hope so. She had cost me a small fortune.” He offered him the tea which Charles thankfully accepted. 

Erik joined him on the couch and turned on the TV, zapping until he stopped at a Bundesliga match. He laid his hand on Charles’ knee, rubbing small circles. Charles almost purred like Nefertiti and sipped his tea. He was more watching Erik instead of the soccer game.

He was so handsome….

After a while Erik noticed Charles watching him and turned his head.

“Are you done?” he asked with a smirk and Charles smiled sheepishly.

“I think I could never be done with you.”

Oh god…where did _that_ come from? 

Erik looked stunned. For a while neither of them said anything. 

And then Erik slumped forward and sighed deeply.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Charles,” he said and gave Charles the softest kiss he ever had received. One kiss turned into many and shortly afterwards Charles was sitting in Erik’s lap, softness forgotten and pulling at Erik’s hair.

“I think, I have to show you my bedroom,” Erik murmured against his lips and Charles sighed. 

“Then show me.”

Erik growled and stood up – witch Charles still in his arms – and carried him to the bedroom. 

That Erik could carry him so lightly was a major turn on for Charles. He felt like slut, biting Erik’s neck, moaning loudly and rubbing himself against Erik’s middle. Erik stumbled for a moment, breathing an almost silent ‘Charles’ out and pressing Charles hard into the next wall.

“Be still…,” he warned. Charles just grinned lazily and wiggled again, creating a wonderful friction between them. 

Erik groaned again and then continued carrying Charles to his bedroom threw him onto the bed roughly and watched him with dark eyes.

“You’re mine,” he said and kissed him.

~+~

Wrapped in a thick blanket but otherwise naked, Charles wandered through Erik’s 3-bedroom-apartment and took everything in, Nefertiti trailing behind him. Erik was busy in the kitchen, cooking dinner. Charles loved it here. Everything was so Erik, everything straight and nothing out of line. He got lost in Erik’s study, fingers trailing over books and scholarly Journals. He already wanted to move on when he bumped against the table and a thick file fell on the floor, opened itself and many papers scattered around.

Charles crouched on the floor to pick them up. He really hadn’t wanted to snoop around but his gaze fell on one of the papers and he realized that it was an application for research scholarships in Europe and Asia. Huh. The scholarships were all exquisite and were to start in September and had duration for over two years.

At the end of the paper there was Erik’s signature and the date he had signed it. 

It had only been yesterday.

What.

Charles looked at the other papers and each one was signed yesterday.

_Erik was going to apply for research scholarships all over the fucking world._

Charles looked at the papers dumbstruck. 

Erik wanted to _leave_ in a few months. He had signed everything yesterday when he already had this…this _thing_ with Charles.

Well…now Charles had the answer. He had wondered how Erik saw them both. Clearly not in a relationship.

Swallowing a lump down his throat, Charles put the papers back in order and was putting it on the table again when Erik entered the room. 

“Dinner’s ready,” he said and Charles nodded. He still stared at the file, blinking rapidly.

Fuck.

“Is everything okay?” Erik asked him, stepping behind him. 

“Sure,” Charles said thinly. “I just saw your applications. I didn’t mean to snoop, sorry. They fell from the table. Germany, huh?” Charles turned around and Erik didn’t miss a beat in answering.

“Yes,” he smiled, “it would be nice living in Germany again. And I could take my mother with me. It doesn’t matter if Germany or something else. The main point is that we’re together.”

“Your mother,” Charles repeated flatly.

“Yup. Are you hungry? I’m hungry. Let’s go.”

And he smiled so sweet that Charles let him take his hand and followed Erik into the kitchen.

_Hello broken heart, old friend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! They are such idiots, I don't even know. Fear not! Everything's going to be fine...I think.
> 
> I hope I can update more or less regularly from now on. But I'm not sure since grad school had started on Monday and I had to take a break for one year and now I'm back and finishing my masters....
> 
> So much work. One week over and I'm already sick of Japanese...meh
> 
> I'll try to update often, I promise.
> 
> Stay tuned and don't forget that I love you all so much!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Valentine's Day! Erik talks. And then...not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for some medical bullshitting in this chapter. I don't know anything about medical science.

“So, I talked to your mom the other day. She called me yesterday, wanted to know if I was free on Saturday, “Charles opened the conversation. They were at his apartment, exhausted from a double shift and eating Take Away Thai. The cartons were scattered across the coffee table and Charles was sprawled across the floor, his head on Erik's lap who was sitting cross legged in front of the table. Erik looked away from the television and down at him, chewing tiredly. 

“But Saturday is the 14th...,” he started and Charles nodded. “Yes, I know, it's the 14th, since it's the day I'm free of work for 24 hours.” Charles said, “She wants me for a...what was it? Some date...uhh...some special...,” he couldn't remember. He had been very tired at the time of her call.

“Valentine's date?” Erik asked him dryly and Charles snapped his fingers, nodding.

“That was it. It's Valentine's Day, isn't it? It's some kind of book party hosted by her publisher. And she doesn't want to go alone, said something about 'eye candy and nobody will criticize' her books. You have to work Sunday morning so she didn't want to ask you.”

Erik pursed his lips and crushed his napkin. “And why would you do that? Didn't she think that you may have a date with your boyfriend?”

Charles yawned and didn't bother to open his eyes. “What boyfriend?” he asked sleepily and when Erik's answer was an uncomfortable silence, Charles eyes snapped open and he looked up at Erik questioningly. 

“Wait, what? My boyfriend?” he asked him and sat up to look Erik directly in the eyes. “ _You_ are my boyfriend?”

Happiness was blooming in Charles' chest, only to be met by warmth in his cheeks when Erik looked at him _like that_. Like it was so obvious and Charles was a fool. 

“I thought I am.” Erik said and was now tearing his napkin in little pieces, looking a bit worried.

“Oh. I didn't know we were dating since we only have … uh... fucked and didn't have one date....” Charles said a little shyly and then smiled so wide that his face hurt. He hadn't smiled like that in a long time. Erik's gaze softened. 

“I wanted to change that on Saturday. The...” now he looked embarrassed. “The...dating thing.” 

Charles leaned forward and kissed his nose. “You want to have the first date with me on Valentine's Day? But you have to work the next day. Erik, Erik...that's so cliché!” Charles was delighted by the soft pink color which appeared across Erik's cheeks.

“Yes, if you want.” Erik said and then resolutely piled the empty cartons and was deliberately not looking at Charles. Charles laughed and caught Erik's hands to stop them from mashing cartons together which still had food in them. “I'd love to.” he said earnestly and kissed him.

Erik grinned against his mouth and said afterwards, “So you have to turn my mom down, I'm looking forward to that.”

Charles shrugged, “Oh trust me, I know how to turn her attention elsewhere,” he said and grabbed his phone. Erik took the piled cartons to bring them into the kitchen and reminded him that Edie was in a boring book meeting right now, so better text her.

Charles grinned. That was even better.

Erik hadn't said a word about them to her. He had mentioned to Charles that Edie had wanted to talk about the night they had spent at her house but they got into a fight when Erik had denied everything because it wasn't his to tell and Edie had called him a fool and a few other things, Erik didn't want to share with Charles.

So she had no idea. 

He opened the messaging App and began typing.

_My dearest Edie, I'm sorry, but I can't accompany you on Saturday. I have a date._

Ten seconds later there was an answer already. The meeting must have been very boring.

_What? No! But I am happy for you! A date on Valentine's Day? Who is the lucky girl?_

Charles grin was becoming a bit mad when he typed,

_No girl. I decided to take a break from them. I have a date with my boyfriend, you know?_

This time the answer came even faster. No spell check whatsoever.

_OHCHARLES! Thatssogreat. Why didn't you tellMe? Who is it? Ishehand some?_

_Oh, he's great, Edie. And so handsome. I think you'll approve of him._

_Of course, I will. I trust your judgment, silly. Do you have a picture? I need to see him!_

Charles smiled. Edie was so awesome. Every time he talked or saw her, he fell a little bit more in love with her. Chuckling, he stood up and went to the kitchen where he was greeted by Erik who was elbow deep in hot water, scrubbing their plates. (“I won't put a few plates in the dish washer, Charles! It will be a week until the dish washer is full enough to turn it on and everything will rot until then. Seriously, Charles.”) 

When Charles approached him, he pushed a strand of hair, which had fallen on his forehead, back. Now he had foam exactly where the strand of hair had been and looked utterly adorable. Charles raised his phone.

“Hey, Erik.”

Erik looked at him clearly annoyed because Charles had distracted him from the important task of washing the plates and Charles took advantage of the moment to snap a picture. After changing his phone background he sent the picture to Edie.

“Why are you grinning so madly?” Erik asked suspiciously when his own phone started ringing. The Imperial March was starting to play and Erik looked at him murderous. “I told you to tell her you've got a date with your boyfriend. Not that said boyfriend was _me_!” he sounded rather panicked and wiped his hands dry and then fish his phone out if his jeans pocket. 

“Ooops.” Charles said and cackled when Erik took the call and Edie's voice shrilled through the whole kitchen. 

“ERIK MAGNUSLENSHERR! YOU'RE DATING MY PRECIOUS CHARLES AND HAVEN'T TOLD ME???IT'S YOUR FAULT IF I CAN'T GET MY NEW BOOK CONTRACT BECAUSE I HAD TO LEAVE THE ROOM TO CALL YOU!”

“Mama...,” Erik started meekly and Edie answered with a shower of German curses (Charles knew some of the words, Erik taught him years ago).

Charles left Erik alone in the kitchen to go check is mail and to give them bit privacy. 

Better him than me, Charles thought amused when he went through the pile of mail he had dropped in the hallway earlier. He had a few bills, a wedding invitation from his mother (ugh, he didn't want to...) and a...

“Huh?” Charles didn't know what to think when he saw that he had received a big letter envelope from the University Of Cambridge Medical School. What?

He ripped it open and a few pamphlets, documents and application forms fell out. The last piece of paper was a letter from his old Professor at Oxford. Charles smiled. He really liked Professor Pym and became more and more excited when he read the letter. He hadn't had many lectures with Professor Pym. He had visited the human genetics lecture out of curiosity during his second Oxford year and had been fascinated by Professor Pym's particular visions about the affiliation between medicine and human genetics. He had taken more and more courses but in the end graduated in medicine and became a general practitioner. But the discussions with the Professor were a fond memory and if Charles was honest with himself he preferred research. Sure, working practical and helping people was great but Charles thought that one could help people more in research. 

His old professor had written that he was now working at Cambridge University and got the whole Human Genetics department under him. And he would like to have Charles with him. He offered Charles to take a second doctoral degree in medical human genetics. Professor Pym had hated it that he hadn't been able to change Charles' opinion about his major and had been rather heartbroken when Charles had left Oxford for good.

 _Of course, I know that you don't work as a general practitioner, Charles._ Professor Pym wrote at the end, _You rather wanted to study further and are now in surgeon training. I know you, Charles. I now you'd love to learn more about our both favorite subject. Don't deny it. My offer stands. I don't think you want to become a surgeon, Charles. If you start researching here with me you also could teach lectures...think about all the possibilities! Think about it. You even could start this year. Or the next. Or the year after that. As long as you come here. We're in desperate need of a brilliant mind like yours._

Charles startled violently when Erik's voice said directly behind him.

“Wow, this guy is a huge fanboy.”

“Erik!” he chided, “you aren't supposed to ready my mail, you know?”

Erik just shrugged, “I was talking to you but you didn't answer. I wanted to know what you were so engrossed in.”

“Hmhm...” Charles said noncommittally and put the mail back for now. 

“So, you talked to your mother, yes?” he asked Erik instead but Erik was having none of that. 

“Are you going back to England, then? The offer sounds great.” Erik said and Charles sighed.

“I don't know...I...there are a few factors I have to consider. I don't want to make a rushed decision, I mean...I really want to become a surgeon and uh...there is also...uh...” he looked at Erik awkwardly. 

“What?” Erik asked and Charles sighed. 

“Well, you're a factor in this, too...” Charles said matter of factly and Erik looked stunned, pointing at himself. “Me?” he asked and Charles nodded.

“Well, yes...I like you..and New York and my work...and Edie. So...”

Silence.

“You wouldn't have a problem with me going back to England?” 

Now Charles was stunned. 

Erik opened his mouth to answer, and then closed it again. He was at a loss for words. He seemed to think very hard. Finally, he said,

“I don't want to stand in your way. You haven't said anything when you have found my scholarship applications so....”

Ah...the scholarships. Charles had almost forgotten about them since he had worked so much during the last days. 

“You wanted me to say anything about it?” he asked Erik who looked like he wanted to say something but then just shrugged. 

Charles was too tired for this.

“Oh, Erik.” he sighed and took his hand led him to the bedroom. “I'm too tired for this conversation.  
Let's talk about this another time, okay?”

Erik said nothing but let himself being pulled by Charles.

~+~

They didn't talk about it again. Charles had the feeling that he was missing something huge between them and waited patiently for Erik to say something but Erik never said a word about the offer for Charles or his own applications. 

The more Charles thought about the offer, the more he loved it but he really didn't want to leave New York. He loved the city, loved the people, loved....

Shit.

He didn't know what to do.

But enough of that, for now. He had a date to attend. 

Charles checked the time. Still half an hour until Erik would come by. He didn't tell Charles what they were going to do, only 'dress nicely'. 

Charles had tried to dress nicely and looked at himself at the mirror. He had bought the blue suit today. It fit perfectly and underlined Charles's body in the right way. Charles had even tried to tame his (still longer) hair with pomade and was delighted that he looked good. Who would have thought? 

He fiddled for another twenty minutes until the doorbell rang. He grabbed his things, put on his thick coat (Erik had insisted on taking him shopping for that) and made his way downstairs. Erik was waiting outside, looking dashing as ever. His hair was put back, too and that what Charles could see under Erik’s coat looked great. Charles grinned and squeezed Erik’s hand when he reached him. 

“Hi.”

Erik smiled and escorted him to the Taxi which was waiting for them. 

“Now, to Grand Central Terminal, please,” Erik said to the driver and Charles looked at Erik questioningly. Erik didn’t tell him where they would go but the Grand Central Terminal? Were they driving somewhere?

“You do know that you have to work in a few hours, right?” Charles asked him and Erik chuckled. “I know that, thank you for your concern. I know what I’m doing.” Erik said and took Charles’ hands in his. They were silent for the whole ride, holding hands. Charles was watching out of the window, smiling at the sight of the couples making their way through a very pink and snowy New York. Now and then he risked a glance towards Erik. The other man was equally looking outside and was at ease. He didn’t seem nervous. How unfair. Charles had had butterflies in his stomach the whole day and couldn’t help but feel like the awkward teenager swooning for Erik all over again. 

Half an hour later the taxi stopped and they got out after Erik paid the fare. The Terminal was full of busy people and Charles mentally prepared to box is way free but Erik didn’t lead him to the Station. They walked a bit along the building until they were standing in front of an entrance which read _15 Vanderbilt Avenue_ and under that _The Campbell Apartment_.

They went inside and Charles realized that this was a really expensive Cocktail bar. The whole place seemed to consist of mahogany and expensive carpets. Behind the bar there was a huge window. Everyone here was dressed sharp and it was like stepping in a 1920’s world. There was a massive fireplace with a steel safe sitting in it. It was full but Erik talked to someone and they were led to a private corner with a table for two. They received the menu and Erik ordered two glasses of Scotch. When the waiter left them with their menus, Charles beamed at Erik.

“Erik, this place is great! What is it? I’ve never heard of it before.”

Erik was looking pleased and thanked the waiter who had brought their drinks in record time. He took a sip of his Scotch and smiled. “It was the office of some tycoon in the 20’s and now it’s a Cocktail bar in the 20’s style. I was here a few times and I thought you’d like it.”

Charles tasted the Scotch and loved the slight burn it left in his throat. It was delicious.

“I love it,” Charles said honestly and now Erik was smiling wide and looking genuinely happy. 

Charles loved him so much.

~+~

When the waiter took their empty dessert plates with him Charles was feeling content and happy like he hadn’t had a long time. Their conversation hat varied from topics like chess to politics and some new achievements in the pharmaceutical industry. 

Charles was feeling fuzzy all over and every time Erik smiled at him over the candle his heart swelled and he smiled back happily. After their last cocktail they left the bar (Erik had insisted on paying the immense bill) and drove to Erik’s. Charles felt a bit tipsy and stumbled over Nefertiti when they entered the apartment. Erik saved him from falling and then held him close. Charles buried his face in the warmth of Erik’s maroon colored shirt which peaked out of the open coat and suit. 

Neither of them was saying anything for a while until,

“Charles, I know that I have hurt you more than I can count. Since…since the beginning.”

Charles stiffened. He really didn’t want to think about that now but Erik seemed like he needed to say this.

“I’m a stupid bloke in situations like these. And I was so angry at the time we met. So angry, you wouldn’t understand. It was…,” he broke off.

“It was so hard at that time and then you appeared and you…”

Charles listened, not looking up at Erik, and Erik continued.

“You were the light of my life during our school time,” he finally admitted and Charles heart stopped. Now he had to look up. Erik stared down at him intently and Charles could see nothing but the truth in his eyes. 

“But I was afraid the whole time. I don’t trust easily and you were so easygoing with…with everyone and well, you know that you weren’t a saint. One time I thought you liked me and wanted me and five minutes later you went to some fuck date.”

Charles’ cheeks burned and he looked away, biting his lip.

“Erik,” he said but Erik interrupted him,

“No, you don’t have to apologize. _I_ have been the asshole the whole time. I just could have said something.”

Charles nodded. How easy everything would have been…

“And then school was over and I got into the medical program at Harvard and I was so happy and…finally you said that you loved me and I thought I could be happy, with you, in the US. And…then you said you were staying in England….I was devastated because I had declined an offer from Oxford. I…I was under the impression that you were going to Harvard and….”

Oh god. Charles felt awful. 

“I’ve never been so hurt in my life. Not even when…,” Erik broke off again and pressed Charles close to him, pressing a kiss on top of his head.

“I hoped I would never see you again. It was almost too much for me when I had to work under your father. But I managed and then…then you reappeared in my life. And god…you were so brave and beautiful. So, so beautiful. I hated looking at you. I hated you so much for being _you_. You charming, beautiful sexy bastard….”

Erik chuckled and Charles had to grin, too. 

“But I was so afraid…and your attitude towards me was so ambivalent and then…you had to…your thing with Raven….”

They looked at each other again and Charles held his breath.

“Charles…what I am trying to say,” Erik took a deep breath, “I know I’m bad in showing it and I hope you will forgive me some time but…,” he bent down and his breath ghosted over Charles’ lips.

“I’ve been in love with you my whole life. My real life began when I moved to England, believe it or not. I love you so much. And I’m so afraid I’ll lose you. _Again_.”

Charles felt dizzy.

“Erik,” he whispered.

“Please,” Erik whispered back, “Love me. Hate me. I don’t care but _please_ stay with me.”

And then he kissed him. It was like everything was clicking into place. They had circled each other for years and finally, _finally_ had reached the right time. Charles tried to pour everything in the kiss. His love, his trust, his own apologies.

Erik made a desperate sound and tugged at his clothes, pushing Charles towards the bedroom.

Much later, when they were both curled under Erik’s thick blankets and Nefertiti purring at their feet, Charles head on Erik’s chest, Charles said,

“I love you, too. Fiercely. Since the beginning. “

Erik’s hand on his arm gripped him tightly and a rumble went through his body when he laughed deeply.

“I know.” Erik said cockily but with obvious relief.

Charles threw a pillow at his head and laughed, too.

“Git.”

~+~

 

The three weeks that followed after were the best in Charles’ life. Erik’s love for him was so obvious now that Charles asked himself how he could have been so blind. Erik treated him like he was the most precious thing in his little world and Edie was happy, too, seeing her son so at ease with his feelings. 

Erik’s applications for the scholarships had all been accepted and one evening they had a long talk about both of their future possible careers. Charles could see clearly that Erik wanted to go to Germany badly. One hospital in Hamburg even offered him the position as the head of surgeon department if he worked and learned with them for three years. But something was holding Erik back from taking the offer.

Even when Charles said that he would come with him. (Charles was surprised that he wanted nothing else. Being with Erik was his top priority. He was a fully qualified doctor. Professor Pym had been right. Becoming a surgeon wasn’t that important to him. And Professor Pym’s offer about Cambridge….the offer didn’t have a expiration date, Professor Pym had assured) 

Even then, Erik was still hesitating. 

Charles had asked Edie but she only had looked at him a bit sadly and told him that Erik would figure it out, eventually.

And then…

And then everything went to hell.

~+~

There had been a horrible subway accident. It had happened near Erik’s subway station.

So many casualties. Everything was hectic and chaotic at their hospital, especially for the surgeons. Erik, Charles and the other surgeons and surgeons-in-training had one surgery after another. Charles was exhausted and the emergencies didn’t stop. 

Some time, in the middle of the night, Charles had a patient who was barely stable and was in need of a surgery as soon as possible. The blood loss had been immense and it was said that Charles had to do it alone because all the senior surgeons had other surgeries to perform or where in the middle of one. It wasn’t that Charles was afraid but when the patient was conscious he wouldn’t answer any of Charles’ questions. Charles was little bit desperate since he needed to know some facts before the patient would slip into unconsciousness again. 

Eventually the older man said something and Charles realized that it was German. Oh thank god. He told Alex to watch the patient; he had to get Erik for translation.

Charles took his file with him and hoped that Erik was free for a few minutes. He was lucky, because he saw Erik vanishing in his office.

Charles quickly followed him inside where Erik was changing clothes. When he saw Charles, he smiled but looked serious. “I don’t have time. I just need to change and then perform one hell of a surgery.”

Charles nodded.

“It won’t be long. I just have a question. You see, I have this German patient here, I think,” he looked at the file and also found the attached German ID. (Stupid. Why hadn’t he seen that sooner?)

“Uh, I need you to translate for me. His name is…uh…Jakob Eisenhardt. His injuries are severe and I need to operate as soon as possible or he could die and..,” he looked up at Erik again who had frozen midway, changing his shirt.

“Are you alright?” he asked him but Erik was on him in an instant and ripped the file out of his hands. He looked at the ID and blanched. First he looked confused, then scared and then…unbelievably angry.

“Erik…! What is it?” Charles asked a bit afraid and Erik gripped his arms so hard it hurt.

“Charles. You mustn’t operate him,” he told him a little bit manically and Charles gaped at him.

“What? What’s wrong with you? Of course I have to. He will die if I won’t.”

“Charles. Charles. You’re not listening. This man. He doesn’t deserve to live. He…”

Erik shivered. What was he saying? Charles didn’t understand one bit.

“Erik. Do you know him? What…?”

Charles was truly afraid now, but…

“Erik, you know I can’t do that. It’s my duty to help him. _Our_ duty. “

Erik looked like he was far away. And murderous. Eventually, he looked at Charles again.

“Okay. Then perform the surgery but….don’t try too much. Nobody will ask if he dies under your hands. You’re a beginner after all.”

Charles gasped and slowly became angry, too.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he almost yelled. 

They were interrupted by Nurse Frost. She looked at them coolly and said,

“Excuse me. Dr Lensherr, you have to go now and Dr Xavier…we’ve found a translator.”

She left with another warning for Erik that he was desperately needed elsewhere.

Erik swallowed and finally seemed to remember that he had his own duties. He took Charles’ face between his hands looked at him with a desperation that knocked the breath out of Charles.

“Please. I beg you. Please don’t help him.” He pleaded. He honest to god pleaded.

“Erik,” Charles whispered, “You know I can’t do that.”

Now Erik looked furious.

“Charles,” he snarled, “If you love me, you _have to let this man die_.”

Charles was speechless for a moment. And then the anger went back with full force.

“How dare you. How fucking dare you, trying to manipulate me like that! What the fuck is wrong with you? Cool down and go to your patient for fuck’s sake. Don’t ever speak to me like that again.”

He left the office and Erik didn’t follow him.

~+~

Charles had problems to clear his head. He was nervous and confused and cursed Erik internally. But once the body under him was opened, there was so much blood that Charles finally could focus.

It lasted hours.

In the end, Charles was losing him.

He tried to reanimate him and it didn’t work. 

Normally, Charles would try again, again and again. Five times at last. That was who he was.

After the second try the team around him looked exhausted and depressed. For them, the patient, _Jakob Eisenhardt,_ was a lost cause. There was still a lot to do. So many patients.

Charles wanted to try again. He wouldn’t lose this man. He had done everything right, hadn’t he? What had been his mistake?

What? What? What?

And then he looked up and saw Erik behind the window, looking wrecked and desperate.

And…

“Time of death: 6.43 am,” Charles said numbly and stepped away from the table. 

Relief flooded over Erik’s face and Charles felt cold and tremendous.

When he had removed the dirty scrubs he met Erik in the washroom. 

“Charles…” Erik started but Charles ignored him, washing his hands violently, pressing his lips together to refrain himself from yelling at Erik.

“Charles,” Erik said again, “It was the right thing to do. I…you don’t know what that means to me. Let…let me explain later, please…”

Charles head snapped up and he looked at Erik so angry, Erik shut up immediately. 

“I just killed a man because of you. There still was a chance of survival. Oh my god. What if I have made a mistake on purpose? Unconsciously? _What was I thinking?_ ” 

Charles felt ill. He rushed to the bin and lost the little bit of food he had consumed in the last hours.

Erik was at his side in an instant, laying a warm hand on his back.

“Don’t touch me.” Charles hissed and Erik jumped back like he had been burnt.

Charles was swaying and gripped the edges of the bin hard.

“How could you demand such a thing, Erik?”

 _If you love me, then…_ Erik’s words still ghosted through his mind.

“Just let me explain. I…”

“Well, then explain. Now.”

But Erik only stared. He didn’t say anything. He looked like he wanted to but couldn’t.

Charles sighed bitterly. 

“Go away,” Charles said. When Erik didn’t move, Charles snarled and yelled,

“Get lost!”

Erik looked very sad for a moment. And then his face smoothed out in the arrogant, impassive face, Charles hated so much. He looked like Charles just betrayed _him_ , turned around and left.

Charles retched again and vomited into the bin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA! Finally! The last part was in my head since the beginning! I'm so glad I could finally write it!
> 
> And so much kudos and subscriptions! 
> 
> I love you so much. Seriously.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being late and not answering any comments. I've just been so busy.But now it's Christmas break and I'm free of uni for a while, yay. 
> 
> I started using  my [tumblr](http://minzimpression.tumblr.com) actively now. I think I will use the blog for FF updates, too. If you want to discuss the story there with me or talk about something, feel free to write me. Maybe I'm going to take prompts some time, but I'm still not sure about that.
> 
> Enough said. This chapter was hard and I hope you like it!

**5** and he is the happiest boy in the world. He is standing at his mother’s bed and she places the bundle gently in his arms. He looks at it curiously and wrinkles his nose. “What is this? She looks like a raisin.” he says and turns around when he can hear his father laughing. “Don’t be so mean, son. Your sister is the most beautiful creature in the world.”

He joins them and plants a kiss on his mother’s forehead. Max hands his newborn sister to his father and looks at his mother when she takes his hand. “You have to protect her, sweetheart,” she says, looking tired, “Anna is going to need a big brother.” Max is automatically standing up straighter and nods. When his mother says so, he will. He looks at his tiny sister and fierce determination wells up in him. He will protect Anna with his life. He will love her and cherish her. And no harm will ever be done to her.

~+~

**8** and he is angry. So, so angry. “But that’s unfair!” he yells at his mother, kicking his bed post and immediately regretting it when pain spreads through his toe. “I saved money so I could go with my friends on adventures. My whole summer was planned! I want to be with my friends!”

“Max…” his mother sighs.

“I hate you! I don’t want to go to the Baltic Sea with you and Anna! Why should I go with you? _I’m_ not the one, who’s ill.”

“You know, that your sister is very sick and she needs the fresh salt-breeze for her lungs.”

“Of course I know that. But why do I have to go with you? Why can’t I stay here, with dad?”

His mother has a very pinched look on her face and her gaze hardens. 

“You can’t,” is all she says and leaves the room to enter Anna’s. Max can hear her coughing through the thin walls and immediately feels bad for his outburst. His sister adores him and she needs him. His mother is stressed and fighting with his dad every evening. Since his father had lost his job six months ago, he had spent more and more time out of the house and when he’s at home, he reeks of alcohol and screams at Max’s mother like everything bad in life is her fault. Max often checks up on her, when his father is finally asleep on the couch but she always hugs him and says that the bad times will fade. His father just needs to find a new job. Everything is alright.

Defeated, Max searches for his backpack and starts packing.

~+~

**10** and he looks at his broken hand, adrenaline pumping through his veins. His father is yelling at him, clutching his bloody nose. 

“I think you broke my hand,” Max whispers more to himself than to his father. It hurts badly. It feels like all of his fingers were broken. He closes his eyes in pain and his father’s angry voice washes over him. 

When his dad stood on the doorstep after his mother had thrown him out three days ago and demanded to know where his whore of a wife was, Erik had lost it and had punched him in the face with all he had. He hadn’t really registered the pain that went through his hand when his father went down, holding his nose. Only, when Jakob Eisenhardt lunged at him, pressing his hand and he could hear several sickening noises of bones breaking. Then his brain started to realize the pain and now tears are swimming in his eyes.

“Please go away, dad,” he says, voice broken. 

His father stops yelling and for one moment there’s something like clarity in his eyes. He looks at Max with sad eyes and clears his throat. Max looks at him questioningly and his father opens his mouth to say something else but then a car horn makes a loud noise somewhere and Jakob Eisenhardt startles. Wordlessly, he turns around and leaves. 

Later, Max tells his mother that he had broken three of his fingers during a stupid stunt he had tried with his bike.

She believes him, asks him to babysit his sister and leaves for her third job today.

Max doesn’t see his father for a whole year.

~+~

**11** and he is genuinely happy. They are celebrating his sister’s first school day. His mother is leaning against his father’s shoulder and laughing. Three months ago Jakob Eisenhardt begged his wife to take him back. He’s been sober for a while, got a new job and had wooed his wife like they were still teenagers. His mother was swept away and took him back. They’ve been a happy family since.

Even Max lost all reservations against his father who had apologized for the ‘accident’ one year ago. And Anna adored him. She had missed her father dearly and having him again seemed to have stabilized her health, too. 

His father kisses his mother’s temple and praises her for the first book she has completed, promising her to help with selling the book to a publishing company.

Max smiles into his orange juice.

Everything is alright.

~+~

**13** and he’s sitting in front of a police officer, sneering at the man who just frowns and writes down his personal data. Max has made new friends recently, older and cooler than him. They are showing him an awesome lifestyle he wants to follow that. His parents and little sister annoy him to no end. His father has started drinking again because he had lost his job, his mother is often away, researching for her new book and Anna is just so _clingy_. She had made him look weak in front of his new friends when he had left the house. She had hugged him tightly, wishing to come with him. Of course he had absolutely refused and his older friends had teased him to no end when they strolled to town later that evening. The small pang of guilt he had felt when he had left her alone in the house with the neighbors daughter as a baby sitter (his father wasn’t at home, sure as hell drinking in some bar again) quickly fades away when his friends urge him to throw the stone through the window of the shiny black BMW.

It really had been too bad that the owner of the car hadn’t been too far away and caught Max before he could have gotten away. 

And now he’s here at the police station waiting for his mother to pick him up. Naturally, they hadn’t reached his father and his mother had been at the airport when they called her instead. She had to cancel her business trip and returned to pick up Max.

One boring hour later she walks through the door and looks at Max with such disappointment that he has to look away. She sighs, talks to the police officer and promises to pay the damage her son had made to the car. Thankfully the car owner didn’t want to press any charges.

Suddenly, Erik feels bad. His mother is looking tired and sad and when they sit in her car she doesn’t start it. She just sits there and stares into nothing. Neither of them says anything, until –

“I’m going to stop writing books for a while. You obviously need me at home. I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she finally says and looks at him with sad eyes. Max can’t hold her gaze and looks away, ashamed.

“You don’t have to do that,” he mumbles, “I’m just angry that…that dad…he’s drinking again and…”

“I know, I know. You’ve got too much responsibility. I’m sorry that I have left you alone with your father. I thought….I thought….,” she pauses, clearing her throat, “I really thought we could be happy again. Your father is in a bad place again. I’m sorry for that. I’m going to fix that. Everything is going to be alright. But promise me…don’t meet those guys anymore. They’re a bad influence. You’re lucky Mr. Schmidt didn’t press any charges against you.”

Max stays silent. He can’t promise that. His friends show him a carefree world and he has so much fun with them. The car stunt was just a bad gag, nothing more. But when his mother will be home again, maybe…maybe he won’t need them anymore.

His mother says nothing more and starts the car. When they into their street, heavy smoke is curling up to the dark sky.

He’s 13 when he sees his home blazing fiercely. 

He’s 13 when he stays in front of his burning home, frozen to the place, watching his neighbor trying to reanimate his little sister. His father is standing a few feet away, a beer bottle in his right hand and watching the scene with empty eyes. His mother is screaming, screaming, screaming.

He’s 13 when the emergency doctor pronounces his little sister dead and the same police officer who had been writing down Max’s data a few hours ago, eyes the purple bruises on Anna’s fragile neck and takes Jakob Eisenhardt into custody.

~+~

**14** and he can’t stand the pity in the eyes of everyone in the room when he testifies in the culpable homicide trial against his own father. 

Jakob Eisenhardt had beaten and slightly choked his daughter in drunken rage when she had tried to cook him a meal to cheer him up after he had dismissed the baby sitter who had told her father afterwards to maybe check on the Eisenhardt family again. The meal had been badly burnt and Jakob Eisenhardt had just been so angry with her, with him, with the world. He had left her unconscious body on the kitchen floor to take a nap on the couch. The stove had still been turned on and only a few minutes later the stove was on fire. Max’s father woke due to the smell of smoke and ran out of the house. The neighbor had greeted him in the yard, asking for Anna. He could only stare at him dumbly and mumbled ‘kitchen’. The neighbor ran inside and retrieved her. 

Her weak lungs couldn’t withstand the deadly smoke.

When Max tells the judge everything he wants to know, including how he got his broken wrist and a few black eyes and thinks that is father is a very unstable man, his father explodes. He’s angry. He’s being dried out and shakes with uncontrollable fury. He threatens Max and his wife in front of the judge. 

When the judge sentences him to 13 years in prison, Jakob’s last whispering words to his son are:

“When I’m out, I’m going to hurt you. Testifying against me, how could you do that? You should have done it like your dearest mother. Staying silent. You’ll regret that, boy.”

Max repeats the exact words to the judge because he has nothing to lose.

They promise him to deal with the situation.

~+~

**14** and Max Eisenhardt loses his whole life.

14 and he is Erik Lensherr now. The lawyers couldn’t declare Jakob Eisenhardt mentally unstable so he wouldn’t have to go to preventive detention after having served his sentence.

The only solution is the witness protection program and only visiting Germany again for a brief time now and then.

He is 14 when he loses ground.

He is 14 and so angry.

He is 14 and meets the love of his life.

~+~

**30** and he loses ground, again.

He is sitting on his mother’s couch, face buried in his hands and crying. His mother is crying with him. 

He’s still in his scrubs. He had just left after the horrendous situation at the hospital.

“Mama, Mama. I’ve lost him. I’ve lost him,” he repeats it again and again, crying. 

Edie had been shocked when he stormed into her home, breaking down on the couch. He had told her about his father being _there_. Told her, how everything had welled up again. Anna, poor little Anna. Told her, that all he had wanted was to run a scalpel through his father’s heart.

And Charles, sweet Charles, dealing wrongly with his outburst.

Erik talks and talks and talks. He cries and cries and cries. Until his voice is raw and his throat hurts.

Anna. 

Charles.

Everything is his fault. 

Oh god, he has lost Charles. Just like he had lost Anna. He’s a terrible human being. 

Mama, why? 

Why?

He falls asleep in his mother’s shaking arms, her rough voice repeating only one sentence.

_It’s not your fault._

~+~

Charles doesn’t pick up his phone. Erik had been expecting that but it still hurts. He’s sitting in his office, staring at his mobile, hoping Charles’ number would light up. But nothing happens. Charles had called in sick today and when Erik had asked Charles’ father when the other man would return, Brian had no answer.

Erik dials the number, leaves a message again, apologizes and pleads Charles to call him back. He can explain everything. Edie could be present too, if Charles wants that. They both can explain, Erik tells the mailbox, apologizing and pleading until he’s cut off by the beep.

After his shift he drives to Charles’ apartment but no one is answering.

~+~

He pleads for a week but Charles doesn’t answer and nobody knows where he is.

Erik has fucked up so bad. He’s disgusted with himself.

~+~

Five weeks after the incident Erik needs to go to Brian Xavier for some paperwork when Charles literally falls into his arms. Erik opens to door to his boss’s office and Charles stumbles because he had been on his way out.

They both freeze on the spot.

Erik can’t help but grab Charles’ shoulders and pressing the small body against his own. Charles’ sunny scent reaches his nose and he inhales unconsciously. God, he’s missed him so much. Charles moves like he wants to put his head on Erik’s shoulder but stops himself. He doesn’t look Erik in the eyes when he carefully places his hands on Erik’s to push them away from his shoulders.

Erik lets them drop and the feeling of grieve and loss hits him with full force. 

Brian interrupts their silent awkwardness.

“Ah, Erik. How convenient. You can help Charles with his locker.”

That gets Erik’s attention.

“Your locker?” he asks Charles directly but the other man still won’t look at him. Brian answers instead.

“Yes, my dearest son decided to drop out,” he says unhappily and waves a letter around. It’s Charles’ notice in writing.

Erik feels like someone punched his gut. Hard.

“You’re quitting?” he asks maybe a tiny bit too desperate.

Fuck that. He _is_ desperate.

Charles looks ups at that and his eyes are so sad, Erik can’t breathe.

He nods at his father and leaves the office without another word. Erik dumps the paperwork on Brian’s desk quickly and follows Charles. Leaving space between them, he studies Charles’ backside and finds it very hard to refrain from reaching out and stroking over Charles’ sensitive spot on his neck.

_Want_ hits him with full body force, closely followed by _love_ and _hurt_ and he tries to calm down. 

The locker room is empty when they enter it and Charles silently starts clearing it out. The seconds tick by and the tension is getting thicker. 

Erik finally snaps when a large diary falls out of the locker in front of his feet and the open pages reveal his name written over and over again. He slams his fist against the door next to Charles’ locker and takes a shuddered breath.

“Charles…please,” his whispers and it sounds so broken, he dips his head in shame, closing his eyes.

A warm hand on his cheeks lets his eyes snap open and he catches Charles’ gaze. And his eyes are a mix of _love_ and _hurt_ and _betrayal_. 

Now, Erik is the one who looks away. He stares at a corner of the room and the hand leaves his face.

Charles continues packing his stuff silently and Erik refuses to look at him. 

The noise the locker door makes when Charles closes it is too loud for Erik’s ears. He feels raw, vulnerable. His whole body aches and his skin feels too tight.

It is Charles who breaks the silence.

“My mother broke her leg and hip recently. I’m going to Boston for two months until she recovers,” he says and Erik bites his lip. Charles is leaving him. He is running away from him.

He has _lost_ him.

Charles takes a deep breath and looks at him unsurely. 

“I don’t want to have anything to do with medicine anymore. I’m…I…what you wanted me to do…or not to do…I…I can’t even think about a surgery without shaking hands…it’s…” he sighs and pulls his hair. “I just need a break.”

_From you_.

Erik feels like he’s going to vomit.

“After Boston, I intend to go to England. I accepted the offer from my old Professor yesterday.”

Erik has to sit. He sinks down, on the floor, and just stares at nothing. Charles leaves him there.

He barely registers the words.

“You can come to my apartment in the evening, if you wish to.”

~+~

Erik goes.

Charles greets him with a sad smile and a _I love you so much. I love you **too** much. _ and kisses him desperately. 

Erik answers with the same desperation.

He can’t let Charles go and holds onto him the whole night.

They don’t talk about anything at all.

But in the morning, when Charles wakes up in his arms, _turns away_ and tries to get up, Erik lets him.

He leaves as soon as he hears the shower. 

It’s what Charles wants anyway. 

~+~

He doesn’t hear from Charles anymore. He goes through his job routine with no enthusiasm and the whole hospital is empty and sad without Charles. Two new surgeons got assigned to him and he hates them on sight. _Nobody_ can replace Charles.

One day he has a long discussion with his mother. Now, that Jakob Eisenhardt was dead, they were free to change back into their original identities. But both of them agree that they are Lensherrs now. His mother is still shocked that the man whom she had loved dearly so many years ago had suddenly been there again and clearly had been on the way to her precious son to harm him. How he’d found out nobody could tell. The German Police said that it could happen. Edie was a more or less popular figure in the literature scene and Erik had published a few articles over the years.

But it’s over now.

And Charles didn’t murder anyone. (How could he ever think that?)The obligatory autopsy had confirmed that during the surgery everything what have been done had been right. Charles couldn’t have done anything more. Erik is sure that Charles had read the report.

Nnow, he and his mother are in abeyance.

Erik is so sick of New York and the hospital and the hurt about Charles’ departure is still raw and painful. 

~+~

When he discovers a postcard from Cambridge one day, he finally snaps.

He needs a fresh start. He can’t pine for Charles his whole life. He has fucked up and Charles will never be his again.

Was he ever his? Erik suddenly doubts it.

The Charité Hospital in Berlin makes him an offer and he accepts it. He will start working there in July and also start giving lectures at the Humboldt University of Berlin in October.

Erik sells his apartment but Edie refuses to sell her house. She wants to live with him in Germany for a while but New York has become her new homeland. Erik doesn’t know if he wants to stay in Germany the rest of his life but he definitely won’t stay in New York anymore.

A few days before his departure he is visiting Raven at her newly purchased home. She lives in a four bedroom house with Az and Kurt now and glows. She’s pregnant and couldn’t be happier. Erik hates her. If she had loved her husband all along why start something with Charles and hurt him? He knows that he is no better but wishes he would have been the only one hurting him. (Well, this sounds wrong but he can’t help it.)

They make polite conversation but Erik refuses to talk about the situation between Charles and him or what had happened between them at all. When Raven says, “He’s head over heels for you, you know that, right?” he accidently breaks the tea cup he’s been drinking from and has to refrain from yelling at her. He knows what stress can do to a pregnant woman. 

So he apologizes for the broken cup, leaves early and doesn’t say anything when she advises him to visit Charles some time. Cambridge isn’t that far away from Berlin. 

As if Erik doesn’t know that…

~+~

He buys a leather-bound diary last minute at the airport.

~+~

**31** and he is alone. He’s grading papers when the clock announces midnight. His phone chimes one minute later and Edie congratulates him for his 31st birthday. She’s in England right now, visiting old friends. During the week she also has a meeting in London with the England branch of her publisher. She had begged him to come with him but Erik had refused to go. London and Cambridge were too near to each other. He knows that Charles loves London. Sure, it’s very improbable but he can’t risk seeing Charles. 

Edie chatters away, dwelling in memories about him. Somehow her voice seems off. She’s talking too fast and sounds too chipper.

“Mama, what are you hiding?” he asks jokingly and Edie chokes on her own words.

Silence. 

And then.

“I’ve met Charles today,” she says and Erik suddenly feels much betrayed. He says nothing but rage is simmering beneath his skin. Edie continues quickly.

“It wasn’t his idea, you have to know. I can be quite persistent and honest to god begged him to meet me. I miss him, too, you know,” she tells him softly and Erik puts his hand over his eyes, closing them violently. He won’t cry. 

“He’s happy in Cambridge,” Edie goes on, “For half an hour he talked about the paper he’s currently working on and I didn’t understand anything at all.” She laughs and Erik cracks a small smile. That sounds just like his Charles. Chattering away happily about his favorite topics. 

“He’s asked about you. I told him you’re not fine. Not at all. I also told him that you’re missing him every day and that you would do everything to have him back.”

Erik makes a pained noise and lets his head fall on the table. 

“Why would you do that, Mama? Why would you say that to him?”

“It’s the truth. And I’m not lying to him. You’re both incredibly stupid. He looked like I killed a puppy in front of him. He obviously misses you, too. _Talk to him, I beg you_.”

Erik says nothing and his mother sighs.

“I’m tired, sweetheart. Have a nice birthday. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Mama.” he answers and they hang up.

He sits back in his chair and forces the tears to stay where they belong. He’s a grown man for fuck’s sake! He won’t cry like a baby. Why does Charles still affect him so much? His whole body aches, again and he stands up, forcing himself to go to bed. 

Lying in the darkness and thinking about Charles he really wants to talk to somebody who’s not his mother. He thinks about calling Magda but then remembers that she has vanished somehow. Her phone number doesn’t work anymore and when he went to visit her a few weeks ago, her apartment had been occupied by another person. The woman he had talked to hadn’t known where the previous tenant went. It was as if the earth had swallowed her up.

So, he has nobody. Even his old childhood friend doesn’t want to know him anymore. Great. What a life.

He tosses and turns miserably. Nefertiti hisses at him when he kicks her out of bed accidently and stalks out of the bedroom.

He buries his face into the pillow and cries.

~+~  
On his 31st birthday Erik is writing a long letter to Charles. He explains everything to him. He pours his whole life and heart into the letter. He has the feeling that he never can explain enough but _Charles needs to understand somehow._

He sends the letter to Charles’ department at Cambridge.

Charles never answers.

Erik had been expecting this.

~+~

Winter came early and Erik is freezing his ass off when he walks to the University gates quickly. He slips on the frozen ground and grabs an announcement sign which is staying there conveniently. Erik steadies himself, reads the announcement – and promptly loses his balance again. 

_What’s the next step after Homo Sapiens?_ is written there,

_Genetics Convention, November 29th – December 3rd_

Today is the 29th. How could Erik have missed that? 

His heart is hammering hard in his chest. But it’s impossible. Why would Charles be here? This university wasn’t that versed in Genetics….

He looks at his watch. It’s 10.12 a.m., the opening started at 10 in the auditorium. Erik curses himself when his feet bring him to the auditorium. Even if Charles _is_ here. How would Erik find him and _if_ he finds him, what would he do then? It’s not like Charles wants to talk to him at all. 

Suddenly he stands by the doors of the open auditorium and is surprised how many people there are. It seems to be a big convention. Erik sees some familiar faces of his University and can’t help but scan the people’s faces. Of course Charles is not here. Why would he. Erik is being stupid. He doesn’t _want_ to meet Charles. Not at all. He can perfectly live his life without ever seeing him again –

Oh god, he’s beautiful.

_Of course_ Erik spots him. Charles is standing in a corner far away, sipping orange juice and talking to three older women who clearly adore him. His hair is shorter than the last time Erik’s seen him but his eyes are the same brilliant blue as ever. They are glistening with interest and Charles looks genuinely happy talking to the women about god knows what. 

He’s lovely.

Erik’s heart aches and he wants nothing more than going there, grab him and kiss him senseless. He realizes how much he’s missed this man. But at the same time everything what he has done to Charles wells up again and he feels himself closing up. 

No.

He can’t go there. Despite his mother’s words, Charles is clearly happy.

Looking at his watch, he realizes that he’s late to his lecture and leaves the room. His neck burns as if someone is watching him intently but he doesn’t turn around.

~+~

He is finishing the last lecture for the day and grumbles. He’s hungry and tired. And he has a night shift today at the Charité. The whole day Charles had been ghosting through his mind and he had trouble thinking straight and teaching the med students. Thinking about what to eat in the three free hours he had, he doesn’t notice the person standing in front of his lectern. He zips up his bag when –

“I didn’t realize your were such a good teacher. You should consider teaching full-time. Isn’t that more fun than performing a boring surgery for hours?”

Erik’s head snaps up and Charles is standing in front of him, smiling sheepishly. Erik is at a loss of words and says nothing. As if it wasn’t enough that Charles had been _near_ him a few hours ago. Now he was in _touching_ distance. Charles wets his lips to say something else and Erik grips his bag so hard, his knuckles turn white. 

“I didn’t know that you’re giving lectures here,” Charles continues, his fingers drumming a rhythm on his thigh. He’s nervous, Erik observes. “Your mother told me you’re living in Berlin now, though. How’s Germany treating you? Are you glad to be home again?” 

Erik just can’t comprehend the fact that Charles is talking to him like it is the most normal thing in the world. Hadn’t Charles left him months ago? Did he not say to Erik that he loved him too much, that Erik was expecting too much from him? 

Charles is looking at him expectantly and Erik just nods. Charles sighs and begins swaying on his feet as if he doesn’t know what to do now. Erik just can’t deal with it. His head is a mess and he needs to leave as fast as possible or he does something stupid like trying to kiss Charles and taking him right here in the lecture room. 

He shoulders his bag and bolts to the door. But Charles voice stops him.

“I got your letter,” he says and Erik stops short. He doesn’t dare to look back at Charles. He definitely doesn’t want to see the pity in those eyes. Instead he tries to concentrate on the anger in him. Why is Charles visiting him? If he received the letter then why hadn’t he answered? Erik had been waiting for weeks and when nothing came back he had sworn to himself that he would never pour his heart out like that again.

He stiffens when a warm body presses against his back and Charles buries his face between his shoulder blades. Charles’ body heat seeps through the clothes and it takes everything Erik has to not lean back against Charles and go boneless. Instead he stays stock-still and can’t decide if he wants to run away or stay here with Charles forever.

Charles sighs ~~happily~~ deeply and mumbles something.

“What was that?” Erik can’t help but ask.

“I said, I’m sorry for what happened to you,” Charles says in a louder voice and his hands find Erik’s. 

“What you had asked me to do…it’s unacceptable and I still refuse to perform anything medical-related,” Charles explains further, “but I can’t help it. I miss you so much. You didn’t deserve a life like that, hiding most of the time, living in fear that he might come after you. And then I kick you out of my life and … goodness, I’m such an arsehole.”

Erik can’t help it. He has to chuckle. Leave it to Charles to live a few months in England again and adapt British English so fast. (He had loved Charles’ posh British accent during their school time. When he had met Charles again in New York he had been a little bit sad with Charles losing the British accent due to living in the U.S.)

“What’s so funny?” Charles asks and Erik finally turns around. It feels wonderful to have the piercing gaze from the cornflower blue eyes on his face again. Charles’ lips are too red for their own good. He had been biting them again. 

“Nothing,” Erik says and he wants to kiss Charles so badly. He wants to take him home and never let him leave again. But he can’t do that. Charles will never forgive him for the whole ‘Erik’s father under his scalpel’ mess and his mother had said it, hadn’t she? Charles is happy in Cambridge. Erik is living his life in Berlin now. There is no hope for Erik. He will never be happy with Charles. Charles’ life is better without him.

But he loves him so much. Even breathing seems to be easier with Charles near him. 

God, he’s hopeless.

He steps back, out of Charles’ reach, breaking their contact. A shadow flickers over his face. Then he looks pained and his gaze drops.

“I’m sorry for not answering. I wanted to talk to you in person. When I got your letter I already knew that I would be in Berlin and-“

“And what? You would have knocked happily on my door, fucked me and left again?” Shit. He is snarling. He doesn’t want to. But. He. Can’t. Help. It. Being angry is the only defense he knows.

Charles is taken aback for a moment and then smiles grimly.

“Don’t pull that bullshit on me, Erik,” he demands and Erik’s brows furrow. He takes another step back and feels cold again. 

“I need to eat something and then my shift starts,” he tells Charles, “It was good seeing you.”

Charles’ gaze hardens but after a few seconds he looks away, defeated. 

“Yeah, it was,” he says and searches his pockets until he comes up with a small card from the Hotel he’s staying in. He holds it out to Erik who takes it and then smiles the small shy smile Erik adores so much. 

“I’m leaving for Cambridge on the 6th. Please tell me, you will come some evening. I really want to talk to you. About everything. I still – “He stops himself right there and pats Erik’s arm awkwardly. Erik nods and turns away abruptly, needing to get some space between them. 

Half an hour later the card with the Hotel’s address is already crinkled because Erik pocketed it away and took it out again countless times. He really wants to talk with Charles about everything. Just talking, though. As bad as he wants to crawl in Charles’ bed and back in Charles life…what if Charles will blame him his whole life? What if Charles is unhappy about working at the Genetics Department, one day? Then he will hate Erik for ruining his life. Erik can’t have that…

Talking, yes. But nothing more. He swears that to himself. He owes Charles that much.

Even if it breaks him.

~+~

Still thinking about Charles and their situation he sips coffee in the staff room. It’s past midnight and until now nothing has happened at all. Normally that’s a good sign but Erik is tired and some action would be nice. He’s too nervous for sleeping. He’s checked in with two patients so far but at midnight they leave the patients alone, of course. 

He’s filling his second cup of coffee when a nurse comes in with an x-ray photo in hand. 

“We’ve got a situation,” she says, showing him the spinal column of a man. “The patient got run over by a drunken Taxi driver. When he got here he said that the pain in his back increased. He got strong pain killers and we went for an x-ray.”

Erik looks at it and sighs. “That’s a mess, look at the lumbar spine,” he says to her and she nods, having it noticed already. “It looks bad,” she confirms.

Erik takes a sip from his coffee and nods, “But not too bad. I think I can manage it somehow. Is Dr. Müller on duty?” he asks her and she nods. “Could you please ask him to assist me? It’s going to be a hell of a night. And prepare the patient for the surgery. I’ll be there shortly.”

The nurse leaves the room and Erik goes to the bathroom. He splashes cold water on his face and looks at his tired face in the mirror. 

There is no time thinking about Charles now. He has a goddamn job to do. If he does the job well, the patient might escape the tragedy of not being able to walk. Erik nods to himself. He can do this. 

He walks out of the bathroom to the operation room.

And he walks straight into a personal horror scenario.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments, kudos, subscriptions and bookmarks! You guys are amazing and I love you~


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles wakes up. Erik is tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, it's late. One shouldn't start a new fic when still at another. But at least I won't post that anytime soon. First things first, right? And this monster is finally nearing its end. Yay.

_Hot, it was so hot. Why was it so hot? His body felt like it was burning. And his throat was dry as the desert. Water, please. And why did he feel so fuzzy?_

_“Ugh...,” he mumbled and coughed miserably. God, he felt awful._

_“Shh, it's alright, mein Schatz...”_

_Someone was putting a wet cloth on his forehead and then he felt a glass of water touching his lips and he drank eagerly._

_“I think I'm ill,” he croaked miserably and coughed again. He let his eyes closed because the light in the room was hurting them. Everything hurt._

_“Yes, I know. You passed out after the football practice in the rain. The last lesson for today. Do you remember?” That voice again. Charles couldn't place it but he liked the voice very much._

_“Oh, I did, didn't I?” he said more to himself than to the other person and curled up, tightening the blankets around himself. Something was nudging his lips again; this time it was a large hand, holding two pills._

_“You need to take these. The school nurse told me you have to take them every six hours.”_

_Charles swallowed them down with another glass of water and the pounding headache became more bearable after a few minutes._

_“You need to sleep, Charles.” Again, the soft voice. Someone was touching his face, wiping away the sweat on his cheeks._

_And suddenly he remembered whose voice this was._

_“Erik,” he whispered._

_Lips were touching his forehead and he fell asleep._

 

Groaning, he opened his eyes and blinked a few times against the strong light from above his head.

Pain.

So much pain.

He hissed and tried to blend out the immense pain in his lower back.

“Fuck,” he mumbled. What the hell happened?

“'Fuck', indeed,” someone said and he turned his head to the side and recognized Erik sitting in an uncomfortable chair, looking dead tired and sipping coffee.

“You look awful,” was the first thing that came into Charles' mind and Erik huffed a laugh.

“Look who's talking,” he answered and Charles grimaced. He was slowly realizing that he was in a hospital and since Erik was wearing scrubs it must be the hospital he was working in. A nurse came in, showed Erik some patient's file and he nodded, signing it.

“Why am I here? What happened?” he asked Erik who sighed deeply. He stood up and increased Charles' pain medication. Charles breathed deeply and nodded a thanks to his ex-boyfriend.

“You got run over by a taxi,” Erik said with a rough voice, “right in front of your hotel.”

“Ah,” Charles said and remembered slowly. His giddiness. The hope to see Erik soon. Walking on the side walk, lost in daydreams. The aggressive honking. Suddenly lying on the street and looking at the deep dark sky, only Erik in his mind.

“You were sent to the Charité. You're there right now. I...it was...,” Erik stopped and looked at Charles feet with such sadness and horror that Charles' breath hitched. Erik tried to compose himself and touched his chin, stroking the ginger stubble. “It was my shift when you came in,” he said after a while. “I had to...,” he stopped again. “Charles...,” he breathed and he was above him in an instant, taking his face between his hands.

Charles' cardiac monitor beeped in alarm when his heart was beating faster. Erik buried his face in the crook of Charles' neck. “I nearly lost my mind when I saw you on the table. God, Charles. All I could think about was why I haven't been with you. Why wasn't I there to prevent the accident? What if I would ruin your back? What if I would lose you through some rookie mistake? And I was standing there for hours and all I could think...I could think about....,” his voice nearly broke and Charles stroked his hair, trying to get the wetness out of his eyes. His neck was getting wet when Erik's breath hitched and his shoulders trembled.

They stayed like this for a few minutes until Erik lifted his head again and looked at Charles with red rimmed eyes. “I love you, Charles. Please come back to me,” he whispered and Charles was kissed with so much love and affection he was nearly overwhelmed. Erik did break the kiss too soon for Charles' taste. “I know I'm not the easiest person to love. I beg you, stay with me. I will do everything, just so you will stay with me. I can change. I...just...,” he sighed again, “could you love me back, please?”

He sounded like a frightened child and all Charles could do was to kiss him again.

This time they kissed longer and Erik's fingers were digging in his shoulders almost painfully. He kissed with desperation and fear. Charles wanted to change that. He would if he could. But when he tried to move and press himself more against Erik, the pain rushed back with full force and he gasped. Erik snapped back with a force that had him almost falling out of bed. 

“I knew it,” he told Charles, “You need a much higher dosage. Wait, let me fix that. We can talk later. I have to work anyway.”

“Wait,” Charles said and took Erik’s hand in his when he moved to fiddle with the pain medicine dosage. “I want to be lucid for a few more minutes.” Erik looked at him questioningly. 

“No, I told you, this can wait. I shouldn’t have had told you all this and-“

Charles interrupted him. “No, I don’t mean that. I mean…ugh…,” he wondered why he was thinking about this only now. “Will I be able to walk again?” It seemed Erik did matter a lot to him since he hadn’t been thinking about that problem.

Erik looked at him for a few things and then sighed.

“I think so,” he said at last. “I tried to do everything I could but it’s a mess down there right now. But I think with the right physical therapy we could accomplish that. It would take at least a year in my opinion. And on some days you’ll need a cane. I’ve already contacted a specialist and old friend from Switzerland. He’ll come as soon as he can but he’s in Australia right now on some bullshit conference.”

Erik looked frustrated but Charles kind of stopped listening after one particular word. 

“ _We_?” he asked Erik and when the other one looked at him like _that_ Charles felt like Erik could take over the world and take everybody with him.

“Of course, Charles,” he scoffed, “I don’t care if you don’t want me back and don’t love me anymore. But I won’t leave your side. At least not until you’re hopefully be able to walk again.”

Gratitude and affection rushed through Charles’ body and he couldn’t help but smile. Very wide. He was sure he looked like a love struck idiot. Bu he _was_ a love struck idiot. Erik talked so matter-of-factly about staying with Charles (in good and in bad times). Charles would never have guessed that one year ago. He was at a loss of words for a few moments and just smiling; and it looked like he was freaking Erik out with that smiling and not speaking. 

Finally he said, “Come here, darling.”

Erik was at his side in the blink of an eye. 

Charles kissed his forehead and smiled only wider when Erik’s eyes closed automatically at the contact. 

“I love you very much, I should have never left you,” he admitted, “I was confused and a coward. I really want to leave that behind us. But we still have a lot to talk about. But first things first,” he paused for a moment and embraced Erik as best as he could. Erik placed his head on Charles shoulder and breathed in his scent. 

“Thank you for saving my life, I guess. You _are_ the best surgeon in the world, I can tell.”

Erik snorted and Charles kissed the top of his head. 

“And thank you for staying with me, my friend. I couldn’t be happier under these circumstances.” There was a long, hard and painful path right in front of him. He couldn’t imagine how difficult his way to walking would be, but with Erik at his side…everything was going to be alright. It _had_ to. 

There was no answer and Charles realized that Erik had fallen asleep. Erik was exhausted. Charles wondered how many days ago the accident had happened. Had Erik been sleeping at all? 

Charles tried to reach the button for the nurse without disturbing Erik in his sleep. It was quite a fight but eventually he could get a hold of the button and asked for the nurse to come. When she came she looked stressed but her face softened when she saw her boss sleeping like a baby in the arms of the handsome English patient. She didn’t speak a word English but she understood Charles’ broken German and gesticulations immediately. 

Three minutes later he was fast asleep with Erik pressed at his side.

~+~

“Well, that’s unfortunate,” Charles commented and Erik grimaced. They both stared at the ‘out of order’ sign which was taped at the elevator in Erik’s apartment complex. “Fucking fantastic,” Erik grumbled and looked down at Charles who was shifting in his wheelchair uncomfortably. The pain in his lower back stopped him and Erik looked quite guilty.

“Shit. I didn’t expect that,” then he bent down and then smiled his trademark shark smile. “I apologize in advance.”

Charles looked at him skeptically. “For what?” he asked and then yelped when Erik lifted him up in his arms and carried him bridal style up the stairs.

“Erik! No! Let me down,” he demanded rigorously and Erik’s answer was an amused laugh. He was struggling with Erik for a dew more steps but then he gave up and huffed. “I’m not going to leave your apartment until the elevator is repaired,” he announced when Erik reached the fourth floor. His – no - _their_ floor. He would be living with Erik until he would start physical therapy in a special clinic. They still hadn’t decided if whether Charles would receive his treatment in England or if he should stay here in Germany. It wasn’t a question of insurance – Charles got it all covered, thank you very much – it was more about language barrier. Erik had told him he would stay with him, no matter what. But he had a permanent position at the hospital and the university and Charles didn’t want to be a liability to Erik. 

He’d been in the hospital for a while and Christmas was almost there. He had been glad to escape the boring hospital and was looking forward to living with Erik (no he didn’t squeal at that thought) for a few weeks but he didn’t want to spend the time arguing. 

And they did argue a lot. But only about where Charles would stay next year. Every time Charles mentioned he would like to stay in Berlin and its periphery tentatively, Erik wouldn’t have any of that. He told him that it was no problem for him to leave Berlin and go with Charles. He still was an UK citizen after all, he would find a new job there alright. And how would Charles communicate there? No, Charles wouldn’t want that. 

Every time Charles told him, he didn’t care whether he would understand the others, Erik didn’t believe him. In the last two days Erik had always brushed him off with a “We’ll talk about this later, Charles. I don’t want to fight again.”

 

Once Charles was seated on a comfortable armchair, Erik left him to his own devices for a few moments to retrieve the wheelchair downstairs. When he returned, Charles was fast asleep with Nefertiti purring at his feet. He got tired very fast nowadays. The pain killers made him sleepy all day and he was just so exhausted. 

Two hours later he woke up in a large bed which smelled heavenly of Erik. The pain in his back had woken him and he groaned slightly. Shit. He had no idea how he could manage to reduce the medicine during his physical therapy. The pain surely would be unbearable. Nefertiti purred next to him and when he saw the pain killers sitting on the nightstand he quickly downed them with water and sank back to the cushions with a relieved sigh. It was dark outside and the clock told him that it was just after six in the evening. 

He stared into the dark room for a while waiting for the medicine to do its magic. Soon he realized that he needed to go the bathroom and for a moment he forgot the he just _couldn’t go_. He couldn’t even swing his legs out of bed. He could do nothing. Nothing at all. He felt like a stranded whale. 

Fucking bad Karma.

He didn’t know what he had done to deserve something like this.

~+~

 _At least, you’re not dead. We’ll get you back in shape, I promise._ Erik always said when they went to sleep and Charles had been brooding in the dark for too long. Sometimes Charles would respond with kisses and hopeful replies. But more often than not Charles would snort and turn away from Erik. Erik would sigh and plant a kiss on Charles’ neck. In the morning everything would be forgotten until darkness would rise again. And with darkness came Charles’ depression.

~+~

He sensed that Erik wanted to solve the problem as fast as possible. Erik showed him many great and expensive locations for physical therapy. All in England or the States. Charles declined every offer. 

~+~

“I don’t want to leave you. Don’t you understand this?” _Frustration._

“Charles. Be reasonable, please. You have to get well, soon. And these are the best options you’ll have.” _Imporation._

“I want to be near you. I don’t need some fancy clinic. You can’t tell me there isn’t some physical therapy center in the fucking capital of Germany.” _Anger._

“Yes, there are but they aren’t the best.” _Resignation._

“Erik, please. I want you near me. I can’t do this alone.” _Sadness._

“Oh Charles. How about your mother or some friend to keep you company? I would visit you as often as I could. I’m only thinking about your recovery. I want to spend every minute with you. I want so spend the rest of my life with you. But **after** you’re well again. Please, I beg you. Get well at first.” _Love._

“No, Erik. I’m staying near you. You’re going to have to live with that.” _Stubbornness._

~+~

Charles was sitting on the cold balcony, looking at the Christmas lights illuminating Berlin when he heard the doorbell. Curious, he rolled his wheel chair inside and went to the door. Erik was at work and he didn’t say anything about a visitor. 

“Charles, it’s me. Open the door, please.”

Charles grinned when he heard the voice and opened the door quickly.

“Edie!” he called out delighted when she came into view and Edie dropped her bags and bent down to hug him fiercely. “Oh, my boy. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t come sooner but I had some boring business to attend to.”

Charles leaned into the hug as best as he could and they stood there for a while. A few minutes later Edie stood up again and stepped into the apartment, dragging two big bags with her. 

“I’m staying for a few weeks. Erik has no idea. Ha. I guess I’m going to help you around a bit. You’re bored and depressed, aren’t you? Have you decided where are you’re staying for your therapy yet? Erik told me on the phone you’ve had some arguments about the location.” Edie was her usual whirlwind-self and Charles smiled happily. He had missed her and she was the first ‘visitor’ he’d had since the accident. His family didn’t have time but they did send him the best wishes. Well…

“Yes…he wants me to go to England or to the States but I want to stay here, with him. Or at least in his periphery. He thinks I’m going to be depressed even more alone in a foreign country but I don’t care.” 

Edie smiled to herself and prepared a strong tea for both of them.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. We’ll figure it out. I’m here now and I have the best ideas.”

Charles raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? What’s that?”

Edie kissed his cheek and handed him a cup of tea. “I’ll tell you both when Erik is back. You boys are so stupid you don’t see the obvious.”

And with that she trotted to the guest room to unpack her bags, leaving Charles dumbfounded.

~+~

Four hours later and Erik came home. He was pleasantly surprised by the visit of his mother. Not so much when she told him she would stay a few weeks. She had made them an enormous dinner that Charles was sure he wouldn’t fit in his pajama afterwards. After they finished the opulent meal with a nice kosher wine (water for Charles, painkillers, some real pain for Charles indeed) Edie came straight to the point.

“So, what do I hear about my two favorite boys getting in an argument every day?”

Charles and Erik looked at each other, then at Edie and both shrugged.

Edie sighed and continued, “Do I understand correctly that you, Erik, only want the best for Charles and send him far away to the best English speaking clinic so that he would recover fast AND can be social with others?”

Erik looked at her sullenly and nodded while Charles rolled his eyes at him. “I told you I don’t need to socialize. I’m perfectly fine with my kindle and you near me for my recovery.”

Edie interrupted him and said, “Charles, you have to see that Erik is right. You’re bordering depression and you have to understand what’s going on around you. You can’t just shut out social contacts.”

Charles frowned and didn’t know what to say because Edie and Erik were right. Of course they were. Charles knew that. But Erik’s and his new relationship was so fragile because of this stupid accident that Charles was afraid he would lose Erik when he couldn’t see him on a regular schedule. Fuck skype. Charles had waited long enough for his happy end. 

Edie stood up to search something in her bag. She came back with a file and put it in front of Charles and Erik. Charles opened it.

 _BDH-Klinik Greifswald_ it read. 

“Oh, I heard of this city. A colleague of mine studied at the university there. It’s right at the Baltic Sea isn’t it?” he asked and looked at Edie. Next to him Erik went rigid. “Mama, I told you he shouldn’t go there.” Edie just raised an eyebrow. “But it’s one of the best.”

“Is it?” Charles asked and flicked through the file eagerly. It was all in German but there were some things Charles could read. And the pictures looked nice. 

“Mama-“Erik started again.

“Shush, mein Schatz,” she said, “It won’t be a problem because I’ll go with him.”

Silence.

Stunned, Charles said a weak, “What? Edie, no! That’ll take months! I can’t accept that.” He looked at Edie and then at Erik for support but Erik’s eyes glinted and he smiled broadly at Edie.

“Mama, that’s genius!”

“I know, right? Don’t you worry, boys. I already phoned them and we can share a room together, Charles. It’s allowed to have company and I’ll be your translator and can teach you some German, too. Maybe it’ll come in handy, later. Erik can visit us on the weekends when he doesn’t have a shift. It’s only two hours from Berlin. And don’t worry about the money. I’m going to call this my ‘inspiration for a new book’. My publisher has to pay for it.” She laughed somewhat mean and took both of their hands into hers.

Charles still shook his head. “Edie, no. Please. You can’t do that. That’s too much. I’ll be perfectly capable of being there on my own…” he forgot what to say when Erik planted a sweet kiss on his temple and hugged him. 

“No, Charles. It’s perfect. I’ll be much more relaxed when I know that my mother is there for you. And we’re only two hours apart. It’s so genius I’m almost offended that I didn’t think of that.” Erik said and Edie laughed. “That’s my main purpose of life, my dear. Leading you in the right direction.”

“But,” Charles started again, “your time, your book….I can’t do this to you, Edie.”

“Charles,” Edie answered patiently. “I can do what I want. I’m an author. As long as I produce some novels, my publisher doesn’t care where I write it. I love you like my own son. You’re mine and Erik’s most precious thing in the world. Please accept my offer and let me help you. I want to help you with your recovery as best as I can.”

“She’s right, Charles. Please say yes,” Erik said softly, stroking his hair.

Moved by the words, Charles tried to wipe his eyes in a subtle way. 

“Edie,” he said with a broken voice. He really didn’t know how he deserved those two. But here they were. Declaring that they loved him and that he was important to them. 

Charles had never heard these words. Suddenly he was so happy that he could cry. (Well, he did but neither of them mentioned it.) 

He looked at Edie with a watery smile and nodded.

“I would love to share a room with you, Mrs. Lehnsherr.” 

~+~

“Bloody fuck!”

No Charles was not crying but it was a near thing. The fourth month of his therapy was over and today he had had a very difficult session. Pain was burning through his legs and lower back while the masseuse massaged his body.

“Das wird schon, Schätzchen,” _It’s going to be alright, honey._

“Wenn Sie das sagen.” _If you say so._

Four months. Four months of therapy and bitter tears from Charles. The only things keeping him sane were Edie and her superb German lessons. Edie was out right now, going for a walk and shopping a little bit. Her draft for the new book was 600 pages by now and there was no end in sight. When Charles asked her what the book was about she just grinned and told him ‘epic love story between boys and girls, you know the drill’. That was all he could get out of her. 

The masseuse chattered away and Charles tried to say ‘hm’ and ‘yes’ at the right moments but otherwise drifted away with closed eyes. Spring air flooded the room with a light sea breeze and he wished he could take a walk outside. Letting his bare feet walk through the sand. Holding hands with Erik. That would be nice. Unfortunately Erik was in France for some conference and Charles hadn’t seen him in nearly three weeks.

Now that he had Erik unconditionally, he couldn’t bear not seeing daily. For real. Of course they had skype but it just wasn’t the same. Erik tried to come every weekend (if the shift plan allowed him to do so) and when Edie was away too they had the sweetest time together. Erik was so supportive and lovable Charles couldn’t really compare him to the Erik he knew (thought he knew) during school and New York. 

How times changed.

Charles grinned into his arm but it became soon a grimace when the woman pressed one finger hard into the flesh. Shit fuck. He really needed to heal faster. He wanted to get out of here and start a new life with Erik. Cherik 2.0. He snorted. A fresh start when both of them were hale and hearty.

The hands on his body became gentler after a while. They almost stroked over his body. They must be near the end of the massage then. When the hands were on his _lower_ lower regions suddenly, Charles froze.

“Excuse me, Miss,” he said shocked and tried to wiggle away from the hands but the pain in his body prevented him from escaping. He heard the throaty laugh. A manly laugh. Then the hands disappeared and Charles could turn around very slowly… just to stare in Erik’s grinning face. 

The masseuse was standing in the corner, filling out paper work and grinning to herself. Charles huffed a laugh and demanded a welcome kiss which was promptly planted on his lips. The masseuse giggled and leaned his crutches against the table. Charles sat up slowly and grinned.

“Erik, you idiot. What are you doing here? I thought you’ll get to Berlin on Wednesday!” he said delighted and let Erik help him with his pants and shirt. 

“I could switch some schedules and could leave earlier.” Erik just said as if it was nothing and told the masseuse that he would take over from here. She nodded and left with a smile. When Charles was fully dressed he leaned on the crutches heavily when they walked back to his room. Erik asked him every few meters if he needed help.

“Erik, shut up,” Charles panted finally. “I got this. I need to do this alone.” Erik did shut up then and they walked the rest of the way in silence. When Charles made it to his room without back cramps he sighed in relief and planted himself on his bed immediately. He closed his eyes for a while just to catch his breath, Erik said nothing and didn’t seemed to move. When Charles opened his eyes again Erik stared at him intently and Charles raised an eyebrow.

“What’s wrong?” he asked and Erik shrugged. “I just realized how proud I am of you, I guess,” he said far-too-nonchalantly. He sat beside Charles on the bed and took his hand. “I love you.” He then stated simply and Charles smiled happily.

“I love you, too, Erik.”

Erik looked like he wanted to say something else. They looked at each other patiently and Erik opened his mouth a few times but nothing came out. He almost looked embarrassed. Charles laughed nervously. “What is it, Erik?” he asked and patted his hand.

Erik was silent and he looked like he was thinking very hard and finally came to a conclusion.

He opened his mouth to say something eventually but was interrupted by Edie bursting through the door, calling out a delighted, “Erik!”

The moment was gone and Charles soon forgot about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's a bit boring but I think they both had enough drama. And I also didn't want to write a terribly long chapter just about Charles' recovery. I have no idea about this kind of pyhsical therapy and hope I haven't offended anyone who had to go thorugh a smiliar situation.
> 
> And on monday is the last exam of my student carreer. Wohooo - not. I don't want to go into the real word...meh.
> 
> I hope you darlings had a wonderful start into the new year and you're still with me and this enormous story which should have ended like 5 chapters ago...u_u.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

“Well, that’s awkward,“ Charles commented. He stood there, in the middle of the living room, watching the screaming twins with kind of a morbid fascination. They were lying on the floor now, hammering their tiny fists on the floor and crying hysterically. Edie was talking to the social worker, a disbelieving look on her face and Erik… . Oh Erik.

Erik was still kneeling in front of Charles, holding the ring out to him. He was ashen-faced and watched the two children with a look of terror on his face. He hadn’t moved since the doorbell had ringed in the middle of his proposal and Edie had come back with two kids and Mrs. Hughes, the social worker. 

“What is even happening?” Charles asked again and leaned heavily on his cane. It’s been two years since his accident and today was a bad day. He’d had back cramps since waking up and had had difficulties comprehending Erik’s intentions when the other one had dropped to his knees to ask him _the_ question. But Erik couldn’t even say a word when suddenly all hell had broken loose. 

Sighing, Charles pried the ring free from Erik’s hand and slipped it on his ring finger. It was a beautiful platinum band and Charles loved it already. He crouched down in front of Erik in an uncomfortable position. “Of course I’ll marry you. But let’s talk about that later,” he said and Erik looked like he didn’t hear a word. He was still staring at the twins whom Mrs. Hughes was now referring to as “Pietro and Wanda”. 

Charles stood up again and felt a pounding headache forming behind his forehead. Why were the children screaming so loud? Charles couldn’t understand half of the things Mrs. Hughes was explaining to Edie in an almost bored tone. Since the boy looked like a miniature copy of Erik, Charles understood the meaning of all this but still couldn’t really wrap his head around. Erik seemed to have understood it as soon as he had seen the twins and hadn’t moved an inch since. 

They boy was now screaming in a high pitched tone. Charles’ back and head screamed with him. 

“Excuse me. Could you please stop screaming?” he asked in a (he hoped) pleasant tone. They blinked at him for a moment and then started crying again. Louder. Why wasn’t anyone doing anything about that? Meanwhile, Edie had invited Mrs. Hughes to the kitchen to talk in a more silent environment. Charles rubbed his forehead. This was becoming too much. And why wouldn’t Erik do anything? Charles glared at him but his fiancé was a lost cause for the moment. 

“Hey. HEY!” he was getting louder. He really didn’t want to scream at them but oh god, his head. “Would you please stop? I beg you.” He remembered the cake Edie had baked yesterday. Maybe bribing them would help. “How about some yummy cake? It’s delicious. And you’ll not feel sad anymore. I promise.” He offered. The stopped crying for a moment and looked at him with bewildered faces. They almost looked like they didn’t understand him. 

“Yes….Düsseldorf….mother….Magda,” was audible from the kitchen and Charles realized the problem. Oh. 

He thought for a moment and before the children could start crying again he offered them the cake by using German. The tears stopped and Charles had to put down his cane to take either hand of both of them when they came running to him. Small sweaty palms clutched both of his hands and he walked them to the kitchen. He ignored the pain in his back as best as he could, cut two big slices of the chocolate cake and put them on two plates. Wanda and Pietro were giggling as they trailed him into the living room which was empty now. Erik was nowhere to be seen but his keys where gone from the coffee table. Charles sighed. Erik wasn’t taking this very well. Charles was a little hysterical himself and hoped Erik would come back soon. 

Putting on a brave face, he told the twins to sit down on the sofa and handed them the plates and forks. Because he didn’t know better, he turned the TV on and searched for a children’s show finally finding some animation with a cute bald kid from Canada. The twins ate with much gusto and their eyes were glued to the TV, so Charles left them alone and went to the kitchen.

Edie looked up this time and asked where Erik was. Charles just shrugged and poured himself a cup of tea, too. It was silent for a moment. Then Charles took a deep breath and asked the question of all questions. 

And yes.

The three year old children were indeed Erik’s. Magda Maximoff was the early love of Erik and he seemed to have rekindled the childhood love when he had been to Germany a few years ago. Magda never told him that she was pregnant and Erik’s name was only written in Magda’s last will. (Charles was surprised that the will had said “Erik Lensherr” and not “Max Eisenhardt”.) It has been her wish that Erik would get the children in the case she would die since she had no other living relatives. Nobody could say why she hadn’t told Erik and nobody could ask. Magda had died in a car accident last week. The German child protective services learned of Erik through Magda’s lawyer and the kids had been sent to New York where Charles and Erik had returned to two months ago.

And here they were. Just yesterday Charles and Erik had discussed the possibilities of a private practice and argued where to open it. (Charles really wanted to go to the West Coast but Erik was having none of that) And now Charles was sitting here, with a ring on his finger and two children. And the absent father.

Well…

If the women both noticed the whiskey he poured into his cup, they didn’t comment on it. 

“I gathered, they only understand German?” Charles asked and Mrs. Hughes nodded. “Certainly, Mr. Xavier,” she answered, “but do not worry. For children in this age…they won’t have a problem getting used to a second language.” She reassured him and Charles nodded weakly. Then, he asked, 

“And you don’t have problem that, uh…well. That Erik is… with _me?_ ” he gestured at himself, trying to imply his male body and that Erik was in a relationship with a very male Charles. 

Mrs. Hughes’ eyes crinkled when she burst out laughing. “Oh dear, “she said, still chuckling, “this isn’t a problem at all. The children are Mr. Lensherr’s and that’s it. I really don’t care who he is with as long as the children will be raised in a good and loving home.”

Charles bit his lip and avoided her gaze. He had no idea how to raise children in a _loving_ environment. His parents didn’t love him at all. Edie took his hands in hers and kissed his cheek. “Everything is going to be okay. You’ll be a wonderful help for Erik. And look how quiet the children are. You’re a natural.”

“I gave them sugar and TV. I don’t think that qualifies.” Charles just huffed but gripped her hand only harder. 

Mrs. Hughes then took her leave with the promise to look after them for the next weeks. Wanda and Pietro were asleep on the sofa, their faces smudged with chocolate. They looked adorable. But Charles felt overwhelmed all of the sudden. His legs gave out and Edie helped him onto the armchair. 

_Where is Erik? Why did he leave? They are his kids, god damn it._ he wanted to ask, feeling oddly betrayed. But instead, he said,

“I have to prepare the guest room,” and tried to stand up but his legs just wouldn’t listen to him. Charles sighed and closed his eyes. He had to be strong. There were two small children who needed him. They were the children of Erik, his beloved. His beloved who wasn’t anywhere near at the moment. Charles really hoped that Erik wasn’t drinking himself to death in some bar. “No hurry, my dear. I’m just going to wash the dishes and then I’ll help you.” Edie said and went to the kitchen as silent as she could, taking the dirty dishes with her. 

Charles listened to her for a while and managed to get up after the fourth try. He changed the bed sheets on the bed which the twins had to share but he had the feeling that they wouldn’t mind. Edie came in later and helped him with a quick cleaning of the adjoining bathroom. “Thank you, Edie.” Charles said to her as he sat down on the bed, rubbing a hand over his back. Edie noticed this and sat down next to him. “You can go to bed, if you want. I will watch the children and wait for Erik’s return.”

It was compelling to accept the offer but when he looked at her closer, he could see that she could barely hold it together. Liker mother, like son. He smiled tiredly and then shook his head. “No, Edie. It’s alright. I can handle them. I’ll just take some meds and am as good as new.” Edie stifled a yawn but still looked resolute. Charles stood up without showing the pain in his face and smiled again. “I mean it, Edie. Go, get rest. I can handle this. And Erik will be back home, soon. He wouldn’t let me here all alone. It’s just a lot to take in.”

Edie looked like she wanted to say more but then just nodded. “Thank you, Charles. I will get up in the earliest morning. We all have a lot to talk about. Tomorrow. I do hope that Erik will be back, by then. Little idiot.” Edie wished him a good night and went to the second guest room, deciding to not go home but stay here. When she was almost out of the door, she suddenly turned around and smiled broadly. “And congratulations on your engagement,” she said, “leave it to Erik to choose the poorest timing for that.”

Huh. 

Charles looked down at his finger and suddenly remembered. He still had trouble processing all this. As soon as he thought about it, the twins entered his mind and worried him. Good god, they have been here for roughly two hours and Charles felt ten years older already. He touched the ring and couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yes, thank you, Edie…errr, I mean monster-in-law.” He grinned and Edie gasped in shock but then laughed, too. “Very funny. Good night, dear”

“Good night, Edie.”

He sat on the bed for a little while longer, searching for bravery and finally stood up. Ignoring the pain, he walked in the living room and saw that Pietro and Wanda were awake again and holding hands, both looking like a deer in headlights. When they saw Charles, they jumped up and clutched his legs. When they looked up with wobbly lips and shiny eyes, Charles’ heart broke a little. They were scared and alone. Goodness, they had lost their mother a week ago. 

“Are you still hungry?” he asked them and when they looked back questioningly, he remembered and switched to German. 

It turned out that they were very hungry and that they wouldn’t let go of Charles. Two tiny hands always clutched his legs or his hands. He had some difficulties reheating the leftovers from the day before because of two little monkeys trying to climb up his body. In the end, they all managed to eat something and with full bellies they both began to talk a mile a minute. Charles only understood half of it but knew when to smile at the right moments. Two hours later he could coax them into brushing their teeth and they both were asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillows.

Utterly exhausted Charles went to bed himself. This night he wrote in his diary.

> How is this my life?  
>  Am I a father now?  
>  Two little rascals…  
>  But they are so sweet…

Two hours later he woke up to the sound of tiny feet on the floor and then two warm bodies pressing to both of his sides. They were crying silently and Charles wrapped his arms around them. “It’s alright, babies. I’m here. You’re safe here.” He mumbled sweet nothings to them and soon they were asleep again, taking Charles with them to dreamland.

They next time he woke up, it was at six in the morning and to a hand stroking his cheek. He opened his eyes and smiled sleepily when he recognized Erik. 

“Hey,” he said with a voice rough with sleep and looked down when Pietro mumbled in his sleep and pressed closer to him. He remembered everything at once and promptly frowned at Erik.

“Where the hell have you been?” he hissed and Erik had the decency to look ashamed. 

“I’m sorry-“ he began but Charles shushed him. 

“Shut up,” he said, “and come to bed. We’ll talk later…so much later.”

Erik looked at the twins with unsureness but then crawled into bed, searched Charles’ hand and found it stuck between Pietro and Charles. Erik’s fingers stroked the ring on Charles’ finger and Charles smiled. He was going to marry Erik. 

He fell asleep again with this thought.

~+~

Oh what a drama. 

Charles sighed and sipped his tea, watching the living room where Erik and the twins were eying each other warily and with much skepticism. In the morning it had been clear that Wanda and Pietro had doted on Charles, calling him _Papa_. They had been told that they were going to meet their father and since Erik hadn’t been seen shortly after the twins had arrived they had assumed that the only male in the room – Charles – was the father. 

But Erik was working on that, Charles thought. He was talking himself blue in the face in German and Pietro was even smiling now. But as soon as Charles wanted to go somewhere else they told him he had to stay in their focus. They looked so adorably serious while demanding it that Charles couldn’t help but follow the stern orders.

They were getting there.

Slowly.

Edie had gone grocery shopping half an hour ago after declaring that she would stay for a week to help them get the kids settled. Charles sighed when he thought about what _getting the kids settled_ even meant. Since Charles and Erik wanted to stay in the US, the twins had to take English courses as soon as possible, apparently. Charles browsed through the best New Yorker kindergartens specialized in languages and was overwhelmed by the fees. Good god. Double that… Charles swallowed. Erik and Charles weren’t short on money per se, but neither of them had an occupation at the moment. They had left Germany after Erik had resigned in Berlin. Surprisingly it had been Erik who had wanted to go back to the States. Charles had been long done with the intensive physical therapy required and hadn’t worked. Neither at a university nor at a hospital. He didn’t want to do that with the average German he had learned. 

So they had come back to New York and talked the possibilities about opening a private practice in the city. But Charles was sure that they had to change their plans now. He didn’t know why but he had the feeling that they all would be happier in another city. New York had too much history for both of them. 

When he heard Wanda laugh he looked up and smiled brightly at the scene he saw. Wanda and Pietro were both clinging to Erik while he told them a particular childhood story about their mother. 

Erik was a father. (Was he one too, now?) Charles still couldn’t believe it. But he was a natural.

It was going to be alright, Charles was sure of that.

~+~

Erik and Charles stared at Edie. They just stared. The twins were taking their nap in the guestroom/twin’s room for now both of them were trying to process what Edie just had said.

Erik was the first to find his words again.

“I don’t understand. You’re going to marry?”

“Sure.” Edie said as if were the most normal thing in the world to say and beamed at them. 

“But why?” Erik asked.

“Because I’m in love, dearie.” Edie answered patiently.

Erik was at a loss for words again.

Charles jumped in.

“And who is the lucky gentlemen?” he asked her and Edie beamed even more.

“His name is Henry and I met him during an autographing session.”

“A man reads your books?” Erik chimed in disbelievingly and Edie pinned him down with a not amused stare. “Of course not,” she answered with dignity, “he accompanied his daughter who is very lovely by the way. I didn’t want to tell you guys that I’m seeing someone. He’s not living in New York so I wanted to see at first, if it would be something serious. Well, it is and last week he asked me and I said yes. We’ll marry in three months and I’m going to move to Colorado. And guess what. You’re all coming with me.”

Charles wasn’t sure what this all was about and looked at Erik helplessly. Erik looked like he had run straight into a brick wall. Utterly dumbfounded. So Charles continued the talk.

“We can’t just move with you, Edie. We’re both searching for jobs and trying to figure out where to live with the kids. They’ve been here for two months now and it is time to move out of the expensive city.”

Edie smiled, “Well, that’s why you’re coming with me. Henry is also a doctor and wants to retire. He’s the head of the Family Medicine Clinic at the hospital there. I told him about you two and both the hospital and the clinic are in need of doctors.”

Erik snorted. “Why? Is it so bad? Colorado you said? I assume it’s in the middle of nowhere?”

Edie pursed her lips and shrugged. “It actually is a small city. But that makes it also cheaper than New York. And it’s very family friendly, I assure you.” Erik looked at her doubtfully but Charles rather liked the idea. “We could look at it.” Charles said to Erik, “I think we have to drive there anyway to meet the mysterious Henry.” He grinned at Edie who nodded. “Of course. He really wants to meet you two…errr.. I mean four.”

Charles was relieved that even Edie hadn’t become accustomed to them being a family of four, yet.

“A look won’t hurt, don’t you think, my friend? And you like hiking and mountain biking. You’re always complaining that you can’t do it here.” Charles asked and took Erik’s hand in his, let the ring gleam so it caught Erik’s attention. Erik’s stare softened when he looked at the ring and then at Charles. “Yeah, why not. Let’s meet Henry… and his workplace.”

It was settled then.

~+~

>   
>  June 25th
> 
> I’m in the middle of the Rocky Mountains right now. Leadville really is a small city but it is so beautiful here. Erik tries to hide it but I think he fell in love with the landscape here. I caught him looking up real estate sites.  
>  Henry is very nice and makes a mean lasagna. I think I never ate so much food in my life. He clearly adores Edie and brings up the clinic in every third sentence. We looked at it from the outside when we were going for a walk with the twins today. It all looks really idyllic. I feel like the whole city has jumped out of a storybook.  
>  Ah, gotta go. Pietro aka P-man as he prefers to be called now is calling for me.  
>  ~~They call me Papa. I don’t know how to feel about that.~~ They call me Papa. 

~+~

> August 18th
> 
> The wedding ceremony was beautiful. Edie looked so happy when they exchanged the vows and I swear that Erik teared up a little. Of course he denied everything afterwards. My lips still tingle from the kiss he gave me between the jackets in the cloakroom. God I love him. I can’t believe we finally did it and are together after sooo many years and still going steady. And we are a family now….my goodness.  
>  I’m still not sure about this parenting thing, though. The kids had such a large temper tantrum today. I just sat there and hoped the others wouldn’t assume they’re mine. But it amazes me how one call from Erik will shut them up and look guilty. ~~God, he is so hot when he looks at them all parental judgment~~. 

~+~

> October 5th
> 
> We accepted the job offers. Erik’s going to be in the hospital, I’m going to work at the Family Medicine Clinic. We’re going to live with Edie and Henry at first. I hope we’ll find a nice house, soon.  
>  Going for a walk gets better and better. I realized I don’t use my cane often when I’m in Colorado. 

~+~

“Are you ready? You don’t look ready. Are you sure about this? I know I’ve fucked up so many times. Do you really want this?”

“Erik-“

“I can totally understand it if you don’t want to-”

“Erik-“

“And how is it you weren’t mad at me when the twins showed up? Why are you so perfect? I don’t deserve you-“

“Erik! Shut up. Please!” Charles said fondly and tugged at Erik’s bow tie.

“You know that we’ll be a family officially. You’re stuck with us after today, Charles. You still can get out.”

It was adorable how nervous Erik was.

“Give me a little bit of credit here, Erik,” Charles huffed, “we already _are_ a family. It’s just official after today. Come on, darling.”

Charles grabbed Erik’s hand and Erik followed him into the room where they were going to get married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, folks. What a ride. I'm sure it's still full of mistakes and apologize for that. It's hard without a beta reader. I really hope you like it and maybe we'll see each other again in this or another fandom. I love you all. And thank you for the kudos and comments and bookmarks! When I started this story I would never have guessed that so many people would like this.  
> <3
> 
> I don't know if there's going to be an epilogue. But if...if it comes, it won't be long!

**Author's Note:**

>  my [tumblr](http://minzimpression.tumblr.com)


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